Matchmaker, matchmaker, make meeee a match
This morning on the way to work I started listening to a podcast of NPR's This American Life. Which, remember that one time when y'all gave me all your best podcast ideas? So much fun. I've added like 35 to try out. My life is now better and more complete.
Anyway. This American Life. It's about matchmaking today, and it began with an interview where a girl recapped a disastrous blind date that one of her very good guy friends arranged for her. The guy turned up hours late and completely stoned. It was not a good date, and she was left wondering exactly what must be wrong with her that her best friend thought that a late, cheap, stoned guy was the best she deserved.
Come to find out, her friend chose this guy because he seemed clean-cut, and her friend thought he might be a good change from the "rough guys" she seems to generally go for. She had no idea that he felt that way about her dating history. Which is where the host talked about how tricky a matchmaking thing is, because you can end up betraying a lot about what you really think about your friends by the people you try to set them up with. The matchmaker is actually risking more than the matchmakee.
This makes me want to look back on my own set ups to see what my friends must really think about me, as shown by their set-up picks:
I am witty and sarcastic (quite true)
I am smart (also true)
I am nice (sometimes, I hope)
I'm okay with being a rebound girl (not true, and I still have not completely let my friends off the hook for that one)
I do not believe good conversation is important (untrue)
I deserve to be lied to and set up with a guy who will take me to Souper Salad and then ignore me (never true)
I'm sure there are more, but I can't think of them at the moment. On the whole I've been lucky. Sure, I've gone on dates where we haven't clicked, but I could see where my friends were coming from and why they thought there could be a possibility. There have only been a couple of times where I've thought, "Seriously? This guy??"
So. What do your friends really think about you and your choices? I'm sure you've got some amazing things to share.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
19 comments:
I have never been "set up"... so what does that say about me? I have never had someone say "You should really go out with so and so..." maybe that means they think I am not good enough for the cheapest, loserest, stonedest guys out there! Haha!
Oh, and being a rebound girl ain't so bad in my opinion! When I met Levi he said he broke up with his ex-girlfriend (that he always thought since 8th grade he was going to marry) over a month ago... nope... found out later 3 DAYS!!! What the heck?!? Anyway, I helped him get over her and move on REAL QUICK! Haha! So... I always tell him I am just a rebound girl that he could not get rid of!
So, come on... be a re-bound! Sometimes they meet you and realize what they were missing in the last relationship! It is like always liking Nestle chocolate because it is good, but then once you have a bite of a Lindor Truffle you never want Nestle again! So, if even if it takes you a few days, a few weeks, or a few yeats to have that Lindor Truffle, it does not mean you are going to go back to the Nestle!
Ok... that was a lame metaphor... but lets just say I am Levi's Lindor Truffle... ok... I need some sleep... I am getting "punchy" and using too many "..."!
I try to send out a vibe of "don't set me up", and the only times I've been set up the people clearly know that I'm a) not married, and b) Mormon. Beyond that I can't tell that they've put any thought into. On the other hand, maybe they were actually setting up the other person and not me. Or does it have to count for both of us?
Audra, I think you got lucky. Generally being a rebound girl is not so much fun. The guy jumps in, all fast-like, and is pretty much using you to feel better about being dumped. And then 3 weeks later he disappears and gets back together with his ex. Not that I minded, because he was lame. And he shaved his back. So there.
J, you bring up the very good point that I forgot to mention--sometimes our friend's choice of date says nothing about us because they've put absolutely no thought into it at all other than "Single, Mormon, Breathing."
The first and last time I was set up on a blind date was when I was in high school. It was a double-blind date and my date was not actually that bad--other than we had nothing in common. My friends date, though, as we found out in the middle of dinner was a 26 year old married man. Yes, you read that right (remember how we were still in high school?). Since then anyone wanting to set me up has to endure a long series of questions and so far no one has made it through the questions (they aren't difficult questions just stuff like does he read.)
Anyway, I think most of the people who have tried to set me up lately must be thinking that I am getting to be so old that I should be grateful for anyone at all as long as they are still breathing--nevermind the whole belief in spending eternity with them messy belief that I have.
First of all, I think some LDS people (and maybe lots of other people, but my experience is mostly with LDS people)have slot machine in their head, wherein when they meet one single person, they pull the handle and matches them with whatever single person comes up. That is the only explanation I have for someone wanting to set me up with a 48 year-old man with four daughters. I nixed that one right quick.
I generally discourage set ups, but I have had one or two. The most disconcerting was during my freshman year at BYU. It was for some Heritage Halls dance and all of us roommates set up each other. There were costumes involved, so we let the guys pick. The others came up with things like Clark Kent and Lois Lane, Han Solo and Princess Leia, the Addams Family, etc. Things that were a) fun and b) worked. My date picked Captain Hook and Peter Pan. NOT Capt. Hook and Tinkerbell, or Peter Pan and Wendy, but Capt. Hook and Peter Pan. Which seriously skeeves me out when I think about it too much.
