England and I are fighting

That's right, it's come to this. I never wanted it to happen, but right now we are not friends. I will tell you why, but first I would like to share a little timetable. (I'm still sick, by the way.)

11:30pm last night: went to bed

11:30-12:29 couldn't breathe

12:30 finally fell asleep with open mouth and head propped up at 90 degree angle from body

2:00ish woke up having odd form of hot flash (that or the gremlins spilled a glass of water on my chest)

2:15 fell back asleep

6:30 woke up with open mouth and tongue covered in dust and concrete. Staggered to bathroom to get drink of water. Landlady J's cat (who I am feeding while she's away this week) sensed from outside that I was up from the second I pulled back my duvet and immediately took up her post outside the front door and began meowing. I swear she's been doing this all week. If I let her in, she claws at things and begs for food. If I put her out, she scratches at the doors (both front and back) and sets up this incessant wailing to be let back in. I have never in my life been so close to wishing (and being willing to be the cause of) actual bodily harm on an animal. I mean, hello, I am an Animal Lover!!! She's doing it right now. "Meow? Meow? Meow?" If I were the neighbors I would throw beer bottles at her--or possibly a refrigerator.

6:30: took lots of Ibuprofin in the hopes that my face would stop hurting. Quite possibly my sinuses have enough pressure to do . . . something pressureful. I dunno. Shoot a cannon or whatever.

6:45 couldn't fall back asleep

6:50 still no sleepy

6:55 nope

7:00 not gonna happen

7:05 turned computer on and looked up Student Health Center info, making note to call for an appointment Monday morning if I don't feel better.

7:10 noticed my mom was on Skype, so called her so that she could say comforting things to me

8:00 went downstairs because my face hurt real bad. Remembered that my Landlady had mentioned having some of those flu relief drinks in the house. Proceeded to tear apart kitchen looking for them in the hope that they might contain decongestant.

8:07 found them--available flavors are blackcurrant and lemon--and a jar of possibly expired and odorless Vicks Vabo-Rub.

8:10 took sip of hot lemon drink. Gagged uncontrollably, as it was The Absolute Worst Thing I have ever tasted. It rivaled Tahitian Noni, people.

8:15 need for decongestant outweighed need to not gag, so plugged nose and downed the mug. Did Shudder/Gag Dance in the kitchen. Now, tell me, England. WHY on this green EARTH would you ever want someone to experience something like that? Why??? Do you have something against pills? Do you have something against me??? What??

9:00 took long, hot, steaming shower, which felt absolutely marvelous. I breathed through my nose for the first time in days. Never wanted to get out.

9:25 applied Victoria Secret's Love Spell lotion to my legs. Realized I wasn't smelling the lotion. Took lid off the bottle, stuck nose in and inhaled deeply: nothing. I have absolutely no sense of smell. I couldn't even smell Vicks Vaporub.

Now, here's the trick: If my sense of smell is gone, then my sense of taste is severely limited as well. And if that lemon drink had the power to make someone with no sense of taste do the Shudder Gag Dance Handshake in the kitchen, then what does it taste like normally? Am now convinced that this is some twisted example of the Stiff Upper Lip/Mustn't Grumble complex.

And if you ever catch me touching that hot drink powder again it will be because all the other drugs are gone and I'm cutting lines of it to snort.


April said... [reply]

Ah, the shudder/gag dance. I know it well.

England is such a bully. How dare they not properly medicate their sickly?

And what I've learned from campus nurses is that, no matter what you go to them for, they'll ask if you're pregnant. And no matter how many times you tell them you aren't, they won't believe you.

The Walrus said... [reply]

April- I can just imagine the scene with the nurse!

Did you actually get a flu jab?
I would be in the same state as you for most of the winter if it weren't for it. In fact, I blogged about it so that people would actually know they exist but no-one read it.

Oh, they won't actually give you the jab if you have a cold or flu already because it will actually make you feel worse for a day or two.

kristen said... [reply]

See--you didn't lose your sense of humor. I wish I could have seen the gag/dance thing. That would have been great (not that I am amusing myself with your misery).

Dang England!! You would think that a country with socialized medicine would be handing out decongestants like they do birth control. More people need them! (or maybe I'm wrong on that).

So sorry you are still sick. It sounds miserable. I wish I were there to help you!!

Lesson learned? Not only should one have a gun in their year supply, but a case of cold medicine!

metamorphose said... [reply]

eeeegh. Don't die on us please. And someone ship off some proper medicine in express super fast mail. This is ridiculous!

