Soapbox

There is an LDS wedding announcement on my fridge right now. (Okay, there are actually about 5 LDS wedding announcements, but I'm here to discuss one of them.)

I am happy to report that this announcement was sent to my roommate rather than to me, because if it were from my friends I would feel slightly conflicted about writing this post. I would get over it, though, because I must do my duty.

Enclosed in this wedding announcement were two small inserts. You may think these contained an invitation to the ceremony itself, or perhaps directions to the reception. You would be right-thinking but dead wrong.

One insert was pale blue, produced by Target's Club Wedd, and read What They Really Want.

The other was white with silver lettering from Crate & Barrel, and read If You Really Want to Know What They Really Really Want

It was their registry information.

I think we can safely assume that what this happy couple Really Really wants is a swift kick in the head.

I was horrified that two stores I like as much as Target and Crate & Barrel would validate and encourage people in such tacky and gimme-gimme behavior, so I went to Target's Club Wedd homepage. I found a Club Wedd Guide, produced in partnership with www.theknot.com, which sets forth all kind of registry guidelines, including a section entitled "Registry Etiquette."

Ahem.

How Do We Let Guests Know Where We’re Registered?

Q. My fiance and I recently registered at two department stores, and we're having a bit of a problem when it comes to letting guests know where we're registered. I'm not having a bridal shower, and I'm definitely not going to send registry cards in the invitations, so my question is: How do we let people know?

A. The only way to let people know is to tell them. It may seem impractical and frustrating—to wait for people to ask—but there it is. Just make sure your parents, wedding party, and other close friends and family know where you're registered, so that when people ask them they can let them know. People know to ask someone when they're ready to buy you a present. And remember that if people ask you where you're registered—or even what you would like as a gift—it's okay for you to tell them the names of the stores. It's not as if word can be spread only by those close for you. By and large, you shouldn't worry about it too much. People will ask and let others know.

I must assume, then, that those inserts were created to be used in bridal shower invitations, which would be appropriate, since, unlike a wedding, the point of a shower is gifts.

Friends, when people send you wedding invitations with registry information included, please don't make the mistake of thinking that they just don't know any better. They do. This rule is plastered all over every bridal publication ever created, generally with extra big headlines that read "You Will Be a Tacky White-Trash Money-Grubber If You Do This!!!" They're just choosing to ignore the rule, which is why I choose to ignore their registry information.

I have a separate list of gift ideas for those people. A few favorites:

• crystal ashtrays
• those wire baskets that you keep in the kitchen w/the straw and fake eggs
• goose-themed kitchen towels
• gift cards to stores where they aren't registered (if I'm too lazy to shop)
• Precious Moments figurines
• a used copy of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette

Feel free to add to the list--I'm always looking for more!