So I'm out of the will now, apparently

Savvymom just informed me that, because of my last blog post, I am now dead to both my parents.

I am dead to my mother because when one of the lovely people who were nice enough to comment drew a comparison to her mother and mine, I did not immediately rush to clarify things. And so I inadvertently let the Internet have the idea for 24 hours that my mother is not "into" hair and makeup. Only I've put a picture of her up here where everyone can see how pretty she is, and I told a story about how she used to get perms in Germany during the Cold War.

Only Savvymom says that my mother is not speaking to me and that now Savvymom gets the china. And I couldn't immediately say that she was full of rubbish because I realized that I haven't actually heard from my mom in the last little while. So I'd better remedy this or face missing out on the Wedgewood.

Facts about my mother:

  • My mom is beautiful. She would be beautiful without makeup.
  • Only she does wear makeup, which she applies very tastefully.
  • She cares very much about encouraging others to wear makeup, both in her official capacity as a Mary Kay representative, and also in her unofficial capacity of One Who Must Make Sure that Nemesis Wears Makeup, Especially the Pink Kind. When I fly home I would never dream of getting off the airplane without 1) a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, and 2) a full face of makeup. Otherwise I would probably get left in the terminal with all the display cases of stuffed grizzly bears and polar bears and record-breaking halibut.
  • My mother has lovely blond hair.
  • My mother gets highlights, and is all hip with the highlights and the product and buys much nicer hair products than I do and knows how to use all of them.
  • My guy friends think my mom is hot.
  • So do my girl friends.
  • If I look anything like her when I am a grandma, I will be thrilled.
  • I honestly don't remember her offering to take me to a salon back during the Pink Skunk incident. But she probably did, and I probably turned her down because I was too cheap to pay for it.
  • She sent me a Valentine's Day package because she loves me and is the best mom in the world. And I really needed the chocolate today.
  • I'm sorry, Mom.

Now, on to my dad, who has also expressed displeasure with my words:

  • My dad did turn down the thermostat to 62 degrees every night. In Alaska. I had to sleep in sweatsuits. When we complained, he said, "You don't need heat. You're asleep."
  • I have been the bane of absolutely all my roommates' existences, because I constantly turned down the heat, sometimes after they had gone to sleep. When they complained, I said, "Maybe if you were dressed, you wouldn't be cold."
  • Isn't imitation supposed to be the greatest form of flattery?

Can I please be back in the will now? I said I was sorry.


Cicada said... [reply]

I think your mom's hot. Definitely. And my dad turned down the heat i the house at night, too. You truly have good parents.

Miss Hass said... [reply]

In my defense, I was ALWAYS dressed. I'm cold-blooded. Besides, I generally haggled over heat with a certain lady of the Steed variety.

PS--I love your mom. Especially because she always used to ask about me. Hi momma Nemesis!

Th. said... [reply]


I'm interested in your unsupported argument that your family make for better company than record-breaking halibut. Could you explain your position?

The Walrus said... [reply]

Your Mum is Definitely hot.
And what is wrong with turning the heating off at night? That's what your body does!

Nemesis said... [reply]

Cici, I know I do. I'm a lucky girl.

Miss Hass, I just got worse as time went on. Ask anyone. And my mom still asks about you. All I have to do is mention your name and she goes, "Ohh . . . I really like [Miss Hass]. How is she?"

Sure, th. My position is simple: The halibut does not laugh at my jokes, does not put me in the guest room with the Egyptian cotton sheets, and does not have a dog. So there you have it.

Thanks, John! It's always great to hear that British men think one is hot!

daltongirl said... [reply]

Wow. That was a nice bit of what I like to call "brown nosing." But because I love you, I will help you defend your position.

I love your mom because she is funny and because she took me to Toucano's one time. Also, she is very pretty.

I love your dad too, but I won't bring up why, because that might open another can of worms.

Stupidramblings said... [reply]

Wow. Would you mind writing a recommendation like that for me? I need it for my resume...

kristen said... [reply]

I've met your mom a couple of times. She looks like she could be your sister--very youthful!

My mom is actually the thermostat Nazi--we call her the human heater. Our house was always cold, in the winter AND summer.

My dad would just get after us for leaving the front door open when it's 110 outside. He'd throw dollar bills in the garbage and tell us that is what we are doing: wasting money because the A/C was going right out the door. We still laugh about it.

I myself crank down the heat at night. I can't sleep if it's too warm.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

Yes. Yes, it was cold. In your defense, however, I would like to add that you did compensate with nurturing through warm blankets of the down variety.

Absent-minded Secretary said... [reply]

Oh, Nemesis, please apologize to your parents for me!

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Rachel said... [reply]

Kristen, I've gotta know--did you go back later and get your dad's dollar bills from the garbage to spend on candy?

As for the thermostat debate, now that I'm paying for heat my house is a crisp 60 degrees while I sleep. And I don't notice a thing.

I sure hope you get back in the will soon!

kristen said... [reply]

Rachel-heck yeah we'd go after the dollar bills. My dad thought he was teaching us a lesson. We saw it as free money for us. (We were good kids though and got better about shutting the front door)

redlaw said... [reply]

If your parents do disown you, I would make a charming sister and then you could enjoy my family....er....well, dysfuctional is the new functional....

You're probably best with your family - they seem like wonderful, FORGIVING people

JB said... [reply]

Ah, Mary Kay. That explains the pink-obsession thing.

CoolMom said... [reply]

Okay, Stop, stop, STOP!!!

This is someone's fault for repeating me when I was getting sick and obviously not speaking rationally. Now I am better and it's no big deal. Although I may print this one and put it in my journal to read later on when I am not feeling well again.

April said... [reply]

My grandpa turns down the heat at night, too. I don't miss the heat until I wake up shivering in the mornings.

And your mom is beautiful.

Savvymom said... [reply]

Mom, I told you I was going to tell her. You wanted this. Don't even blame me for this. PLease.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Daltongirl, some skeletons are just better left in the closet.

Sure thing, stupid. I'm working on a list now: "His wife is very talented and beautiful" . . .

Kristen, that thermostat thing is awesome. I am so going to do that instead of my original plan, which involved starvation and tasers.

I'm so sorry, sweet Miss A. And you're still welcome to my down comforter any time you need it! Only I can't actually mail it to you, so you'll have to come over to use it.

No worries, ABS, I thought your stories were hilariously cringe-inducing. And I love your little icon.

Rachel, I think I'm slowly coming back into their good graces. But keep praying for me!

Redlaw, you are a sweetie and a half for offering, but I think I'll stick with mine for now. But I've got your number!

Jessica, yes. Yes it does.

Aw, April, thanks for saying that. See Mom? You should print out the comments for your journal too!

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