Julie said... [reply]

Nemesis, you need to see a doctor. Please go down to Accident and Emergency in the morning if you don't have a GP. Otherwise if you have GP please call their emergency number.

England is no bully, you cannot treat yourself as it sounds as if you have sinusitis and need antibiotics

Fraggle said... [reply]

Yeah, I always add a teaspoon of sugar when I have to take Lemsip ;) I think we've just learned to cope with it...

Nemesis said... [reply]

April, I will be very excited for the pregnancy question. And hey, if I'm lucky maybe they'll ask me if I'm aware of my breasts!

John, I haven't gotten the flu jab this year (hanging head in shame) even though I've gotten one regularly the past few years. I'm going to ask if they have any left!

Hi Kristen, you would have loved the Gag Dance. And then you would have said, "Ew, go blow your nose!"

Thanks, Meta! I think I might pull through!

I think the award for Most Valuable Player needs to go to Nurse Julie! I just looked up the symptoms of sinusitus and I have Every Single One of them, right down to the achy teeth. So I'm going first thing in the morning to see my doctor and get my antibiotics. And if nothing else it feels good to at least know WHY I feel so bad. Thank you Julie!!!!

Fraggle, I tried the sugar thing--didn't help! Also, do we know each other in real life at all? I couldn't tell who you are from your blog!

Anonymous said... [reply]

I am so sorry that you aren't feeling well. Are you feeling any better today? I hope so :)

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

Wow m'dear. If you can't smell the Love Spell lotion, then things are really bad. Love Spell is usually detectable from two rooms away. (Pretty, but strong!) That cold and flu medicine must be awful!

Also, if you ever need money, I think you should start giving dance lessons. If people wouldn't pay you to teach the Dance of the Pained Manitee, I'm sure they would for the shudder/gag dance.

Really and truly though, feel better. Hope things go well at the doctor. Best wishes!

edgy killer bunny said... [reply]

This is why cats are evil and should all be exterminated. (I know everyone else is offering their sympathy about your impending death, but I don't think you're going to die because my world would then fall apart. But I blame the cat for all misery you are currently experiencing.)

Squirrel Boy said... [reply]

You know, I've found that being severely congested doesn't really seem to affect my sense of taste. Just sayin'.

Also, it cracks me up that Miss A still says "best wishes!"

The Walrus said... [reply]

I think I've caught what you've got, Nem. I've been lying down all day because I forgot my friggin asthma pump, so I'm currently dying.
I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO moving to the US!!

Stupidramblings said... [reply]

I have seen the dance. Or, something very like unto it. When Miss Nemesis used to work in my office, she would do the shudder dance anytime anyone would mention injury, illness, or foul substances. It was the only way we could break through her hardened librarian outer shell...

I agree with julie.

And I couldn't help but think of allergies as I read your post. Are you sure you are not allergic to the cat? Allergies left unchecked usually lead to a sinus infection for me.

Please go to the doctor and get cured. Then get an allergy test.

I say this in seriousness--I can send you an industrial size bottle of generic claritin for a late Christmas present if you need.

Please don't delay any longer in going to the 'medic.'

PS Love Spell lotion is glory in a bottle for the menfolk...

Julie said... [reply]

So glad to be of help, and hope you are already feeling better!

JB said... [reply]

Everybody's sick! Really sick! Well, lots of people are, anyway. I think it's a terrorist plot... oh wait, nope, just winter. A darn cold one at that!

I hope you feel better soon, Nem. And I think it would be funny to see a group of people doing the shudder/gag dance. And/or it'd make me want to gag...

TannerJ5 said... [reply]

Okay, so why is it that the first time I'm actually allowed to be on here your sick? Here in america, we would just pop a big old asprin. And... the streets are paved with gold!!!!!!

daltongirl said... [reply]

I thought it was, "There are no CATS in America, and the streets are paved with cheese." Because that would appeal too, wouldn't it?

Also, now that I'm out of bed, I can tell you we have that gross lemon powder stuff here, too. I got some as a sample in the mail (because apparently the manufacturers think if they can get you to try it, you'll rush down to the store and pay for more on purpose--crack smokers), and made daltonboy jr. take it one time when he was sick. He did the dance, and then claimed he hated me. I didn't know what the problem was. They make it like that so it works faster. Then I took some. I haven't been the same since. In Japan they don't put any of their drugs in capsules, so you have to drink powdered EVERYTHING, and I have never, NEVER tasted anything as nasty as that lemon tea stuff. Bitter, yes, but that stuff is straight. From. Hell.

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