11.29.2005

I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.

Conversation that happened the other night at my house, just after Lady J's cat ran away in terror from WR, on account of she is scared of the menfolk.

Me: Sorry the cat's is scared of you.

WR: Enh, it doesn't bother me. (whispers) I'm actually allergic to cats!

Me: Oh, that's too bad. Like severely allergic?

WR: No, I just sneeze and stuff.

Me: Well, that's okay, because I'm not a huge cat fan anyw--Wait. What about dogs?

WR: Huh?

Me: Are you allergic to dogs?

WR: I dunno, does it matter?

Me: Answer the question!

WR: Well, I probably am if I'm allergic to cats, right? Doesn't it work that way?

Me: No. No, it doesn't work that way. You can be allergic to cats and not dogs. My sister is allergic to cats and not dogs. So I bet you're fine.

WR: Um . . . I'm getting the feeling here that you really like dogs.

Me: Of course I do, everyone does! Don't you?

(That's when he got quiet and started looking around the room, as if for something to distract me.)

Me: Don't you?

See, here's the thing. In my book there are two kinds of people:
1) Those who like dogs
2) Those who kill puppies and are without love or natural affections

Me: Oh my gosh you hate dogs!!!

WR: I don't hate dogs!

Me: But would you ever own a dog?

WR: (proceeds to make grimaces that involves his entire face and torso)

WR: Would I have to have a dog? I mean, they're just so loud, and hairy, and they're so much work! I just don't see what's so great about them.

Me: (gasp) I can't even believe I'm hearing this! You're British and you hate dogs??

WR: What, is this like a deal-breaker for you or something?

Me: I haven't decided yet!

WR: What if you had a robotic dog? A robotic dog could be quite nice.

Me: Don't even speak to me, you dog killer.

So after much prayer and fasting, I have decided not to let this be a deal-breaker. I mean, as awful as this is, I'm sure there are much, much worse things to discover about someone you're dating. Also, I think the reason WR doesn't like dogs is that he's never been friends with any. If he had, he would know.

There's time yet for that.

38 comments:

J Alfred said... [reply]

Legal disclaimer: When MN says "dealbreaker" she is referring to some kind of possible, undecided and future deal which remains entirely hypothetical.

Nemesis said... [reply]

WR--I think you're possibly avoiding the real issue here, which is the part where you're a puppy kiler. It's okay, though. People can change.

daltongirl said... [reply]

WR: I'm 100 percent on your side. And I'm not a puppy killer. Some people have no ability to see gray areas. Just because you don't want a dog does NOT make you one without natural affection, and I'm pretty sure Nem is fully aware of your ability to feel and show natural affection anyway. So her argument holds no water. None.

kristen said... [reply]

I like other people's dogs, but I would probably never own one. I'm on WR's side on this one: they're loud, they smell, and they are messy! I adore my sister's little Chitzu (sp?), but I'm not sure I could actually own a dog. It would probably tear up my house and that would just tick me off.

I do agree with you Nem on cats--I'm not a fan either.

Don't let this put a damper on the relationship. This is a trivial matter.

J Alfred said... [reply]

Yay -- MN's friends are on my side and not hers!

Dalton -- you have a dog as your picture. What irony!

Kristen -- Trivial?! :)

Jack said... [reply]

I just think it's interesting that you prefer the emotionally immature animal. See, if you yell at a dog, his ears will go down and his tail will cover his genitals even if he's done nothing wrong. It's very easy to break a dog. But cats make you work for their affection. Cats don't sell out like dogs do.

Anonymous said... [reply]

j alfred....you may have just possibly outed yourself as Nem's WR.

Panini said... [reply]

Nem, darling. Dogs are yucky and gross. Even though you're confused about that I still love you.

Savvymom said... [reply]

Dogs are great. Even babies know that!!!!

Panini said... [reply]

savvymom~ I saw E yesterday and he said you had a blog...but I can't link to it from your name/profile...where do we find you?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Oh my gosh you're ALL in on it!!!

At least I can count on my kin to support me. Thanks, savvymom. We get it.

Daltongirl, I'd forgotten about you and the dogs. And my arguments always hold water. Buckets and buckets of water, okay?

Kristen, thanks for at least agreeing with me that cats aren't worth much.

Cool! Robert De Niro reads my blog!!! I am so famous.

Anon--Yeah he did. Tsk tsk. Or, you know, possibly it was me. Or something.

Hey Panini--you can find Savvymom's blog on my sidebar, under "My Cool Brothers and Sisters." It's a really fun blog, so I'm sure you'll have a good time once you're done feeding puppies to that snake you keep in your classroom!!! hee hee hee

J Alfred said... [reply]

Anon -- Good point.

Or is it that you've just outed yourself as not having realised before?

J Alfred said... [reply]

Jack -- I hope that what you're saying doesn't imply something about me...?

