10.23.2005

The mow-bile phone

So you know how the world is all about opposites and contrasts and all that good stuff? And how even if you have a good thing people will find a way to use it for their own evil purposes?

Examples:

Internet
Good things: Email, my blog, online shopping, Wikipedia, vast hoards of information at one's fingertips
Bad things: Child pornography, spam, hate sites, email forwards about sick children in Guatemala named Angela who will be made well if you keep forwarding this email

Television
Good things: Educational and cultural programs, great shows like House and Malcolm in the Middle, really funny commercials
Bad things: Eroding decency standards, 99.7% of all reality tv, and the kind of cable where there's actually nothing to watch on any of the 72 channels, but you think there must be, so you keep flipping through the channels like a mindless zombie for two hours until you realize that your eyes are so dried out you can no longer blink

And last but certainly not least . . .

Cell Phone/Mobile
Good things: ability to contact people in times of emergency, text messaging, free long-distance
Bad things: people knowing they can contact you at all times, the "Hey, I can drive, talk, eat, and shift at the same time" mentality, hearing the ringing of the phones during movies, plays, and church, the legal process and jail time that ensues when one beats to death people whose phones ring during movies, plays, and church

Today I found a new one to add to the cell phones list. First off, they're so darned technologically advanced with the mobiles over here. (Yes, my American brothers and sisters. I rolled my eyes in the beginning but now I must say it is true--theirs are way cooler than ours.) So let's say that a sweet eccentric elderly gentleman pulls you aside after church to brag about his grandkids. In the normal world, this would consist of him telling you that he has x number of grandchildren, possibly including information about names and ages. If he's really committed, he'll pull out a wallet and flip through a couple of pictures. Still though, you're looking at maybe 5-7 minutes tops, which a proud grandpa is certainly entitled to.

(Editor's note: There are different rules for a proud aunt showing off pictures of her darling niece. I'm pretty sure that people are willing to look at those pictures for 12-14 minutes, because she's just that precious.)

Here though, here an EEG can pull you aside, whip out a cell phone, and flip through seven hundred million pictures of his grandkids. Not only that, but you get to see all the other pictures in the phone too--the ones of the pets and the neighbors and the random children that aren't even related to the sweet EEG. Also, because these things apparently conceal a memory stick that should by rights dragged along behind the user in some kind of trailer, there are also several minutes of sound files and video footage. And you get to see it all.

Lucky, lucky you.

21 comments:

foodie said... [reply]

I am sensing that you may have had the wonderful privelage of interacting with such an EEG. How in the world did you get stuck listening to him, and for how long?

metamorphose said... [reply]

oh dear

April said... [reply]

Doesn't it suck to be a nice person some times? Whenever I'm tired of being nice and getting stuck in a situation I don't want to be in, I think, What Would Aaron Do? Aaron being my brother, who is unafraid of quitting jobs, cursing people out, or just generally being a jerk.
I don't actually do any of those things, but it makes me laugh to imagine myself doing them.

redlaw said... [reply]

I like to call it the Eyes-Glaze-Over stage of niceness. I find myself able to leave the conversation, retreat into my head and think of other things, as long as I throw a few uh-huhs in for good measure.

It has saved me from beating a few EEGs in my day.

Streets of Belfast said... [reply]

The EEG in my ward does not have a cell phone (Praise the Lord) he writes poetry and really likes to recite it to me before Sunday School. Today I was even lucky enough to come home with three of his poems which he had thoughtfully printed out for me.

CBH said... [reply]

Yeah, I knew they had cooler cell phones over there. That and they call it their mo-bile, instead of mobile, cell phone, or just a 'phone' (pathetic Americans, taking all the fun adjectives out of everything).

I once saw a phone at work over the summer with a 2.5" by 2.5" screen with full keyboard, many megapixel camera and videocamera, 512MB internal hard drive for video and music, two slots in the back for memory sticks, and all that other good phone stuff. I so wanted one. One day,m if i'm a rich business man who does Power Lunches, I'm getting one.

That's not to say the phone I have doesn't do cool stuff, because it does. I'd rather have a brother though.

