Because Tuesday is the day for sharing

My sister Jenny called me at work yesterday because she was in Burlington Coat Factory looking at Grown Lady Dress-Up Coats for the first time ever. This is the one she called me about:

Pretty, huh? The shell is 80% lambswool and 20% cashmere, which will explain what happened next.

"It's just so beautiful and so soft, and now I'm standing here in the store petting myself."

"I don't think you're supposed to do that in a public place."

"Well, I'm in a dressing room. So no one knows I'm doing it but you. And the dressing room video camera people."

"Okay, that's good then."

But speaking of dressing rooms and the freaky things we do in them, something about the lighting in there makes skin imperfections suddenly become so noticeable that I cannot even consider leaving the stall until I have Done Something About It. It's like, "Woah? Why did no one TELL me that I had blackheads the size of quarters just hanging around on my face? Why are salespeople and children not shrieking in terror and then throwing up when they see me approach?"

I'm much better about this now, but thoughts like those led to one of my Worst Dressing Room experiences ever, wherein I made the poor decision of mashing at something that must have been connected directly to an artery. I won't get into details, but it was bad. And I didn't have any tissues or anything with me, (and was wearing white and khaki, so no help there.) I ended up using a Gap receipt to apply pressure to the wound for what seemed like forever. I'm lucky I didn't catch a disease doing that.

So. Let's hear some of your dressing room stories! You know you have them.


Janssen said... [reply]

I have no specific stories, but I think there is something about the mirrors that makes your own clothes look hideous and the store's clothes look fab. I always think "I have to buy this ______ because what I own right now is clearly too awful to even be wearing in public."

amyjane said... [reply]

Hee. I totally forgot about that day. It was awesome. Also, we were in L**** yesterday at the Cafe Rio and would have called you to join us, only my cell phone is MIA and Sean's phone has none of my most contacted numbers in it. Sad, huh?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Um, I kind of can't even speak to you right now, Amyjane. You knew where my library was, you could have come and grabbed me!

I weep.

Are you coming back through?

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

I'm really coveting that coat.

I think they also put carnival mirrors in the dressing rooms. Also, have you noticed that really nice stores (I'm thinking Nordstrom) are really dimly lit in the dressing rooms? It is like they have figured out that you will honestly pay $50 for a tee shirt if it makes you look skinny. I also find that if I don't go to the store without my hair and makeup done just perfectly then NOTHING looks good. I also have to bring tall shoes with me because everything is too long. This is why I've started shopping at Goodwill; I try nothing on and if it isn't perfect then I'm only out a few bucks.

Miss Hass said... [reply]

I don't have any specific stories, just that I REALLY hate trying on pants in that terrible light. I always look like I have two giant sausages instead of legs.

kristen said... [reply]

I almost choked up my pizza from laughing. A Gap receipt as a tissue. Love it. I hope you didn't need that receipt for a return or anything, cuz that would have been awesome--"I need to return this shirt; here's my receipt. Don't mind the blood...I was just trying to stop a zit from bleeding profusely."

I HATE the bad lighting. It makes me feel like every single zit I've ever had (which is many) is resurfacing. Talk about making you feel crappy about yourself.

Lindsay said... [reply]

My worst dressing room story sounds eerily similar to yours. I was trying on pants (that, of course, were too tight and consequently hard to get off) when I noticed that I'd cut my finger somehow and blood was gushing everywhere. Also didn't have a tissue. Or a receipt. Nothing. I tried putting pressure on my finger with my thumb. I tried sucking on it. But it would not. stop. bleeding. And it was all I could do to keep from getting blood on the pants that I certainly wasn't intending to buy while I tried not to trip over my own two feet (like I said...the pants were a little snug). I feel bad for whoever was with me - I was in the dressing room for an obscene amount of time.

TheMoncurs said... [reply]

I'm 7 months pregnant and recently got stuck in a dress in a dressing room. Maternity clothes are really hard to find so I'm mostly scraping by in regular people clothes that are either A. empire waisted or B. really stretchy. The dress had an empire waist but would not. come. off. Fortunately, I was shopping with my mom. Who then had to help her whale of a daughter get out of a dress that I had no real business trying on in the first place (you should see the looks I get while shopping in the regular people section. I get judged).

