8.10.2005

Soapbox

There is an LDS wedding announcement on my fridge right now. (Okay, there are actually about 5 LDS wedding announcements, but I'm here to discuss one of them.)

I am happy to report that this announcement was sent to my roommate rather than to me, because if it were from my friends I would feel slightly conflicted about writing this post. I would get over it, though, because I must do my duty.

Enclosed in this wedding announcement were two small inserts. You may think these contained an invitation to the ceremony itself, or perhaps directions to the reception. You would be right-thinking but dead wrong.

One insert was pale blue, produced by Target's Club Wedd, and read What They Really Want.

The other was white with silver lettering from Crate & Barrel, and read If You Really Want to Know What They Really Really Want

It was their registry information.

I think we can safely assume that what this happy couple Really Really wants is a swift kick in the head.

I was horrified that two stores I like as much as Target and Crate & Barrel would validate and encourage people in such tacky and gimme-gimme behavior, so I went to Target's Club Wedd homepage. I found a Club Wedd Guide, produced in partnership with www.theknot.com, which sets forth all kind of registry guidelines, including a section entitled "Registry Etiquette."

Ahem.

How Do We Let Guests Know Where We’re Registered?
Q. My fiance and I recently registered at two department stores, and we're having a bit of a problem when it comes to letting guests know where we're registered. I'm not having a bridal shower, and I'm definitely not going to send registry cards in the invitations, so my question is: How do we let people know?
A. The only way to let people know is to tell them. It may seem impractical and frustrating—to wait for people to ask—but there it is. Just make sure your parents, wedding party, and other close friends and family know where you're registered, so that when people ask them they can let them know. People know to ask someone when they're ready to buy you a present. And remember that if people ask you where you're registered—or even what you would like as a gift—it's okay for you to tell them the names of the stores. It's not as if word can be spread only by those close for you. By and large, you shouldn't worry about it too much. People will ask and let others know.

I must assume, then, that those inserts were created to be used in bridal shower invitations, which would be appropriate, since, unlike a wedding, the point of a shower is gifts.

Friends, when people send you wedding invitations with registry information included, please don't make the mistake of thinking that they just don't know any better. They do. This rule is plastered all over every bridal publication ever created, generally with extra big headlines that read "You Will Be a Tacky White-Trash Money-Grubber If You Do This!!!" They're just choosing to ignore the rule, which is why I choose to ignore their registry information.

I have a separate list of gift ideas for those people. A few favorites:
  • crystal ashtrays
  • those wire baskets that you keep in the kitchen w/the straw and fake eggs
  • goose-themed kitchen towels
  • gift cards to stores where they aren't registered (if I'm too lazy to shop)
  • Precious Moments figurines
  • a used copy of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette

Feel free to add to the list--I'm always looking for more!

14 comments:

Savvymom said... [reply]

Presents to give people:

a toilet scrubber that has been artfully turned into a bird's nest with a fake bird in it for bathroom display

Stuff from the dollar store

Really large salad bowls. I hate those presents.

Thank you cards

There are more things that i am thinking of, but I might look like a big jerk if I post them.

Nemesis said... [reply]

You hate large salad bowls? I thought you put some of those to good use when you were sick!

Savvymom said... [reply]

how many pukers does one need?

The Craner Family said... [reply]

I am so glad you think that too! I was beginning to think I was a little off-base thinking they were being cheap and tacky because everyone seems to do it now-a-days. “You may have the privilege of coming to my wedding as long as you bring a gift for me..” Jason always gets mad at me for being so critical of people who put those in their invitations…but now I feel justified!

Nemesis said... [reply]

Emmasmom, I'm sure I shouldn't be so critical and spiteful, but that doesn't mean we're not right!

And I'm glad to have one more person I can vent about this to!

Chris said... [reply]

OOoooooooo goose-themed kitchen towels ....

Wait.. Are you saying that's a list for what people wouldn't want?!?!

I'd go with some paper plates..

White trash don't need no real plates.

Desmama said... [reply]

Savvy, Nemesis, and Emmasmom--You are all not alone. I was also raised to know--not believe--KNOW that is WAY tacky to send those out. Ah, it's nice to bask in the company of classy people.

Savvymom said... [reply]

I wonder what foreign countries think about this. Is it normal elsewhere to be cheap and tacky when getting married and inviting people to you wedding?

Also emmasmom, your husband is like the nicest person on the planet, so don't expect TOO much concern from him about this. He probably has never said anything bad about anyone, ever, has he?

DanaLee said... [reply]

Get them one of those dolly things that has a big hoop skirt meant to hide extra rolls of toilet paper or those hideous things that decorate your box of tissue paper. Really, is that awful to look at toilet paper and tissue?

Cicely said... [reply]

Thank you for clearing that up! I was actually just wondering what the etiquette was, since I see that so frequently these days. I always thought it was kinda tacky, but didn't know if it had gotten to the point where it was expected. I was just going to wait until the time actually came for me, and then ask a close friend who's had two daughters married and should know.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Thanks for commenting, Cicely! I think perhaps the only people who encourage this behavior are the vendors. They act like it's totally expected, probably on the hope that the happy couple won't bother to consult an actual etiquette source. :-)

Red said... [reply]

I think I'd be happy with just recieving lots & lots of money. I already have all that houseware crap. Why would I need more?

Cicely said... [reply]

oooh! Speaking of lots of money, I received an invitation that actual said "Financial donations are also appreciated". And that was PRINTED ON THE ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Can you believe that?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Gah! Gaaahh!! I think I may have had a seizure just now at my desk.

I hope you didn't send those tacky people anything!

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