Sweet, I've been tagged!

Miss Hass tagged me, which is funny because I just had a Sunday afternoon nap dream about her. I was trying to get out to California to meet up with Miss Hass and AA and Lady Steed, only I had to catch a ferry to get there, somehow. The people in charge told me I had to jump off a bridge and then once I was in the water the ferry would pick me up. And then they pushed me off the huge very-high-up bridge. Luckily I didn't die, and the ferry did fish me out. I made my water-logged way up to where Miss Hass sat playing with her iPod. And some people snickered because I was dripping wet. Jerks. But then we went to San Francisco and shopped like the fabulous young people we are, so it ended up being a good dream.

What is your salad dressing of choice? Tomatillo Ranch Dressing from Cafe Rio. I would drink that stuff.

What is your favorite fast food restaurant? Ugh, two years on the road put me off fast food. As did Fast Food Nation and Supersize Me. But right now I could go for In-N-Out.

On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant? 15% if the service was meh, 20% otherwise. If it's really crappy then they get no tip and a strongly-worded letter. And I get them fired. And burn their house down.

What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick of? Any food that Ioan Gruffudd chooses to feed me. In bed.

Name three foods you detest above all others. I'm not that picky, but I absolutely hate Squash (the English drink). I can deal with almost anything else.

What is your favorite dish to order in a Chinese restaurant? Crispy aromatic duck, which I hardly ever do because it's expensive.

What are your pizza toppings of choice? Marinated mushrooms, pepperoni, mascarpone cheese

What do you like to put on your toast? Brie, or my mom's homemade jam. Or both.

What is your favorite type of gum? I don't chew gum, much like I don't chew my cud.

What is your wallpaper on your computer? The Windows XP wallpaper with the yellow tulips, on account of I lost all my good stuff when I had to restore factory settings to my piece of monkey crap laptop last week. It gave me the bluescreen error TWICE the next day, mind you. So I've extended the warranty and added some accidental damage protection for when I drop-kick the thing out the window.

What is your screensaver on your computer? Don't ask. You've seen how upset I get.

Are there naked pictures saved on your computer? Wouldn't you like to know.

What kitchen appliance do you use the most? The microwave, sadly. I will probably grow a third arm or give birth to a flippered child.

Have you ever had anything removed from your body? Two moles and several teeth

Do you prefer to read when you go to the bathroom? Always. Right now Cold Comfort Farm is the bathroom book of choice.

When was the last time you had a cavity? Chuh. Probably the last time I went to the dentist. Jerks.

What is the heaviest item you lift regularly? My stupid computer. I'm training for when I throw it off an overpass.

Have you ever been knocked unconscious? No, but I nearly passed out when they were sawing my moles off. I'm a wuss.

If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die? Only if it were going to happen in the next 5 years. I have some riotous living to get out of the way first.

How do you express your artistic side? Interpretive dance about the life of mountain goats

What color do you think you look best in? Pink, according to my mother

How long do you think you could last in a medium security prison? Depends. Could I beat up my cell-mate?

If we weren't bound by society's conventions, do you have a relative you would make a pass at? Have you met my relatives? No way.

Have you ever saved someone's life? No, but I've considered ending some people's.

Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000? Hmmm . . . how public?

Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100? Only if it was Cicada.

Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000? Nope. They're already freakishly short and useless, but I do use them.

Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000? Definitely. I have no problem being naked underneath a nice big fluffy bathrobe.

Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000? How big a bottle are we talking about here?

Would you shave your head and get your entire body waxed for $5,000? Heck yes. Consider, we women already pay people do that sort of thing to us.

Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000? Show me where to sign up, baby.

Would you never blog again for $50,000? Sure. I would use the money to buy my own website where I tell funny stories. It wouldn't be a blog, though.


CoolMom said... [reply]

You might want to re-think the body waxing. I'm just sayin'.

kristen said... [reply]

I had an In-and-Out burger yesterday. Oh--my--gosh!! YUMMY. Although their fries suck. We need to bring this establishment to Utah.
So it looks like you're willing to do quite a few things for cash. Are you that hard up?

amyjane said... [reply]

Mmmmm...I live down the street from In-N-Out. It's interesting though that the appeal lessens when you live by it. Probably a good thing, healthwise, though.

TannerJ5 said... [reply]

Well, In-n-out is great, but you have to order the fries animal style.Regular fries, smothered in thousand Island dressing, cheese and loads of grilled onions.Say heart attack.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

Your blog brightened my day today. Couldn't stop laughing.

Also, glad to see we're still book bathroom buddies.

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

love the post. I am also very happy to see the progress your birthday list is making.

blackjazz said... [reply]

I didn't get this post at all. Is it just me being thick?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Mom, I've always wanted to look like a grub. Now's my chance!

Yeah, Kristen, I admire the principle of the In-N-Out fries because they're made with real potato and everything, but I never order them.

Amyjane, I'm sure you're right. A double-double every day would not be good. I used to have to limit my In-N-Out rations when I visited CA. Now, of course, this seems like a stupid idea to me.

Oh my GOSH, Tanner! I didn't know you could do the fries animal style! That's awesome.

We'll be bathroom book buddies forever, DMA. I'll never forget leaving Bridget Jones in there and subsequently corrupting you. :-)

I know, Jen, aren't you proud? I've even started thinking about next year! And Christmas! This must be kind of what it's like to be you!

Nice car, blackjazz! :-) Post like this are for when I'm lazy. Bloggers get these quizzes, fill them out, and then "tag" a few of their blog friends to fill them out as well. My friend Miss Hass did the quiz and then tagged me over at her blog. I didn't have anything pressing to write about, so I figured I'd do the quiz instead.

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