Clearly I missed the memo

There was one day last week wherein there must have been some sort of signal rising up from the library, Batman-beacon style, which telegraphed a message calling all crazies, drunks, over-tired children, and inattentive parents to the library.

"Tonight's the night! Come do your worst!"

This happens every now and then and we just deal with it in our various ways. My way involves locking myself in the janitor's closet with liquor. And also threatening to call the cops when a patron won't leave and wants to stand there defending his right to use the f-word to other patrons because if you look at the word's German origins it's really not that bad. I'm Day 1-ing it, dude. You do not want to dance with me, because nothing would give me more pleasure right now than to END YOU.

Anyway. Stuff like that happens. And I kill people and glory in the slaughter.

I don't think any of us, however, expected that night to find HUMAN POOP on the carpet in the children's section. Thankfully it was child-sized poop, although I suppose a perusal of this book could have helped us with identification. We found it in several different places, which was extra joyous. No one claimed responsibility. This was just after learning that an entire wall in the bathroom had been sprayed down with urine. It was all I could do not to stand up on a chair and bellow, "Which one of you let your child flipping CRAP ON THE FLOOR!!!" (Day 1, you remember. Not a safe time. For anyone.)

So, yeah. Apparently not only was it Bring on the Crazy Night, it was also National Library Defecation Day, and I didn't even realize it. If I had known, I could have put up a display or something.


Melissa said... [reply]

it's a full moon tomorrow... you've been warned (and apparently people are already taking this to heart!)

Maree said... [reply]

And to think I have always considered being a librarian the DREAM job for a read-a-holic such as myself! Beware the full moon! I'm in agreement with Melissa! Maybe you should call in sick.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

Eep! Should ever I find that in my library, someone will be ended. I just wouldn't be able to deal. Especially because I work in a library for grown-ups. Small children are rare sights.

Giggles said... [reply]

*soft gentle hugs, from a distance*

goddessdivine said... [reply]

Ok, you know society has reached a new low when people are letting their children leave presents like this for you. Dude.

So now you'll need to make signs:

"Please make sure your children do not leave feces on the premises."

"We would greatly appreciate it if you would urinate in the toilets, not on the walls. Have a nice day!"

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

I was going to ask if it was a fully moon. When I did my time in an inner city Houston middle school there was always some bad mojo that coincided with it.

If you buy THAT book on Amazon, the attendant recomendation is, "What is Your Poo Telling You." IT IS TELLING ME TO PUT THE PAMPERS ON A LITTLE BIT TIGHTER, BUCKO.

Sherry said... [reply]

I hope that somebody Googles National Library Defecation Day and comes across your blog. Please alert me if Analytics tells you that such a search has ocurred. (You do use Analytics, yes?)

daltongirl said... [reply]

So tempting to comment. I'm just afraid I wouldn't be able to stop.

AmiZOOKey said... [reply]

The urine damage is almost definitely done by BOYS - sadly, well experienced in this area as a mother of THREE boys. It's also something that they don't necessarily get a handle on even when they grow up...

nurse graham said... [reply]

Holy crap that stinks! I work in an elementary school and have, at times, found poop and other bodily fluids in places that they shouldn't be. I'm sorry it had to happen to you and your library.

MommyJ said... [reply]

SO, I totally expect things like this to happen at my house. But at a library? Who would have thought? My children are only ever taken to the library when heavily sedated, so I'm sure it wasn't my kids that made such a mess.

april said... [reply]

i still say go for the display!!!

(and yes, that was beyond gross!)

Jenny said... [reply]

I just love that this post is on your crap list.

Audra said... [reply]

You would think a job as a librarian would not include such things! When you signed up for this I am sure you did not put "poop monitor" on your resume! Let us know if any nice full moon things happen!

I have been a mom too long and not working with the public. Now that I am working with the public every now and then I see things and I want to scream, "You have got to be kidding me!"

Amy said... [reply]

This is one of the few things that did NOT happen to me while working in a public library. So far, we have had no human defecation in the academic library that i work in.

(Life by Candlelight)

Melissa said... [reply]

For the last two months, we've had full moon fever sufferers visiting our facility. I'm really unsure the reasoning for their behavior and why they feel it's acceptable.

emandtrev said... [reply]

So sorry. And seriously, who doesn't take responsibility for that stuff?! Or better yet, lets it happen in the library?!! (ick)

Cafe Johnsonia said... [reply]

I *swear* it wasn't my kids.

Jen, RN said... [reply]

Who knew that working in a library would require one to deal with so much human waste? I'm a nurse and i haven't had to deal with that much poop in one day :o)

Natalie said... [reply]

This is disturbing and riotously funny.

Also, one of the books not on your list is our recent purchase, "Who Pooped in the Park?" It's a classic! But, it's not about naughty, unsupervised kids under the jungle gym. It's about animals in Yellowstone. My oldest has taken to calling it "Who Dumped in the Woods?"

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...