Not likely to reassure my married friends
I had a thought a few days ago that is probably going to send me straight to hell.
I'd been chatting with a friend about The Dating Scene, which is pretty much bound to come up any time two or more aged spinsters get together--along with cats, shingles, and the fact that our hot young bodies are going completely to waste. She mentioned that there just don't seem to be enough guys to go around. One example of this is my singles ward, where there are loads of attractive, nice women. There are also quite a lot of attractive, nice guys but it seems that only a small percentage of them are doing The Dating. I'm not sure what the rest of them are up to, but my speculations are not kind.
So I was thinking about this and about The Dating Pool. Unbidden, this rose from the murky depths of my thoughts: "Well, there's the divorce rate. Give it a few years and we'll have some more available guys."
When this registered, I kind of wanted to slap myself. Because what a way to think about things! I remember being horrified by the best-friend character played by Carrie Fisher in When Harry Met Sally. She kept Rolodex of available men and when a guy got married she dog-eared the corner of their card rather than ripping the card out and burning it.
And now I've become her. Perfect.
I blame society. I can feel comfortable blaming society because shortly afterwards I came across another girl who's had the same thought.
Note to my dear married friends: I am not checking out your husbands. Your shoes, possibly. Your KitchenAids, definitely. But not your husbands.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
11 comments:
"Well, there's the divorce rate. Give it a few years and we'll have some more available guys."
Nem, this is so sad, but unfortunately there's some truth to it.
I hate it when married men tell me "I can't believe you're not married; what's wrong with these guys....ya-da, ya-da, ya-da" Well, start believing it sonny, cuz there's a lot of us great, hot, brilliant single women out there. And Oprah claims SLC as one of the greatest dating pools. Shaw--as if!
I don't think that's evil at all. My husband had a "started marriage" and oddly enough his divorce was one of the things that attracted me to him. Mainly because he was an attractive guy over the age of thirty with and education and a good job. I couldn't help thinking, okay, what's wrong with him that he's not married yet. Turns out that there was nothing wrong with him, he just had a rough start in the marriage arena. So when I found that out in my eyes he went from "loser playboy who just wants to mess around until he finds the 'perfect' girl" to "handsome man with experience who'll really appreciate the right woman when he finds her."
Besides, in our little Mormon culture SO MANY people are rushing into marriage before really getting to know the person they've just commited to spending ETERNITY with. So yeah, sometimes people make mistakes. And hopefully they're better off for it.
Not likely to reassure my single girl friends . . .
I'm sorely tempted to come up and visit church with you one of these days. Because, well, if the rumors I've heard about L***** are true, the boys in your ward are dating; they're just not dating the girls.
Even so, what's wrong with dating someone who's divorced? Considering that people in our culture have a tendency to get married a) too quickly and b) too young, there are a number of wonderful, divorced, twenty- and thirtysomethings out there.
And KitchenAids? Really? If anything, you should be checking out their Bosch.
Haha! Thanks for the linkage!
Don't feel bad--I think more people than we realize have had this thought. A single girl at my work who just turned 32 declared that she was now waiting to find a man on his second time around. I don't think there's any shame in thinking it as long as you're not working to destroy a marriage or coveting somebody else's husband.
Kristen, yeah. It is sad. And as nice as it is to hear how great we are, sometimes it just doesn't help. :-)
Lilcis, well said. Because at least in some cases you know that if a guy is divorced at least he was willing to commit!
Edgy, if you turn up at my ward I know exactly who I'd introduce you to! And my bad if I gave the impression that I wouldn't date divorced guys, because I totally would. It's more the part where I don't want to start rooting for divorce as a solution to my dating woes.
Thanks, Suzie1! I promise I'm not doing either of those things.
Recently I was at a bridal shower for a sister missionary I served with and the room was full of sisters from my mission. There were very few who were unmarried, and I kindof thought it was sad to look around and think, "All these people are married. But statistically, lots of them will end up divorced." So yeah. I guess wait a little longer and then the dating world will open up again...
LOL nothing wrong with being a little practical. It's not evil
One thing that reassured me for sure, is the fact that divorced men aren't "branded" in your mind. Stinks being disqualified out here because of something some men have no control of, or choice about.
Cicada, sad. Sad and true. But hey, as long as I can reap the benefits, right? . . . right?
Jimmy, no worries. I mean, I have no doubt that divorce leaves its mark emotionally on people, but then so do a lot of things.
My KitchenAid has broken for the third time because it's too wimpy to make bread. I agree with Edgy on the Bosch issue.
When I was single, I knew a really wonderful guy with darling small children whose wife had been diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. I disgusted myself by hoping she would hurry up and die so he could ask me out.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That's one of my favorite scenes in a movie ever.
"Married...hmmm."
I'm not threatened, believe me. I would be pissed if he left because I've spent so many years grooming him in the social graces. There are days when his long list of eating and living requirements are enough to make me send him packing--oh?
Did I scare you?
We're not getting divorced, but we DO like to tell people the truth about all marriages.
I like what Jimmy said, you're just being practical. And right thinking.
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