It was fun. And I HATE dressing room mirrors. I swear I'm prettier than that!

Anonymous said... [reply]

so one time I was at a store in the mall with my friend. He and I were very good friends, he and I were really close, but only friends, mind you. We always went shopping together. He was in the dressing room, and called out to me to look at his clothes. At this time, I cannot remember what was so funny, but whatever he had on he was too embarrased to walk out in it. So I went in the dressing room with him, and we were laughing very hard, so hard in fact no sounds were coming out. Anyway long story short, the mom in teh dressing room next to us, was highly disturbed thinking soemthing else was going on, and she went to get an employee..... we were kicked out, and shunned. it was awesome.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Janssen, I think somehow the opposite happens to me--especially when it comes to trying on jeans and pants. I love my own broken-in stuff and hate the fit of what's in the store! Very frustrating.

STM, I agree about the nicer stores having a better ambiance, lighting, etc.

I agree, Hass. And I love how I look when I'm trying on dresses while wearing something really sexy like black saggy trouser socks. Hot.


Lindsay, that does sound nasty. And I hear you on being in there an insanely long time. Amyjane thought I'd died in there.

TheMoncurs, I think a fun thing to do would be to make people in the store think you have some kind of denial disorder and that you don't actually think you're pregnant! If you do try it, please tell me how it goes.

Anon, I totally busted up laughing imagining this. So far your story is the winner!

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

I can't think of any particular dressing room stories, but my mirror at home is much more forgiving than the mirror in the restroom at work. I'll think I look fine when I leave, but as soon as I visit the restroom, I'll notice many stray eyebrow hairs, or wonder just what crazy person did my eye makeup that way, etc. It's a good thing that no one here cares what I look like.

daltongirl said... [reply]

Certified Bra Fitters at Dillards. Apparently their training does not include cautioning the Fitters that walking in to the dressing room at any time, handling the customers' breasts, and continuously sticking your finger in their cleavage are not appropriate.

Think Edna from The Incredibles. Height, voice, the whole nine yards. And yeah, she really did all that stuff. And called me "honey."

Yankee Girl said... [reply]

I don't have a story, but I did experience quite the shock when I walked into my very first Primark store in Belfast. I was so thrilled by the excellent prices that I gathered up a good armful of clothes and headed for the dressing room. I walked in to the dressing room which was just that a room. A single, huge room full of women in varying states of dress or undress (mostly undress--seriously you are supposed to leave on some clothes when trying things on that you might not buy). Well, there was no way that me and my garment-wearing self was going to strip down in front of all those women who would not know about garments so I walked back out and didn't buy a thing. I bet my face was priceless when I first walked in, though. (They now have proper dressing rooms)

BEFore said... [reply]

These stories explain a lot. You womens aren't REALLY staring at yourselves for 10 hours wondering whether you should or shouldn't get that __________. You're bleeding to death or passed out or something.

If only I'd know that sooner.

Audra said... [reply]

I see my witch hairs whenever I am in a dressing room (the stray dark hairs I get now and then on my chin or neck) and there is nothing I can do about them! Same thing with car mirrors... those mirrors always make me realize I need to pluck my eyebrows. I would keep tweezers in the car but I think I would be walking around with chronically red eyebrows then...

Oh, and remember Kirk? We went to the mall once and he needed to use up a roll of film so he had me take pictures of him in various dresses in the punker store. The dressing rooms were in the middle of the store and he put on a shirt that was too small and could not get it off! He kept telling me to come in the dressing room to help him with something and I wouldn't thinking he was going to pull some crude joke on me or something... so, then I eventually gave in and ended up having to undress Kirk! Man, I could have gotten in trouble with the honor code for that one! I have some pictures from that day still, funny memories of a guy who looked way too good in a dress!

Nemesis said... [reply]

Oh my gosh Audra, I DO remember that. The pictures you took are pretty much seared into my memory.

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