Women are from Venus, Men are from WackyTownVilleLand
Now, don't laugh, but I was in this discount bookstore yesterday and I found a trendy chick-lit-looking paperback copy of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus for dead cheap. I skimmed through the book back in 1995 or whatever when my dad bought it for my mom, but I didn't remember much beyond caves and rubber bands. Plus, I'd never even been on a date in 1995, so it wasn't like the information had any practical worth.
Only now I'm dating dear sweet WR, and sometimes I think we are both a bit baffled by what is going on in the other person's head. "Are you serious? That's what you think?" This isn't made easier by the fact that WR is a smart lawyer boy who finds logical arguments exhilarating, and I'm a opinionated headcase who would rather just have people do what I want without the conflict.
So I bought it. I figured it couldn't hurt and would at least be good for a laugh. But I also bought a Mother's Day card and fresh strawberries from the market and dessert from Marks & Spencer, so I'm still kind of cool, okay? Also, I'm pretty sure I look exactly like the girl on the cover. Only I don't have any hooker boots, sadly.
Anyway, last night I started reading and it was just crazy! The stuff I've read so far about women makes all kinds of good normal sense, but the stuff about guys was just insane. How can anyone actually think this way? It's completely irrational!
For instance, it talks about ways that men and women "score points" with each other. For women, both the big and the little sweet things that guys do usually score the same number of points (say 1), and they add up as guys do nice things. So a compliment and a flower and an "I love you" and a nice dinner theoretically add up to 4 points. Which I can see, even though I think some special things can carry a bit more weight. And if a guy doesn't do nice things (little or big) then they don't get any points and girls start to feel a bit sad.
But this book said that guys will actually TAKE AWAY points from women when they don't do the "right" thing at the right time. So, like, you could make a guy dinner and do all these nice things for him, but if he gets lost and you suggest that he ask for directions then you just BAM lose 30 points or something like that, because that's a not-supportive thing to do. And then the nice things you've been doing don't even matter anymore because they've been negated by the hugeness of the perceived non-support, and you're now 15 points in the hole without knowing it.
Wow.
Guys? Is there any truth to this?
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
17 comments:
I'm not an average man so I can't tell you.
I *can* tell you though...telling your man to ask for directions implies a lack of trust in his navigation skills, and that you don't believe he can sort his own problems out.
Well, Us guys have a short term memory. So anything we or tiy said 5 days ago doesn't even stick to our brains.It's like an auto delete.5 days, delete that tidbit.So you have to be continuous so we'll remember all the nice things women do for us.
(wow, that was deep,Wait...What did I say in this comment?)
If I were to get into this discussion, it wouldn't be in this medium.
I remember it being the other way around (girls scoring points a lot easier than guys.......guys have to constantly be scoring little points); but it has been awhile since I've read it.
I think that book definitely has some truth to it. I remember reading it after a nasty break up and thinking "This makes total sense". Guys and girls are just programmed differently (and to be fair, I don't think we venusians are always rational). It is a fun book with some interesting insights.
I agree along the lines of cbh: it is difficult to discuss some of these complex issues through the internet.
Have you read "Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands"? Because that book is even better! And it's true...guys really are how she says!
Where do you think the saying "five attaboys don't make up for one aw sh.." comes from?
The second I saw that picture I thought, "Hey! That looks exactly like Nemesis!" Are you sure you don't have any of those boots?
I can ask daltonboy if he agrees with that stuff. I'm pretty sure I'll just get a blank stare and something like, "I don't know. I don't really think at all."
Wait a second. What happened to your hooker boots? Did you get rid of them?
John--Yeah, I've heard that the navigational stuff is pretty much a landmine, but it's always good to be reminded. And you're right--you are SO not average! And I mean that in the best possible wway.
Tanner, you make me laugh! Such wisdom in one so young . . .
Perhaps you are wise, cbh, even if your mouth does deserved to be scoured with a Brillo pad.
Kristen, I know. We're not always rational. I expect guys who read the book have the same reaction that we do. :-)
Hi Dad. And no, I haven't read Dr. Laura's latest work. I think it would look a little strange for a single gal to be reading about how to feed a husband. People would think I was thinking about someone else's or something. Also, I've never heard of that saying before. But it's funny.
DG, thanks for remembering what I really look like. Maybe I'll leave the china to you when I die!
Hi Amyjane! Yeah, I eventually got rid of them because they pinched my toes something awful. And because every time I walked outside people tried to proposition me.
I've never really thought of things in terms of points, so I can't really say.
One of my last courses in college was Varieties of English, and part of the course focused on gender differences. It was so eye-opening. Suddenly I understood my wife so much better.
I haven't read Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, but I'd highly recommend You Just Don't Understand. It focuses more on communication issues, I think, but it also explains a lot of other gender issues.
.
I can't believe you asked that question.
Minus 50 points.
Yay! I finally get in on the china thing.
I asked Daltonboy about the points. He responded EXACTLY as predicted. The good news is, no point system here. We appear to work on the "lemonade principle." My doctor told me about it (I think he stole it from Dr. Laura). If you have sex with your husband regularly, that's really all he wants from you. And he'll walk across a desert just to get you a glass of lemonade. So far it seems to be working just fine.
I realize this won't help you in your current situation, but if that should ever change, you will know how to act.
That bites, but it would explain a couple of things about the boy in my house.
No sexy boots? Dudette, go shopping!
The Anonymous that suggested you read a Dr. Laura book was not your Dad.
Oh, Nem, I was with you when you bought your boots! Well... when you ordered them. We were supporting the economy together. I still have one of the pairs of shoes I ordered that day, but they really should be retired.
Also, Daltongirl, BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm going to have to make note of that.
Savvymom-
A regular basis is something that you do on a regular basis ie. more often than not.
Example:
I take a shower 7 days a week
Brush my teeth 3 times daily
Eat breakfast 7 times in one week
Pray 7 times a week
Run 6 days a week
Do my homework 5 days a week
Hi SQ, I actually read that book (it's by Deborah Tannen, right?) for a linguistics class years ago and I do remember it being fascinating. Will have to put that one on the list for a reread. Thanks!
Th.,--SOB! You NEVER do anything nice for meeeeeee!
Ah. Well, um thanks for that, DG. You go enjoy your lemonade there.
Hi Chosh! I do have some sexy ankle boots, does that count? It's just that everything is so dang expensive over here!
Oh, sorry about that, Anon 2! I guess this wouldn't be an issue if my dad would just pick a screen name, say, "Your Father" but he won't. Thanks for commenting!
Hi Cic! Yes, I remember that day of excess and hedonism at Americaneagle.com. Too bad their friggin' boots shrink.
Hah! Enjoy being in the hole, sis.
I think Brat Pitt is messing with those figures. Not that he would ever do that . . .
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