In the words of Bridget . . .

. . . Am wanton sex goddess! Hurrah!

(Would like to clarify, though, for friends and family that am not actually participating in such behaviors.)

Turns out that being a substitute teacher in Sunday School last week did all kinds of good for me. The teacher of the other class didn't show up, so I had pretty much every guy in the ward held absolutely captive by the honeyed music that is my voice. Also, having the entire ward sitting there made me nervous, which caused me inject humor in the lesson as some adrenaline-fueled survival tactic. So now they all think I'm great fun, rather than what I actually am (a nervous idiot who jabbers away in an incomprehensible garble).

Point is, I'm now a dating machine. Here's what happened this weekend:

Guy #1 - Nice young man, victim of the stupid misunderstanding I posted about last week. We went hiking and to dinner and I had a really good time. He seems smart, funny, nice, quick-witted, all those good things. Am not totally sure that I get him yet, though. You know how with some people you can tell that they're thinking a whole bunch of things that they're not saying? And I don't know if, after the date, he wants to ask me out again.

Guy #2 - Set up by non-smug married friends who have good taste. He was tall, handsome, v. nice and patient w/small children, and I think we were both bored out of our minds by each other. It was so very difficult to make conversation! I don't know if we were both having off nights or what, but it was kind of painful. I felt like I'd been doped up on Vicodin. And as a PSA to everyone, if you go to Macey's to get a soft-serve cone and they tell you they don't have any chocolate dip available, just go without! Do not, under any circumstances, allow them to dip your cone in something called Black Raspberry. It will taste like an air freshener and you will hate everyone involved.

Guy #3 - Called me Sunday night and began with, "Um, are you dating anybody? Would it be okay if I asked you out?" I was confused, as I thought he was dating someone else quite seriously. So I asked and the poor guy spilled this whole story about how things just weren't progressing and she suggested that they take a break to date other people and see if they really want to be together, and he guesses sometimes that just happens but it's really hard and he's just hoping for the best and has that ever happened to me before? Basically, he's a fragile individual who has been told to date other people and called up the first girl whose name he knew. But hey, I get to go see the Utah Symphony up at Sundance next weekend!

Guy #4 (I know! 4!) - Introduced himself at church, complimented last week's lesson, and said that he think I should be a stand-up comedian. Ouch. Am now terrified that I may have spent the entire lesson making people laugh rather than inviting the Spirit to teach true principles. He invited my roommates and I to watch to the 4th of July parade w/his apartment, which include Guy #1. So I went, heaven help me, partly to have another chance to hang out w/G1 and see if there could be anything there. Jury's still out on that.


Miss Hass said... [reply]

Hey! It looks like you might get to use those bedroom eyes after all!

daltongirl said... [reply]

I like Guy #1, especially b/c he didn't freak out at your bizarre behavior last week. That's one in his favor.

I would also like to call your attention to people who make faces like they're thinking things, and then it turns out they're not. Bret, for example, had the look like, "I can't wait to get away from you and will never call you again if you're the last person on Earth," when in fact he was thinking, "The second I get home I'm going to email this chick and also I wonder how soon would be too soon to propose Etermal Marriage in the House of the Lord."

So Guy #1 may, in fact, be thinking along those lines. Who, who has ever dated you, would be insane NOT to think that way?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Oh! Excellent points, daltongirl. I remember those days of the vacant looks and Flow-bee'd hair. I could possibly like Guy #1 too, or at least I'm intrigued by him. Doesn't hurt that he has nice shoulders either. I'm such a sucker for shoulders. And sometimes I think my definition of nice just means "bigger than mine and attached to a man."

Cicada said... [reply]

Since I am using a pseudonym and absolutely no one---not ANYONE---knows who I am, I will leak one secret confession:

I always have wanted to be called as the Sunday School teacher because I have thought that it would be of great benefit to my social life because I'm a good teacher and entertaining and oh-so-spiritual and I would give candy so everyone would love me and all the men would want to marry me.

To my credit, after thinking all those thoughts, I always think, "And I will never be a Sunday School teacher if I have all these evil, evil thoughts and wrong, wrong motivations."

My point is, I don't actually think that stand-up comedy during Sunday School is a BAD thing, and if I were a man, I would want to date your trash.

Chris said... [reply]

Don't worry about the comedy routine/sunday school lesson.

I'm convinced the Big Man Upstairs has a sense of humor.

I mean, look at the duck-billed platapus.

I am hoping I got in on that part of the creation though >:)

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

Wow. Look at you. You're a date-a-holic.

Streets of Belfast said... [reply]

Long live Stephanie and Bridget!

Savvymom said... [reply]

I want to be a wanton sex goddess. Are there lessons that I can enroll in? Is it a class at BYU? I have a little extra financial aid left over since I'm only taking 6 credits next semester.

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