Not so much Fantastic, really

I went w/Cicada on Saturday night to support my boyfriend Ioan Gruffudd, who is currently taking a break from being Horatio Hornblower to star in The Fantastic 4. He and I discussed it, and I told him that would be fine, as long as he's back in his breeches and on the high seas within the next year or two.

I went to see Fantastic 4, even though I knew the movie would probably not be any good, because that's the kind of supportive girlfriend I am. (Note to famous actors who wish to date me: I'm such a good girlfriend that I'll go see your movies even if they're crap. Only I won't pay full price, because Love Has Limits.)

Movie lowlights:

It was at the dollar theatre, which is not a good place.
Someone in front of us reeked very strongly of body odor. It was quite off-putting.
The plot was ridiculous and they never did quite clear up why the heck Dr. Von Doom all of a sudden wanted to kill Ioan and his little friends.
They ran out of zipper on Jessica Alba's suit. It's sad when the costuming unit runs out of budget like that.
What kind of nasty heartless woman breaks up with her Husband Who is Now a Rockpile by driving all the way to a bridge and traffic accidents and crowds where her rockpile husband is saving entire trucks of NYC firefighters so that she can stand there and look at him tearfully and put her several-thousand-dollar wedding ring on the ground where he can't even pick it up on account of the rock fingers and then turn around and walk away? It's called a phone, beast.
Ioan was the only one who never took off his shirt. That's not right.
He sounded funny with an American accent. And they gave him a bad hairstyle.
People clapped when the movie was over. Why do they do that? They realize that it's a movie, right? And that the characters aren't actually on the other side of the screen, waiting to hear whether or not we like it, right?

Movie highlights:

Sometimes Ioan's hair got disheveled.
And sometimes he didn't shave.
And sometimes he wore the blue suit w/the pecs (yes, and the codpiece, for those of you who were going to mention it anyway).
And he still has those great dimples.
Sometimes Jessica Alba was offscreen, or invisible, or not talking.
Cicada and I went to Coldstone afterwards and my ice cream was very good--chocolate and cheesecake ice cream with peanut butter cups.


Coop said... [reply]

It does not bode well for the movie when the most interesting thing about it is an actor's pecs (and codpiece). It REALLY doesn't bode well for a movie if I find that the most interesting thing. Just an observation. I haven't seen the movie, nor the famous pecs. I swear.

DanaLee said... [reply]


Yes, it is true that we girlfriends of Hollywood hot shots often have to stretch ourselves. I mean I was thrilled when Vin told me he wanted to move more toward the comedic romance rather than action hero. I was fully supportive of his roles in XXX and Fast and Furious, but the idea of him being the new Tom Hanks made me ecstatic with glee. So there I was the supportive Hollywood girly show on the opening night of the Pacifier despite the evil and vicious rumors of it being a flop. But unlike you, my love has no limits, for I also bought the DVD recently. Seriously, he is in nothing but a towel for a good 35 seconds. That alone was worth the $9.99.

daltongirl said... [reply]

Other things that made the movie worth it, which I have already mentioned and you forgot to point out:

Sometimes Ioan slipped out of his American accent.

We got to see a lot of his stoic, Horatio, I'mgoingtodothisnomatterwhattheconsequencetomyself, face.

Also now I have a lot of dreams about being Elastigirl.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I clap at the buck-fifty movie in my town for the projectionist. Not every time. I have standards. They receive applause from me if

1) the film starts on time, or within fifteen minutes of the advertised start time. So far this has never happened, so I haven't actually clapped yet.

2) the film doesn't break more than once during the movie.

3) they get the sound to start at the same time as the movie. This hasn't happened yet, either.

4) they get the picture to start at the beginning, rather than ten minutes into it, while we listen to sounds we can't understand.

5) they let us watch some credits. This has also never happened, so there are a number of movies we've had to get on DVD (which is usually out before the movie comes to this particular theater) to watch the end and see if there's a cool surprise.

6) I don't have to wrestle my shoes from the floor at the end of the movie.

Nemesis said... [reply]

The part about your shoes being wrestled from a sticky lake of orange soda is just gross, daltongirl.

