9.09.2005

I hate meetings more than I hate a slap on the tush

Because at least if someone grabs my bum I can charge them with battery, assault, sexual harassment, and any other thing that applies. And I can get them fired and publish all about what a depraved sexual deviant they are (and since it's true it's not slander or libel). Also I can slap them hard on the face or punch them in the windpipe, but will possibly check into the legality of that since I don't want to deal with a counter suit.

With meetings, however, I can't do any of these things. I have no recourse. I just have to sit there and pretend that I don't actually feel my life force being drained from my slumped-over body. Also, let's clear something up: I am in no way talking about specific meetings that happened in my own office this very morning, so don't think that I am! I'm more talking about meetings in general--in the nebulous, "Hey, haven't you ever noticed this about meetings, whether they be to do with church or employment or volunteering or civic activities or family councils or support groups for people who kill those who force them to attend unnecessary meetings." You know, general stuff.

What kills me is how some people seem to love them. I mean yeah, some meetings are good and productive and short and have food, but most are the opposite of this. Maybe the people in charge love that they get to call the meetings. They act like they're throwing some kind of party with free pony rides. And you're supposed to get all excited and dance around at the prospect of such a fun fun time. But half the time I have absolutely no interest in the meeting, I have nothing to add to the meeting, and I would much rather stay at my desk surfing the Internet or maybe even doing the odd spot of work.

But to say that you'll pass on the meeting is like saying that you're skipping some WWII veteran's 100th birthday. "But it's a meeting! And you've been invited! How could you not want to come listen to people bluster about things for two hours?" Yeah well, I don't go to every party I get invited to, Skippy. But the guilt starts, and so I go, and then the people in charge decide that the 5 empty chairs in the room are some kind of silent affront to whoever is holding the meeting, so they go and grab five other people who have nothing to do with the meeting and make them come sit in the chairs with us. Because a meeting is valuable if it's keeping lots of people from doing their jobs.

By this, I mean people who really work, as opposed to people who do what I do.

11 comments:

Cicada said... [reply]

I'm actually one of those people who likes meetings. I don't know why. I just do. I mean, there's the food. There's the pre-meeting banter. There's the post-meeting banter. Then there's the actual meeting. If I agree with what's being said, I'm happy because I'm in agreement. If I disagree with what's being said, I speak out. It's fun!

Stupidramblings said... [reply]

I know what you are saying about meetings. In general, I mean. NOT in specific.

Once when I was a kid we had to plan the youth activities for our age group in church. Only we'd have these long 6 hour meetings to plan three months of canoe-practice trips and knot tying drills.

The problem was not with the kids--we just wanted to play. The problem was with the adult supervisor who tended to want us to do things his way, but was unwilling to state his way. Instead he tried to break our will by asking probative questions like, "Is that the kind of activity you think we should be having?"

"Do you think we should do something else?"

"No, I'm just asking if you think there is a better activity for goal #456448."

"No, we think that activity fits."

"Well, why don't we do this instead...."

So as you can see, we were powerless to resist.

By the way, my blog--rambli.blogspot.com is now up and running. I would appreciate Miss Nemesis' friends taking a look and possibly adding me to their community of intelligent humorists.

Please?

Aw, come ON! JUST TRY IT!

HOW CAN YOU TELL UNLESS YOU READ A FEW POSTS!

This conversation is over.

Th. said... [reply]

.

Well, if stupid's a spammer, at least stupid's an on-topic spammer.

I too like meetings (mostly), but I think that's because I'm a boring person.

Of course, there is also the fact that I hate meetings.....

I'm not sure how both of those are true but they are.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to congratulate you on selecting such a sleek avatar.

Th. said... [reply]

.

Maybe I am just secretly illiterate, but probably 75% of the time I have to type the word verification twice.

Or maybe I'm just a moderately successful spammer and don't realize it...?

(also: does Q seem awful common in those things?)

Nemesis said... [reply]

Perhaps I should clarify. I would like meetings if they were fun, rather than scary potentially life-threatening things that I've heard they can become in some other people's workplaces of which I have no knowledge.

And stupid is a friend, not a spammer. He might even know what I mean about meetings--in general, of course.

And thanks for the compliment on my cute new profile girl!

Spitfire said... [reply]

Holy cow. A perfect example of this ocurred just yesterday. If I hadn't been feeling like a good person that day, I swear a certain part-owner would not have left the building alive, or at least with his head still attached to his shoulders. POM (part owner "M") was concerned that not everybody knew how to work the mail meter just in case two runners and the receptionist decided to skip out on work at the same time on the same day. (even though that would never EVER be permitted...and like it's that hard, anyway. all you have to do is push "enter." Yeah, you know, the bright green button?!!?!)

Anyway, when the "professional mail meter lady" came to reload something, POM decided that it would be a good opportunity for the PMML to give a short presentation on how to stamp and seal our mail.

Of course, I sensed that this was about to happen so when questioned on my availability I very bluntly stated that, "yeah, I actually AM busy". . .hence the running around crazy like a chicken with it's head cut off, and fully loaded arms. (duh!) Alas, 5 minutes of my time was requested-but I haggled it down to 2.

So as we stupidly stood there together staring at the machine that would soon become our best friend, PMML started feeling a little too important. So instead of the 30 seconds required, she decided to make this performance as long and useless as humanly possible. After at least 5 MINUTES of doing the whole Vanna White thing, she actually took it upon herself to just run all of our mail through (of which there is a ton)to "give a good example." I couldn't believe we were still standing there, and that this was actually happening. So, as all good workers do that don't waste precious time, I reminded her that it really was not necessary for her to weigh all our mail, neither was it necessary for us to stand there watching. At first she didn't get it, and just kept on going. Finally though, I sweetly thanked her (for the group) and said "wow, this looks so easy! I'm sure we are all so excited to use it now. Thank you for showing us the green button. . .have a good rest of the afternoon!", grabbed my stuff, and pushed everybody else out. honestly people. was this really necessary?? It's not like we couldn't have just had the couriers, whom we love, show us the ropes if needed. . .

Really, it was one of the dumbest
"professional presentations" I have ever witnessed.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Yay to my sister spitfire! Maybe we should get together and open up that law firm together with savvymom. I don't know what the official name would be, but the unofficial name would probably be something awesome like "B**** Queens from Hell."

Kelly said... [reply]

Yeah self-defense only counts if there's an imminent danger of serious bodily injury.

Freakin' Bar exam.

chosha said... [reply]

Since I got promoted I attend a LOT more meetings, and I've started looking ahead and realising that it just gets worse. I think the most draining meetings are the more general ones. You have to sit there for an hour or two, even though the part of the meeting that is relevent to your work may only take 10 or 15 minutes. You'd think it would be interesting to hear what others are working on...but inevitably it isn't. One day when I get to the stage where I'm calling meetings instead of just attending them, I am so going to make them short, sharp and to the point.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Yeah, see. Chosha gets it. Pointless meetings are no good.

And Kelly's right. Turns out I also have to try to retreat before I use lethal measures that would invoke the self defense rule.

There go all of MY favorite daydreams. Dangit.

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

When forced to attend meetings where I do not get to be the blathering person in charge (I like those kind), I try to come armed with paper and pen. Then it looks like I'm taking notes and being respectful, attentive, and responsible. So I get brownie points. Sometimes I also get brownies. And on top of it, I'm getting paid to sit and diagram the Piercean analysis of the group situation or to write short stories or even snide remarks about the presentation.

Nice on the BLAW reading. I took on of our BLAW courses when I was in high school. Fascinating stuff.

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