Spitfire said... [reply]

Oh my gosh! I am absolutely mortified at the number of bloggers (whom I have held such respect for) who hate dogs! Is this even possible, or is it just a sick conspiracy you people have joined together on just to share a good laugh at MN's expense? I'll always stand proud as a dog lover.

Jack- Of course you have to work for a cats affection. And they keep you working, too, because they never actually resort to liking someone. They just free load as long as they can until the owner finally figures it out and drops it off somewhere for some other family to become victimized by. Why do you think there are so many strays?

On the other hand, maybe dogs only serve as good companions for those who need power and control, and can't trust other human beings. . .we could definately create a theory about this.

Panini said... [reply]

Hey! Cheap shot...I totally got rid of the snake and you know I never liked it! ;)

CoolMom said... [reply]

WOW!! I'm glad we had a dog at some point because otherwise I might have gone down in history as a terrible mother, or at least that would be another reason for it.

Actually, when cooldog goes that's the end of it. No more dog hair for us. She is the coolest dog ever, and even WR would love her because she would love him. She loves all of God's creatures, except cats. Maybe that's because cats aren't really one of God's creatures.

JB said... [reply]

I like cats.

Savvymom said... [reply]

I hate cats. There is this black stray cat the size of a cougar that lurks around our yard and tries to eat other cats and pretty Robins.

DS said... [reply]

You two could just get a fish or something instead. That is, if someday your situation requires you to reside under the same roof.

Which is entirely undecided and hypothetical, of course.

jaime said... [reply]

Well, I have to side with Miss Nemesis on this one. :) I honestly love dogs, preferably small dogs that cuddle up next to you and love you unconditionally. I love our family dog! I also strongly dislike cats. They are always digging in our courtyard back home and going to the bathroom. Also, they always climb all over our freshly washed cars, leaving their dirty pawprints. Makes me mad just to think about it! I also dislike them for the allergy/asthma problems they induce. But, I would never wish bad things for any animal.

Interesting situation you have there, Nem! :) What's a girl to do?

JB said... [reply]

Glad to see you participate in the after-blog discussion on this one, WR. Good on yer!

Also, I love cats, but I also love dogs. Especially little dogs, like my mom's Yorkie... They're so sweet and endearing. :) The big ones are kinda gross and overbearing. Maybe you guys could compromise and get a little dog...should you ever have a reason TO compromise on this, of course.

daltongirl said... [reply]

j. "WR" alfred: Christmas gift for Nem--one of those tiny little bald dogs she can carry around in her purse like Bruiser Woods. Then when you get sick of it, you can just close up the purse. And she's happy, because you have validated her need to dominate something. Other than you.

And yes, my photo is ironic. I love pictures of dogs. Or dog figurines. Dogs are adorable. That is, any dog that isn't actually alive and sniffing my crotch.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Spitfire, thanks for standing with me against the wrong-thinkers. You're a good sister!

I know you hated that snake, Pan. I couldn't resist, though!

Coolmom, I think we both know that your current dog, while adorable and loving and all, can't actually compare to Cooldog 1.0.

JB, we can still be friends. (I actually don't hate cats, I just prefer dogs.)

Hmm. I've heard of cats like that, Savvymom. They're called panthers.

Well hello there, ds! I'm so glad you commented! Thanks for your suggestion, but I am so done with the fishies.

Hah. Jaime supports me.

JB, your idea of compromise is a good one, but I have another confession to make here: I don't actually love the little dogs. I mean, I can see why people do, but they've just never been my thing. I like the kind of dog that can drag toddlers out of burning buildings. Because then I could write about it and send it in to the Reader's Digest and they could feature me and my Wonder Dog and then we would probably become rich off the dogfood endorsements.

Daltongirl, you are gonna get it from me. I do not need to dominate. So shut up and stop saying I do!!!

Cicada said... [reply]

Bwahahahaha! Of course I'm siding with you on this one, Nem.

Savvymom said... [reply]

Did Dad tell you I called it a panther the other day? I was talking on the phone with him the first time I saw it and screamed "there's a panther in the yard!" Then everyone laughed at me.

photogenic said... [reply]

I hate little dogs (with the exception of puppies.) Anything as big/bigger than a cocker spaniel is a dog I can respect. And I like cats.

Hairless dogs give me the heebie-jeebies.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

I agree that dogs are the way to go; I, however, see such a benefit to small dogs.
1.)Smaller stains on your carpet when you're trying to housebreak them.
2.)Life without the fear of being smothered when they jump into bed with you.
3.)Higher cute and cuddlable quotient.

metamorphose said... [reply]

www.mastiffonline.com

It's the place to dream. But dream only because they crap bigger than my head, and drool. A lot.

Good luck with that one Nem! And as further proof, I am also allergic to cats...but not dogs.

Nemesis said... [reply]

You are wise beyond your years, Cici.

SM--No, Dad didn't say anything. This was the first I heard of the killer cat. Just goes to show that great minds think alike! Or that blood is thicker than water. Or something.

