Being a force for social change can be exhausting, y'all

But I'm not a shirker. So I press forward.

I had to bawl out some neighbor kids for ripping up my roommate's flowers. Only I tried to do it in a nice way and refrained from setting anyone on fire with my eyes. They were still across the street when I realized what happened, one of them holding the victimized flowers in her hand, and they still tried to act like they had no idea what I was talking about. Anyway. I feel like I taught them a Very Important Lesson about why we don't rip up flowers that don't belong to us. They must have really taken it to heart, too, because the next day all my crocuses had been yanked up and ground into the sidewalk. Which, yes, I feel is justifiable grounds for beating people with a shovel.

And then I had to write a nice letter to D*seret Book informing them that they might want to look into getting a printer who uses actual glue on the binding of their soft-cover books rather than low-grade elephant snot. Because I do not appreciate the part where the pages of these books keep falling out in chunks, forcing me to spend even more of the collections budget on additional copies of (frequently abysmal) LDS fiction. And no, they don't get a pass here. I pay just as much for that stuff as I do for real literature, so by crap I shouldn't have to deal with missing pages--even if some of the books are actually improved by the omissions.

See why I'm so tired?


Yankee Girl said... [reply]

Oh dear, I am so sorry. Would it make you feel better if I decided to let you have James McAvoy? Cause I did. Love you.

BEFore said... [reply]

It's sad how an "LDS" label on media so often means "crap that you wouldn't buy if it weren't somehow linked to your church".

I do, however, recommend one bit of "LDS" media -- the movie "Saints and Soldiers".

Kelly said... [reply]

Oh, so sad about your crocuses (crocii?).

Christie said... [reply]

Do you need to borrow my dog? She could jump on those neighbor kids but it would seem accidental. Unfortunately she doesn't poop on demand or you could leave a number on their lawn.

Maleen said... [reply]

I feel your pain. My 5 year old loves to pick other people's flowers. I can't stand it. And she looks at me and says, "But I pick them to give to you because I love you."
So we made a deal. I let her help me buy fresh flowers every week and in return she will be satisfied with those and not pick anyone else's flowers.
So far, so good. And I kinda like fresh flowers in the house all the time.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Thank you, I DO feel better, Yankee Girl!

Before, yes. YES to all of that. And I did very much like Saint and Soldiers.

Kelly, it WAS sad. It's a good thing some of those flowers were already on their way out . . .

Christie, I will keep you posted. That's an awesome offer.

Maleen, that sounds like an excellent compromise! Sadly, these kids were more like 8 or 9.

Frey said... [reply]

At least the flowers went for a good cause. Yeah, not sure they took the right lesson to heart. The shovel is probably your best option. Spare the shovel and spoil the neighbor kids they always say.

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Oh my. I am so sorry those nasty children killed your flowers.

Theric can't get published with Deseret Book because they told him that his writing does not appeal to their main demographic: middle age Mormon women with an eighth grade reading level. Which explains all the crap novels they put out.

miranda said... [reply]

Sorry about your flowers. Kids these days! Punks!

Anyway, sometimes, when I feel like I really want to just make some easy money, I consider writing some sort of "LDS fiction." A romance of course. It wouldn't take that long, and it wouldn't have to be very good...

Then my husband reminds me that he would be embarrassed if he had to tell people I wrote that.

Mona said... [reply]

I think the quality of writing directly correlates with the quality of binding glue.

Crappy writing results in crappy glue.

Eva said... [reply]

Nem, have you seen this?


Nemesis said... [reply]

Eva, I just . . . wow. There are no words.

BEFore said... [reply]

>>Eva said...
>>Nem, have you seen this?

LOL. Now THAT would make a good white-elephant gift. I'd feel bad about buying it though. Who wants to support THAT kind of culture.

coolmom said... [reply]

Do these little punks have parents? It's time to put your money where your mouth is, march over to their house, and tell their parents just what they have been up to. One of two things will happen, the kids will get punished and you can be smug at them from now on, or the parents will be idiots and deny thier children had anything to do with it, at which point you say that this is vandalism, you have witnesses and you have already contacted the police and he'll be contacting them in about an hour. If nothing else happens, they can fret for a couple of hours.

Desmama said... [reply]

I told you that you don't live in the best part of town. Flower killers and all sorts of punks prowl the streets.

Mad Hadder said... [reply]

I wish you'd have said the "spineless" books were ground into the sidewalk and the crocuses were glued back together. THAT would have been justice! Do you think Isaiah saw a vision of thousands of covenant people buying and reading dozens of thousands of poorly plotted and mediocrely written novels??? He like us surely must have shaken his head.

Ghan Family said... [reply]

Hi - I did a search for Cafe Rio recipes and google pulled up your site . . . from an entry all the way back in 2006. Anyways got to browsing and you're a funny and incredibly entertaining person!! I hope you don't mind me leaving a comment. We're up here in Logan too - glad it's finally Spring-ish! Take care :D

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

Le sigh. Don't even get me started on LDS fiction.

Spring-ish! That is the word of the day. I was snowed on for 2 1/2 miserable hours doing my Sunday papers today. Like the Sunday paper isn't already the world's biggest insult to Mother Nature.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

Why aren't YOU writing a book?

jeri said... [reply]

Did you ever read the 'Dilbert' book where Scott Adams has an actual letter from an employee at a book manufacturing place stating that the binding-glue is too strong and the sturdiness of the books is hurting their sales? Yeah. Apparently they discovered the solution. Elephant snot. Not even the first-press, good-quality kind.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Before, seriously. It's like you'd make the world a bit worse of a place . . .

Wow, Mom. Feisty. I don't actually know where these kids live--I'd never seen them before. They were just roaming around and happened to make a stop at my house. Lucky me.

Desmama, you make me laugh. Every time I hear a police siren on my street I think of you.

Mad Hadder? Word.

Ghan family, hello! It's always lovely to have new people visiting. It turns out that a large percentage of my new traffic comes from that Cafe Rio recipe, which I find pretty funny.

STM, the Ghans are right. Sprin-ish is the only word for this. Saturday was gorgeous, Sunday morning it was snowing. It's enough to make my head explode.

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