These things happen to me because I am a winner

This morning I woke up after both my parents left for work. Because they have jobs and I don't.

I could hear the dog barking persistently in my garage, which killed the sleeping-in buzz. Finally I staggered out of bed and let her in, which made her ever so happy and loving and "Oh my gosh you're just my most favorite person in the world even though I wouldn't have anything to do with you last night when you wanted to play!"

On the kitchen counter I saw a loaf of banana bread that a neighbor brought over last night. It was about half gone so I cut a couple of slices and ate them for breakfast. While I ate I got on the computer and my dad IMed me.

Dad: Did you find the dog in the garage?

Me: Yeah I did. She wouldn't stop barking.

Dad: I came home earlier to get my cell phone. The little bread [the neighbor] brought over was on the floor in the family room half-eaten. That's why I put her out.

Dad: Hope you didn't eat any bread.

Piece of crap dog. No wonder she was all happy and excited and "please let me sleep on your feet while you read because I am Just. That. Devoted." And now my stomach is cramping up and I'm probably going to die. Excuse me while I go drink Listerine.


amyjane said... [reply]

Ick. If it makes you feel any better, Patrick ate dog food yesterday. That he took out of the dog's mouth. Kid's lucky he still has two hands. Never mind the grossness of eating ABC dogfood.

Scully said... [reply]

Isn't there an old wives tale about a dog's mouth being cleaner than a human's? Unless they have rabies, of course.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

As I read this post I'm talking to Nem and she's wearing the Value Village cords. Nice.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

Scully, the thing about the dog's mouth is they have less bacteria(s). Only they are probably different bacterias than our mouths.

Stupidramblings said... [reply]


What you call a half-eaten-by-a-dog-loaf-of-banana bread-and-then-eaten-by-a-human, I call Saturday night...

DP said... [reply]

Oddly enough, I was recently researching this very topic. I found this to be interesting:

At least your dog saved you some. Mine always eats the whole thing, along with whatever it was wrapped in: cellophane, aluminum foil, tupperware, iron, etc.

Maria said... [reply]

Ah, that's an adorable dog.

blackjazz said... [reply]

In case you were wondering, I guess you've found out why we don't have a dog.

kristen said... [reply]

You are a winner.....didn't the loaf look like it had been nibbled on, rather than sliced? Just wondering. BTW--that's awesome.

Anonymous said... [reply]

The things you talk about are really stupid.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

Nem, you should look and see where Mr.Cranky pants Anonymous's comments are coming from. I, for one, am dying to know what IP address that is.

Nemesis said... [reply]

I don't think you can find the IP address, not that I would bother. It's too bad that Anon is being forced, forced I tell you, to read stupid things.

Maybe I should refund his/her money.

Cicada said... [reply]

As long as we're bashing you today, I may as well add that I have always thought you were obese and Y Be Fit only confirmed what I long knew.

And you're ugly.

And you smell like Cheetos.

(Oooo! This is fun!)

Anonymous said... [reply]


I am very sorry for calling what you write "stupid." The fact is, I suffer from blog envy. I have a blog of my own, but I am unable to admit it here on your blog so I choose to comment anonymously. People just don't visit my blog, and I see that you get so many comments, and you have so many friends and you are so popular. I wish that I were popular like you. I wish that I were beautiful like you.

What I said in my moment of weakness was untrue and I take it back. The things you write about are brilliant, heart-warming, chuckle-inducing, and downright witty. I can only strive to be as good as you truly are.

Also I have a really small penis.

Panini said... [reply]

lol ;) (in a cmptr lab no less)
Is that pic you or your sis?

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

Its of Mom, panini.

And anon, its ok. Size isn't everything, and we can't all be popular. I'm sure you're beautiful on the inside. Or at least you were until you started saying lame things.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...