Photogenic, I think you're right with the "kind of dog you can respect" comment. I mean really, no one takes a toy poodle seriously. It might as well be a hamster.

Miss Devine, I would never argue with you. I hope one day our respective dogs can be friends, and that mine doesn't accidentally step on yours. :-)

Dang, meta! Yeah, mastiffs are big. At the St. Patrick's Day parade in SLC last year they had a bunch of Irish Wolfhounds, and I could not stop staring at them. Those suckers are HUGE!

redlaw said... [reply]

Oh Nem,
I have to admit, I likes me the cats a wee bit more than the dogs...however, i am not a puppy killer...and WR doesn't strike me as a puppy-killing type either. In fact, I have to say, I quite heartily approve of WR - and I know you've all just been waiting for that approval with bated breath. So breathe easy cuz Redlaw gives her blessing to any "possible, undecided, and future deal[s]which remain entirely hypothetical."
Gosh, you have to love the way boys trip over themselves to committ...

CoolMom said... [reply]

You know, a friend of mine has a long haired chihuahua and it's actually an amazing dog. She looks like the bat from Anastasia (the animated version) and you can NEVER have your mouth open near her or her tongue will wind up inside it. But she's a very fun little dog. She begs beautifully.

Streets of Belfast said... [reply]

Spitfire, I loved your comment: "On the other hand, maybe dogs only serve as good companions for those who need power and control, and can't trust other human beings. . .we could definately create a theory about this."

A lot of the men in Belfast own these really huge ugly dogs and everytime I see them I can't help but think that a theory needs to be developed. Maybe something along the lines of lack of economic and political power leads men to buy really big dogs in an attempt to retain some ammount of power--public power as the dogs are constantly being walked in public. We would need to tie this need of dominance in with something about not being able to trust other human beings as that is also a general symptom in Belfast right now.

Rachel said... [reply]

I heartily agree with coolmom's advocation (is that really a word?) of the Chihuahua. Being the proud mother of two Chihuahuas (though shorthaired, not long), I can tell you that they are the sweetest, smartest little stinkers you can ever hope to come across.

PS Death to cats. Unless you like being used for food and shelter and then treated indifferently. If I wanted that, I'd go find a boyfriend.

redlaw said... [reply]

Rachel,
I'll pretend I didn't read your comment about cats....

Spitfire said... [reply]

Streets, thank you for sharing your observations and offering further support for a much needed theory. Perhaps we should do a joint research proposal to ensure our future status as Very Smart and Influential Millionaires (or, I mean, "theorists").

What an uproar we could cause!

Kelly said... [reply]

Oh, Nemesis, please let me still be your bff. I don't really want a dog. I mean, sure, a beagle will turn me into a pile of mushy goo, and I enjoy other people's dogs a lot. But I grew up with cats. I like all animals really, but cats are super low-maintenance and in my jet-setting lifestyle, that's what I need. And despite the common perception, I find that cats are not naturally aloof. It's usually the way they've been brought up by their people that makes them that way. My cats were always cuddly with me and the boy's cat loves to be held and swung about and will purr ALL THE TIME because he loves people SO MUCH.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Redlaw, thanks for the vote of confidence in my dating choices! I've made some flubs in the past (which is what happens when your sense of perspective gets all skewed by years and years and yearrrrrs of Singlehood) so the opinions of right-thinking people are always valued!

Coolmom, that Anastasia bat story is the nastiest thing I've ever heard. My lips are buzzing (and not in the good way) just thinking about it.

That's a good idea, Streets. You should mention dogs when you write your thesis, I think.

Rachel, I saw your site and your two dogs are adorable. Also hee on the bf comment.

Kelly, no worries. We're still BFFs. If I have to make confessions here, there is actually a cat curled up next to my radiator right now. And sometimes, when she lets me, I pet her to listen to her purr.

Unmanagable said... [reply]

Hey Nemmy. If you had joined the Army with me instead of going to England, then Unlce Sam would be flying you home for free ...but then of course, the other three hundred and thirty some days would totally suck.
I will say this, I dont need to peek at my presents because i can guess what they all are without having to. And how did I develop this tanlent you might ask? By peeking and all my gifts as a kid of course. And then by peeking at everyone elses too, including yours. Dont hate. I blame it all on my environment.
So, I caught up on your blog today and it took about an hour and a half. It was nice to see a picture of WR. Last time one of my sisters had a boyfiend I never new what he looked until SM had married him. Which is just bizarre.
To catch up to the present,
1. If only cats tasted better than they could serve some purpose, alas.
2. I was thinking about getting Coolmom a shotgun for Christmas. I guess she got pretty attatched to mine when it took up residence under her bed for a while, and it would tie up the food starage.(remember that all you malicious, predatory, evil people who want to rob me mom)
3. I want to see a mummy! That is so COOL!
4. What other american things do you crave, besides Jiff?
5. I will miss you terribly this Christmas season, along with the rest of the tribe. But you most because like everyone knows- you are the favorite.

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