The Tesco who Stole Thanksgiving
I don't even trust myself to tell this story, because it is so very sad. Please, send the children out of the room and grab some tissues. You'll need them.
I must preface by explaining my unreasonable love for pumpkin pie. Every Thanksgiving I eat it--hot, cold, with a fork, like a pizza, whatever. I usually consume an average of 2 pies during the holiday season, which is why my Christmas presents consist of money to buy new pants.
One of the lovely American YSAs is throwing a Thanksgiving dinner at her house this week. I offered to make pies and my cheeseball. Because hey, everything is better with the cheeseball. I knew I would have to buy real pumpkins because they don't do the nice big cans of Libby's over here, but I was prepared for that. I figured that a pie made with fresh pumpkin would taste better and might help convince the Philistines over here that they should really get on the pumpkin pie train.
Only today I went to the largest supermarket they have in England, even Tesco, the great and abominable superstore that is singlehandedly destroying all the local producers, and was faced with a horrible shock--one which really should have occured to me earlier.
There are no pumpkins anymore.
I mean, it makes sense. Once Halloween is over, why would they keep carrying them? Only they should have THOUGHT about the part where Americans live here and we need our pie!!! So now there will be no pumpkin pie, and Thanksgiving is ruined. Also they probably don't have the real kind of frozen apple pie either, so I'll end up having to bring tarts or something twee and unAmerican like that. I think I'm going to go home now and eat the cheeseball with a large spoon, or possibly my finger. Then I'm going to lie down on the couch and sob, thinking of how my mom went to Costco yesterday and bought a pumpkin pie the size of a tire for $5.99 and how I'm not going to have any of it.
I'll check the other shops in town, but I know very well that nothing can be done. My life is a perfect graveyard of buried hopes.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
23 comments:
Sniffle. They would be really heavy to send, so you probably had better not trouble yourself . . .
I loathe pumpkin pie. Except one time I made it with a fresh pumpkin, and it was very delicious. I guess you didn't want to know that.
You need to focus on the positive--like on all the great cheese you have available to you. Last night I had a three-cheese grilled cheese sandwich with Wensleydale, Muenster, and cheddar. It was marvelous. You could maybe have that for Thanksgiving.
That's true. I do have a block of Irish cheddar in my fridge. I think I'll go home and eat it like an ice cream bar or something.
And thanks for telling me about the pie. You have comforted me marvelous much.
That is horrible. I can't imagine Thanksgiving without that pie...it's my favorite too.
I love pumpkin anything! In fact, I'm going over to my friend's house in just a few minutes to make a pumpkin cake roll...the kind with yummy cream cheese frosting. Anyway, I digress, and I am not helping things.
Nem, I am sooo sorry that you will miss out on pumpkin pie this year. But, I do think it is a good idea to focus on the wonderful things you have there that we can't possibly get here...like yummy chocolate! Happy Thanksgiving, Nemesis!
P.S. I love the quote from Anne of Green Gables. :)
Honey, I'm so sorry.
**
But at least you have an English lad whose shoulder you can cry on.
Anne of Green Gables, hurrah!
Let Savvymom send you some pumpkin. You deserve it!
And I'm with Miss Hass. Never underestimate the consoling power of boys with hot accents.
I can't say that pumpkin is my favorite pie. But, like eggnog, it supplies an integral part of holiday festivizing. A part that I only want to taste once or twice.
I am sorry.
In case you were wondering what they did with all the pumpkins.
*Update!* *Update!* *Update!*
The hysterically funny and talented Redlaw is coming to London next weekend and she is going to bring me the cans of Libby's! So the world is good again! And I get to meet her!! In London!
This day is wonderful.
Panini, thank you for understanding. You too, Jaime. And yay on you for getting the Anne of Green Gables quote! Now can anyone tell me which other movie is quoted . . . ?
Hass, you are true. I'd best go arrange summa that.
Points for Kelly! (Cried to the tune of "Votes for Women!")
Limon, thank you for your thoughts. And I'm with you on the egg nog front. I like it as a seasonal beverage, but I have to put a whole lotta skim milk in there before I can actually drink it.
Dp, thanks for the article. At least they're starting to recognize . . .
.
Since you'll be getting your pie after all, I feel okay in saying that I think I'll go pick up one of those Costco pies....
Glad to hear you're going to get your pie! I was really worried for a minute there.
