The usual suspects

So yesterday I braved the singles ward--actually, make that singles branch, for that is what it is. In Anchorage they have a couple of singles wards because that's where people are going to school and working. In Eagle River (a smaller town 10 miles away) there aren't too many reasons for young single adults to be sticking around. Unless, of course, they are cool like me and want to spend quality time at Mom and Dad's house.

Sacrament meeting was about what you'd expect, just with more hair and fleece. There was the girl in front of me who kept nestling her head on her boyfriend's shoulder. There was the girl behind me who did that soprano descant during all the hymns and I believe I've already expressed my feelings on that. (Hate.) Right up there with people who sing the hymns in their mission language. Show-offs. So, you know, I was feeling pretty much at home.

Only then it got odd. I started noticing that people kept getting up and walking out of the chapel--and not just between hymns or anything, but during the talks. From the time I started keeping track I counted 7 people get up and walk out. And that was just in the first few rows. (I was sitting closer to the front, so couldn't see what anyone behind me was doing.)

Now, seriously. Unless you have a bodily function emergency that needs addressing right that second, there is absolutely no reason why you can't sit still for 1 hour. I realize that the speakers were dead boring, but that is so very rude. I don't know what they were leaving to go do--maybe make some phone calls or meet up with their friends in the bathroom or some other 7th-grade activity. Someone needs to bring the smack right down on this bunch of antsy-britchers.

Also, I don't know how well I'm going to do in this ward (branch). I mean, everyone seems really nice and I'd like to make some friends and do stuff. But as far as the guys go, I don't think anything's going to be getting started there, onenreason being that I don't actually do anything they would find impressive. It's not something I'm agonizing over, it's just sort of a fact. As my brother introduced me to some of the guys he would say things like, "And this is the guy who helped us drag the moose down the mountain." I don't do that. I am a boring person who would rather be sitting quietly watching a play or strolling through the tame English countryside where nothing can eat you. I don't want to be all at one with the mountains and the carcasses and the big loud outdoor toys. I accept that about me. Now I just need to meet others of my kind.


Stupidramblings said... [reply]

I wasn't there, but you forgot the busybody know-it-all who gets up in the middle of the talk to go whisper in the Bishop's ear and then walk briskly out of the meeting room to take care of some urgent branch bidness and the crazy, creepy dude who enters late so he can choose which helpless young lady he will sit next to, and then sidles in during the prayer.

Cicada said... [reply]

But Nemesis! You offer vulnerability and the need to be protected! These men don't want a woman who can drag her own moose! They want someone for whom they can drag the moose! Let them serve you and remember to wear pink!

kristen said... [reply]

And did you keep a tally of all the cell phones that go off/and or the text messaging you see? That's my biggest pet peeve.....along with all the leaving during sac mtg.

Maybe you need to broaden your horizons. You know, opposites attract. You may find that some burly mountain man is your type; and he may be sweet and sensitive on the inside :)

Saxon said... [reply]

oh so that's what I've been doing wrong. I need to be able to drag a moose off a mountain to impress the ladies :-) Must remember that. Who knows where it will lead.

Probably to the local insane asylum when I start to offer to drag mooses of the mountains. :-)

blackjazz said... [reply]

I'm sure I read something in this post that explained that the phrase "round up the usual suspects" was from Casablanca, and I thought "now there's an interesting piece of information". But it's not there now. Am I finally cracking up?

BTW - good luck with the moose thing.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Yeah, I missed those two, stupid. I'll keep an eye out for them next week!

I'm fine w/men serving me, Cicada. But they need to be fine with not living in AK for the rest of their lives.

Didn't see any cell phones, Kristen. But there was plenty of that in my old ward, bless them.

Good luck with the moose-dragging, Saxon!

Blackjazz, I did get the "usual suspects" line from Casablanca but I didn't say so in the post. That must've just come from the vast store of trivia in your head. I'm going to refrain from weighing in on the cracking-up issue. :-)

DanaLee said... [reply]

Isn't it weird how we all have our sacrament meeting pet peeves! I also have big issues with adults and children that leave sacrament meeting on a regular basis. It's almost as if you can make a list before the meeting starts. The ward I visited this Sunday, the family in front of us had a 7 year old who left the meeting THREE TIMES! Her mom was just proud that she does it so reverently, arms folded, walking, etc. For the love, it's NOT reverent to be going in and out of the meeting. While you did mention the girl who was nestled, you forgot the girl/guy who thinks their boy/girl friend is a puppy instead of a person and they stroke their hair incessantly throughout the block of meetings. I wish this stayed at the singles level but there is a couple in my family ward that I get up and move if they sit in my view. He seriously cannot stop the stroking of the hair and it drives me BONKERS. I could seriously preach on this pedestal for hours but I will try to remain in control.

Anonymous said... [reply]

Well Nem I think you can find a guy that likes plays and wandering through the countryside. I happen to be one of them. Though I must admit that fishing is my first love when it comes to outdoor activites.

me said... [reply]

Wanna trade places? All the guys here are into plays and walking through tame rolling hills. I, on the other hand, am looking for a mountain-ish sort of man who will fit in with my brothers and take me camping. Perhaps Alaska is where I should go...

Miss Hass said... [reply]

Oops. That was me.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

I think the best sacrament story ever was the necking couple on the pew in front of my friend.

chosha said... [reply]

We don't have singles wards here, and just as well. Our bishop was praying so hard in the last month that a household of five single guys (who needed to move house) would find a place that was still in our ward. If not, he would have lost five people who fulfill key callings in our ward (and really well, too). In Australia most wards (Primary especially) would be hard pressed to find enough teachers if there were no singles.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...