As for EEG, yeah, those happen. High Tech ones aren't very fun either. But at least he cares about his Grandchildren, and likes you enough to share the love.

kristen said... [reply]

I'm so glad you didn't say 100% of reality shows--because the Apprentice is just cool. The rest pretty much suck (except I do get sucked in to American Idol from time to time).

Amen to the annoying cell phones that go off in church and movies. It's like they're saying "I'm so important I can't turn my phone off for 2-3 hours." Get a life people.

Chris said... [reply]

You like Malcolm in the Middle?

That has to make you one cool girl.

Of course, after the comments I just finished reading (aka, not from this post), there may be some balance happening ;)

metamorphose said... [reply]

Malcolm in the Middle is the best! I want to marry Dewey when he grows up...well, er not really. But I want him to be my friend.

Savvymom said... [reply]

'Reality' TV really is crap. Espcially supernanny and America's next top model. That show is worse than the Real World. Seriously. I can't believe I even watched a whole episode. I could go on for ages....

chosha said... [reply]

Torture. Pure torture.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Foodie, I did indeed meet such a man. He's just one of the chatty old guys in the ward, and he had me for at least 10 minutes!

Meta--Indeed. Also he had hairy ears.

April--I'll starting thinking of your brother Aaron too! I mean, it won't necessarily be easy, but I'll do my best.

Thanks for the tips, redlaw! Next time I'll just go away with Colin Firth, and it will be lovely.

Streets--Bwah hah hahahah! You'll have to point him out to me when I come visit! How's his poetry?

Cbh--I'm with you. I would much rather have Dave than gadgets--or even the money I could get from selling all his camping stuff online. :-)

No lie Kristen, I was totally thinking of you "The Apprentice" when I took it down from 100%.

Chris--that show makes me laugh more than any other show can. That is some funny, funny writing.

Meta--I actually keep waiting for an alien to crawl out of Dewey's chest cavity. He is a scary genius, though!

Savvymom, I believe you could.

Chosha--SPEAKING of torture, I had no idea you taught early-morning seminary. You're a noble one, y'are.

metamorphose said... [reply]

"'Reality' TV really is crap. Espcially supernanny and America's next top model. "

BWAH HA HA! America's Next Top Model is totally my guilty pleasure! I love that show! Ha ha ha! But shhhhh. Don't tell anyone. I go to upn.com and vote and everything! Ha ha!

JB said... [reply]

Liking Malcom in the Middle just brought you (and Chris) up a bunch of coolness points. In case you were wondering.

Their phones are pretty nice out in Jolly Old England. Plus, you don't get charged if someone calls you! What a concept!

Limon said... [reply]

My biggest confused frustration with cell phones is the fact that some phones cannot be silenced without ringing at each interval between loud and shutted-up. So you not only hear the ringing during class, but then you hear BWBWBWP BWBWBWP, bwbwbwp, bwbwbwp. Just take the battery out next time.

CoolMom said... [reply]
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
chosha said... [reply]

Nemesis: not so noble that I'm going to miss getting up for it. :)

Grumbee said... [reply]

Did you know that I'm the last person on the planet to not have cell phone? So despite this catchy sales pitch, I'll never be converted to the new age and there's nothing you or Great Uncle Mortimor can do to change me....nothing!!!

Grumbee said... [reply]

Actually I'm going to get one once I get back to the States. Pardon my Schizophrenic outburst in that last entry.

Call me?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Meta, I won't tell anyone that your absolute favorite TV show is America's Next Top Model, or that you send fan mail to Tyra Banks. Your secret is safe with me!

Jessica, I'm glad you like it too! This means we both get to be cool. Sometimes I just go onto imdb.com and read the quotes from the show. Then people have to ask me to leave the library because my laughter is bothering the other patrons.

Limon--Yes. A thousand times yes. They should take the battery out and then eat it!

Chosha, 'nuff said.

Grumbeer, HAH! My two last stand-for-truth-and-righteousness friends are finally caving! Hah! This feeling is sweet.

Panini said... [reply]

my, my...sounds like it was an enchanting old man. I want one of those phones.

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