Do you get to have sweet potatoes? That's what Thanksgiving is all about for me... [Homer voice]Mmmm...sweet potatoes...[/Homer voice]
Grumbeer, you don't not celebrate American holidays in England, you OVER celebrate them. For example, the year before last, my roommates and I had a barbeque, dressed up in red, white, and blue, and hung an American flag over our balcony-thing for the 4th of July.
I saw one (well a few) in Waitrose last weekend, do they have a waitrose store near you?
I can hardly bear to imagine how you must be feeling, I wonder if there is anything else we could offer, a Christmas Pudding perhaps?
Didn't read to the end of the comments, glad you are saved!
Goodness, I am a celebrity!!!
I saved Thanksgiving - take that, Charlie Brown!
I even have my own link in a comment - that's a first for me...hold on, I'm tearing up...
*sniff, sniff*
Okay, all better now.
Just remember, this is what I do - fly around the world and save holidays everywhere. Remember this for when you are in an exotic locale and you need someone to help you out of a pickle - I'm there!! (as long as you pay for airfare)
PS - For my Thanksgiving as a missionary in Paris, I made the most kick-a** stuffing out of french baguettes - wow, it was good - wish my family could have seen it.
I'm depressed that I didn't get the Anne of Green Gables quote. I mean, I knew that it was familiar. *sigh* I normally quote, "I am in the depths of despair."
And I couldn't figure out where your other quote was. I'm slipping.
To make you feel better, I will not eat a single slice of pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. But, then again, I never do. :)
p.s. Unfair that you're meeting Redlaw. :(
Alas, I can't help like Redlaw. Apparently she will be the champion and I will be your non-pumpkin-nor-anything-else goat yet again.
I can save you from your eggnog woes however. I have a recipe that will not kill you like a mound of milky sugar brought to life:
1 qt milk (that's just under a liter, Brits.)
1 egg.
1/4 cup sugar.
1 drop or 2 of vanilla extract
1 pinch of eggnog.
Step 1: VERY IMPORTANT!: wash the egg shell with soap and hot water.
Step 2: Break the egg into a blender basin with all the other ingredients and frappe it into next week.
(Step 3: ok OK! I am not exactly sure how much sugar, so at this point you taste it and adjust the sugar as needed.)
This recipe is every bit as good as store-boughten egg nog, but it is not so very sweet.
**Serve immediately because it has raw eggs in it. If you can't handle raw eggs, there's always the butterbeer...
DG---What? You had a grilled cheese with three types of cheeses?? Clearly you don't live in my house. It would have been stolen out of your very mouth before you had the chance to eat it. Not that I'm bitter.
And I will ever be singing Redlaw's praises. To Redlaw: "You are very good."
Oh, Goodness, people!! Now I'm blushing!!!
*blushing* (just in case you missed it above)
Aw shucks, what can I say?
I'm like the Thanksgiving Fairy - does this mean I get an ugly costume with turkey feathers? maybe I should hold out and be the Christmas Fairy...
I got the Anne quote and have no idea what the other one is - though the first paragraph sounds like it could have come straight out of a Lemony Snicket book.
I'm glad thanksgiving is saved, though if it hadn't been you could have spent the holiday being thankful all over again for all the pies you ate in previous years. :)
Whoo-hoo! I knew redlaw would save the day!
MMMmmmm...eggnog...I bet you'll be having one of the best darn Thanksgivings ever, Miss Nemesis.
Jealous.
Grumbeer, I'm in Jessica's camp on this one. USA All the Way, baby!
Th., you are now allowed to have the pie from Costco. Just please think of me. And if Lady S wants to make the cheeseball I'll send the recipe.
True point, e. True point. ;-)
Thanks for your sympathy, Julie! I've never had Christmas pudding, but that's one of the things I'm excited to try this year!
Redlaw, my stomach is about to eat itself from the thought of the baguette stuffing. Mmm . . . stuffing.
April, I thank you for your selfless gesture of solidarity. :-) And the other quote was kind of obscure, but it's from P&P if that helps.
Thanks for the recipe, stupid! Did you mean a pinch of nutmeg?
Cicada, I had to go home and make myself a grilled-cheese sandwich with Irish cheddar after I read DG's comment. It was very good.
Chosh, thanks for the "cup is half full" reminder. I'm glad that I can just have things my way, though. It's easier on everyone!
Meta, you can come and visit anytime! You would make anything a party, I bet.
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