Conversation with my mom

When I got back from Gran Canaria (yeah, I go there) my mom called to get the full report on how it was. We chatted for a bit and she laughed really hard when I talked about the ghetto hotel and the topless ladies and just how much personal maintenance I would have to undergo before I could even think about appearing on the beach nearly nekkid like that. (She did suggest, however, that I not share those details with the Internet. A smart one, my mom.)

You should know, here, that both my parents grew up in Virginia next to the beach and are absolute sun-worshippers. My mother was smart and responsible and put loads of sunscreen on us when we were kids, though. Living in Alaska (a dark, barren wasteland where even vampires start to miss the sun) has just increased their devotion to sweet sweet sunlight and its burning rays of love.

Mom: (eagerly) So, are you all tanned now?

Me: No, not really.

Mom: What? But you were there for a week!

Me: Yeah, but I used a lot of sunscreen.

Mom: [Nemesis]!

She said this in exactly the same tone she would have used had I suddenly dropped the f-bomb.

Me: What! I didn't want to burn!

Mom: Do you burn?

Me: Uh, yeah. A lot. I just burn and get freckles, and that's pretty much it.

Mom: Oh . . . that's right, I guess your sister gets freckles like that too, but I didn't realize you did.

Me: Yep. That's why I'm so white and am in the #2 highest risk category for skin cancer.

Mom: Wow, I had no idea . . . gosh. Well, at least you have other qualities. You might still get married someday.

Then she laughed herself silly, on account of she's funny.

We then determined that even though I do not tan, I am smart. And you can fake a tan but you can't fake smart. Or something.


Grumbee said... [reply]

That's so funny that your parents worship the sun because mine worship the moon! I wonder if they pass each other in the hall as the services change in the United Order of Celestial Bodies Church.

But, whereas I with with WR yesterday, I'm with ya today-us pasty whites and non-moisturizers need to stick together.

Kristeee said... [reply]

I love how you managed to get a pic of you on the beach without any naked ladies in the background! Good job, picture taker!

In other news, I saw this article yesterday and it reminded me of you and your take on British bachelor parties; evidently the UK is going to stop bailing them out abroad

PS - beware the door-to-door breast exam guy! http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/12409277/

Nemesis said... [reply]

True dat, Grumby.

And Oh. My. Gosh. Kristee, I just read the story about the door-to-door breast-exam guy and I cannot even believe that there are at least two women that stupid out there, even in Florida. And yes, we had to wait for the right moment to get a boob-free shot. :-)

kristen said... [reply]

So, is your mom's qualification for marriage a good tan? I'm not trying to bash your mom (she's a lovely lady).....but did you want to throw your phone at her?

I can attest that having a suntan does NOT get one married. I too worship the sun, and at the age of 30 find myself without a mate. (perhaps if I go to that topless beach......). I'm sure I'll die of skin cancer.....alone.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

Nem, I wish you were around last weekend when I got into a discussion with some friends about the sun and protecting yourself, if only your face, from sun damage. Me and Heather T were all alone in our thoughts. We really needed you on our side that day.

It was interesting to see a bunch of women in their 20s and 30s complaining about wrinkles and aging and then refusing to wear sunscreen.

The Walrus said... [reply]

Did no-one tell you freckles are beautiful? What do they teach people in the states, eh? pfft

Nemesis said... [reply]

Well, Kristen, it will be a comfort to know that if you DO die of skin cancer at the age of 30, your parents could maybe make a nice luggage set out of you. :-) And my mom was just kidding. If she weren't this post would have read a lot differently.

Chuh, my sister. Some people's children . . .

And thank you, Walrus! I must confess that WR likes the freckles as well, so yay for UK men having good dermatological taste.

Cicada said... [reply]

I'm disappointed that there are no boob shots.

Also, if I were a man, I am sure I'd take into account the fact that you're in the #2 high risk group for skin cancer and then cross you off my potential spouse list. That's all I'm saying.

Squirrel Boy said... [reply]

Crap. Apparently I'm also in the #2 high risk group for cancer (or maybe #3 or something; I tan slightly and don't freckle that much). I hope this doesn't have any ramifications for my marriage.

photogenic said... [reply]

Cicada's crossing off of spousal list comment reminds me of my mother's boyfriend in college who flipped out when he found out that she wore contacts. Apparently he wanted children with perfect eyesight. She dumped him, went on a date with my dad that night and was engaged 13 days later. Right before the contact man came back with roses and apologies.

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