Because I know how things should be done

A few months ago WR and I were having one of those big DTR-type talks (Utah slang, translation: Define The Relationship). The subject turned to what would happen if we should one day break up. It was a valid concern because of all the friends we have in common. It's not like we could just have some falling-out and decide never to see each other again, because that would result in one or both of us becoming a socially-deprived shut-in Miss Havisham-type figure.

I told him it would all be quite easy. If he ever broke up with me, it would not be a long conversation. I would say goodbye, ask my blog friends to not to talk smack about him, and then I would go get my hair cut.

WR: Your hair? Why a hair cut?

Me: Oh yeah. You get a hair cut as part of the whole "feeling good about myself again" thing and then when you're ready you head back out there, all sassy and with good hair.

WR: Huh. Guys don't do that.

Me: No, they don't. They ask out the next thing that moves in order to make themselves feel better. We get our hair cut and hang out with our girls and watch chick flicks until we're no longer a danger to ourselves and others. Because we actually have sense.

So, rather than make myself a liar when it comes to ETRs (new word invented by my mom, for which I must give her props, because that's funny), I had to do something about my hair. It is perhaps fortunate that the breakup fell at a time when I was starting to get sick of it. The last few weeks I've just been pulling the ropey dingey mass back in a ponytail because there was just too much hair to deal with, and if left to its own devices it threatened to take over my face and the whole world. You know when it's come to that stage it's bad.

I found of picture of, heaven help me, Jessica Simpson with cute hair. After conferring with Cicada on whether it was, in fact, cute, I printed it out in the computer lab, all furtive and stealthy. I took it to the beauty school at the college down the road and got a cut, style, and 2 highlight colors for 15 quid. NICE.

A young lady named Kaylee did my hair. I remember her name because it was tatooed on her lower back. And when another girl came over to help put the foils in my hair she asked if we were doing 2-brown 1-blond or the other way around. Kaylee's response was "Whoh'evah." Um, Kaylee? That is never the right answer, sweetie. I'm here to tell you. Kaylee asked if they do hair differently where I'm from, and I thought about messing with her and making up a bunch of stuff. Also her mobile went off in her pocket, which is against the rules. After swearing and digging for the phone, she set it on the table in front of me.

Me: Are you going to put it on silent?

Her: No, I can't. Now if it goes off they'll think it's yours.

The only flaw in her brilliant plan is that I would never be rude enough as to leave my phone on in a hair salon. Nor would I leave it ringing, either. Also my phone doesn't play stupid songs like hers does.

She did a good job, though. Three hours and two British fashion mags later (way dirtier than US fashion magazines, btw, I had to skip half of it) I was finished. The bad part is always when they go to style it and I end up looking like a half-drowned electrocuted person. I seem to be the only one who understands that hair isn't actually going to form attractive ringlets if people keep tugging on it and raking their fingers through it. Seriously, do they teach them nothing in these schools?

I paid my money, ran home, and stuck my head under the shower so that I could do it myself and see what it was really going to look like. And I absolutely love it. It took 5 minutes to style, and I can now comb my wet head without breaking the comb, the hair, or my neck. I'm including a picture, but it actually looks better than this, on account of the wind blew out some of the curl.

But seriously! 15 pounds! That is pretty much the best bargain ever. My ETR ritual is now complete.


The Walrus said... [reply]

Wow- you're right- it looks great! :)

abby said... [reply]

Those British blokes better watch out with your new cute hair.

Kelly said... [reply]

Super cute! Get out there with your sassy self.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

You look way good! Your hair really is cute!

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Very nice...
Though now I regret not telling you sooner how beautiful I thought your long locks looked in the pictures in the previous post.
But this new cuts looks great on you too, and it is still longer than what I have ever seen you with in person.
What a nice end to the Relationship Cycle.

CoolMom said... [reply]

Your hair looks really nice. I'd forgotten how long it was. Also, I'd have make it clear with "Kaylee" that if the phone rang, you got to answer it and say "whoh'ever" you liked!!!

kristen said... [reply]

Sexy mama!! Put that one up on your dating link and you'll get tons of mail (including 40 year old brazilian men and the sort).

April said... [reply]

Gosh, I'm out of the loop. I didn't even realize you were single now.

But your hair is sexy!! Looks very nice, Nem!

noelle feather said... [reply]

Looks great! So, where does ETR come in from DTR? Evaluate the relationship?

Laura said... [reply]

I'm the opposite - I will never get a haircut when I might be emotionally vulnerable. Sure, it might make me feel better if it's all sassy, but usually Murphy's Law prevails and I ended up holed up in a dark closet crying into a bucket of ice cream.

Glad yours turned out super foxy. Seriously, I was worried when you said you modeled any part of your style from Jessica Simpson but it looks super foxy.

Also, I realized I had graduated into adulthood when I started referring to DTRs as a "State of The Union."

Desmama said... [reply]

You do know how things should be done! The hair looks great--it's cathartic to make a change, isn't it? So what good chick flicks have you/are you going to watch? (BTW, this is TexMom now blogging as DesMom, since I moved).

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

I love the contrast in skin tones between you and 'Jess'.

dimmi said... [reply]

You know, it really did come out quite a bit like Jessica's. How cute.

jaime said... [reply]

Nem, I totally approve...you look great! The question is do you feel any better? I agree with Kristen that you should use that on your dating website. Great picture!

Th. said... [reply]


Great do, Nem.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Wow. I wasn't looking for extra validation and praise, but thanks for giving it! Y'all are sweet to me.

Noelle, ETR is End the Relationship, according to my mom. :-)

Laura, I hear you on the Jessica Simpson front (and the vulnerable front). That's why I had to run it by someone else first. Also, I quite like the "State of the Union" term.

Miss Hass said... [reply]

You look fantastic! Also, despite being vapid, Jessica Simpson usually looks pretty great. (I'll wait for the booing to stop.) I guess that's what you get when you TRAVEL WITH A HAIR GUY!!!

Anyway, lookin' good.

Grumbee said... [reply]

Nem you look fantastic! My roommates think so too!

daltongirl said... [reply]

Wait. Which one is you, and which one is Jessica? Whot-evah! You both look HOT.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Seriously, Hass. If I only had a beauty entourage . . .

Grumbeer, thank you very much. Your compliments (and those of your roommates) are turning me all Southern and fluttery. :-)

DB--bwah hah hahahah! If you need to distinguish between us, Jessica is divorced orange one, and I'm the pale one who would have never divorced someone as cute as that Nick person.

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