But thank you for reminding me of those extra two very real and good highlights.

I also forgot to mention that Flame Boy has very nice muscles. So even though I was seeing them instead of the muscles I wanted to see, it was still a nice diversion from the Rock People and their Nasty, Nasty Wives.

Spitfire said... [reply]

I think the first time I experienced people clapping at the end of a movie in a theatre was when i was in elementary school and went with a friend to see Free Willy. I'll never forget the moment the whale jumped over the rock wall and the Michael Jackson theme song came on. Even at a young age, my insides began rotting out and all i wanted to do was puke. So the eruption of tears, clapping and shouts for joy definately caught me off gaurd and I wondered if this was even real. I am really here, experiencing this, or have I just been warped in to one of those mormon buttercream gang family films??

My life changed at that point, and I officially developed a hatred for those who clap at the end of films. It's that the dear sweet Whale and the Buttercream gang are on the receiving end of all that. But who care about MJ, anyway.

Spitfire said... [reply]

(in my last paragraph, I meant to say "its SAD that the dear sweet whale. . .")

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

I can't believe I didn't even realize that was Horatio! I mean, I kept looking at him, trying to figure out who he was (he did that famous nostril-twitch thing that he does), and I just couldn't get it.

Plus I was totally there saturday night and at coldstone afterwards, and I didn't even see you. What time were you there?

Also, I need to return your boyfriend. How can we arrange this?

Nemesis said... [reply]

It's okay, ambrosia. I mean, he didn't sound like Horatio, and he had bad hair.

I was there at the 7:10 show! You?

Cicada said... [reply]

I guess the clapping in the movie theaters is pretty much the same thing as the fact that Utah audiences give every performance a standing ovation. It just doesn't make sense. Now, when they start giving movies standing ovations... well, I'm sure I don't know what I'll do then.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Thank you so much for agreeing with the thoughts in my head on the standing ovation thing. Don't people realize that standing ovations are meant to be a special thing? When you give a standing ovation every single time someone gets up in front of you and does something, that kind of lessens the compliment.

Also, when I'm sitting and everyone else is standing, I can't see the people that I want to applaud. Then I start beating the people in front of me with my cane. It's a sick system.

Savvymom said... [reply]

I HATE the standing ovation thing! I've been not standing lately. I don't think it's gone over too well.

chosha said... [reply]

Vin Diesel in nothing but a towel....maybe I should rent the DVD after all.

Isn't Horatio Hornblower just the most adorable character? I've been watching that show every week lately.

Clapping at the end of a movie isn't common here (Australia). Last time I heard it was The Power of One, and before that Dead Poet's Society. I don't remember the Michael Jackson song, but I did cry when Willie cleared the wall. Hey I was young! Well, younger...

chosha said... [reply]


I think your standards are too high. Just a buck fifty, and you want SOUND as well? MATCHING sound? I mean, honestly! ^_~

Thirdmango said... [reply]

My favorite part was the incredibly cheesetastic line of "That's not my mouth, this is my mouth." Oh, so funny!

daltongirl said... [reply]

I'm not saying I have to have sound. I'm saying I have to have it if I'm going to clap. Along with certain other things.

Last night we went to local buck-fifty, aka The Stickyshoe to view "Madagascar." The film did not start on time, it was out of focus for most of the time, and they cut off the credits. I did not applaud. RHS, however, did applaud, to my embarrassment. I gave her a standing ovation when we got home.

That standing ovation thing drives me nuts. Esp. at school concerts. The kids can't even play the right notes in the right key, and everyone is standing up for them. Sets a dangerous precedent, in my opinion. So I sit, applaud graciously, and go out to my car to find my tires slashed. Sometimes you have to endure a little pain to make an important statement.

coolboyh said... [reply]

I went and saw The Pacifier with lizzy and another pair on a date once. When mentioned towel scene happened she and other girl about jumped out of their seats and she about cut the circulation off in my arm. The other guy (silly boy) said "it's just a towel", which was answered in unison by both girls "Yeah. JUST a towel."

You girls are silly.

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

Ah, that explains. I was the 9:00-something show.

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