So, Scully. I have to ask. Were you meant to be Captain Hook or Peter Pan? Because that would be even more illuminating, I think.
I was Peter Pan.
Now I kind of feel like I missed out on an essential part of early adulthood. I never had a single blind date. Oh, but I met my husband while he still had a serious girlfriend and they had been dating for 4 years. So no one in their right minds would have set us up.
When I was set up, it was generally with some really great, on-top-of-it guys, and I'm being serious. Now, once they got to knowme, now, that's where the fun really began, because, looking back, I was probably laughable as a serious prospect to them. But I was always flattered that at least my friends thought I'd be a match with some cool guys that were genuinely nice to be around.
Maybe they are thinking. Single. Member of the Church. What else do they need in common?
And YG, A 26 year - old married man??????
Nem, you know I'm only reading your blog to get some great dirt for my next novel. ;)
I was set up once when I just moved to DC. A girl I barely knew at the time was trying to get rid of a boy and set me up with him (I found this out later). He took me dancing and told me indirectly that I wasn't a good dancer. Then he preceded to tell me about another girl he met on the dance floor who he totally clicked with. It wasn't a terrible date, but it obviously wasn't a good one.
I have never been set up either, and like Audra I have wondered if I should be slightly offended... does everyone I know really think I'm not good enough for anyone they know?
And then I read other people's creepy blind date stories and I think I should probably be flattered that no one has ever offered to set me up! Maybe the truth is that they don't know anyone good enough for ME? :)
Yankee girl, I have GOT to get the rest of that story. You really ought to blog about that.
Scully, I suppose your date could have been being quirky and ironic. Or maybe that was his funny take on the fact that Peter Pan has historically been played by women. Or, you know, maybe he's a closet case who likes young boys.
Jeri, you'll live, I think. :-) Blind dates are only good if a)they result in true love, or b)they result in horrific blind date stories.
Desmama, you're lucky I can't reach you. Of course your friends picked good, nice, on-the-ball guys for you! And they were right to.
STM, best run it by me before you use any of my best stuff--I have my own novel to write too! ;-)
Ugh, Abby. I roll my eyes at boys sometimes.
Audrey, I think we should go with the "your friends know no one is good enough" premise. Your friends are probably smart and will only bring it up when they meet someone they REALLY feel confident that you'll like.
I forgot to mention, Nem, that while I had a costume scrapped together from random green things found at Savers, he had a full Capt. Hook costume, complete with fantastic wig and coat. My hope is that he had the costume from something and was just being lazy. But I still resented him for making me be Peter Pan. And I resented Savers for not having anything cute/girly in green.
I laughed so hard when I read this post. Maybe I should blog about the blind date that almost got me married (it doesn't have a happy ending)?
Also, I found your blog through my high school friend Lisa Davis. Now I have to read pretty much everyday.
~Maggie
I used to visit teach a woman whose son lived in her basement. Every month when I would go visit she'd say, "I wish you would go out with my son Chad!" Once when my teaching companion and I were walking back out the car, she told me, "Whatever you do, don't go out with Chad." I wasn't planning on it anyway, but I was intrigued. "Why?" "He's about 6'5", weighs at least 400 pounds, and people call him Tiny."
The physical description honestly wasn't as disturbing as the fact that this grown man was unemployed and living in his mother's basement.
After that visit I saw Tiny a couple of times in his mom's front yard. He was wearing dingy jeans and a dirty tee-shirt with the sleeves cut off. My mom has also confirmed that he has copious amounts of arm zits.
I'm still completely offended that the thought would even cross that lady's mind for me to date her disgusting loser son.
Did you catch the last story on that episode of This American Life? The one about baby Nubbins? I just wanted to point out that the lady who told that story was single LDS women from New York. She has a book out and you can see more of her at her myspace page.
http://www.myspace.com/elnabaker
Oh, and I wasted about 4 months of my life going out with a guy who started out as my sister's blind date. I don't know why I did it... he had gone on a mission, but I later found out that he hadn't yet finished high school due to flunking a class and a poor GPA.
At the time I was 22 and hadn't yet been in a relationship longer than 3 dates. So really it taught me a lot about what I didn't want in a relationship and ready for my hubby who I met a year or so later.
Oh, and I'm guilty of setting up my sister on dates with guys who I knew almost nothing about. I'm ashamed to admit it.
But never again.
Me Again, I thought the Baby Nubbins story was hilarious. When it said she had a memoir coming out entitled "The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance" I thought that might be a clue. :-)
Welcome, Maggie! And thanks so much for the compliment. Lisa is such a cool girl, isn't she!
Suzie1, that's . . . one of the creepier things I've ever heard. I mean, I'm sure his mom was desperate to get him out of her house, but really!
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