Because normal is too much to ask

So I went to my new ward on Sunday. Brief points of interest:

At one point during a lesson while mentioning someone who grew up on a farm, the girl teaching said, "Now, I'm sure most of us here grew up on farms." I refrained from bringing out an "Excuse me?" accompanied by the Eyebrow of Death.

I felt a bit overdressed because I wasn't wearing fleece. Asked my sister Spitfire if that's just a Logan thing and she shook her head sorrowfully. "No," she whispered, "That's just your ward. Your ward is kind of the homely one."

And now the longer point of interest:

When I walked in the building there was a short blond guy in front of me who proceeded to turn around and stare and my roommate and me several times, while walking. I wondered if he was looking for someone or if he was just stunned by our beauty. After all, I was pretty much working it with the red skirt and the Love Goddess hair. Then he ended up in a seat close to me for one class and I kept seeing him turn to stare our way. Tried not to assume that he was staring at me, because I didn't want to be conceited. He eventually introduced himself and seemed normal, but later we passed my sister Spitfire in the hall.

Me: Oh, that's my sister, by the way.

Guy: Oh, [Spitfire]?

Me: Yeah, you know her?

Guy: uh . . . just a little bit.


Me: So . . . how do you guys know each other?

Guy: I . . . uh . . . ran into her on campus once . . .

Then he kind of didn't talk to me anymore. I thought it was weird that he recognized her and knew her name if he'd only met her once, but then later had a mind flash:

He's short.

My sister is 4'11. He probably asked her out. She probably turned him down. She's kind of a heart-breaker that way. Embarrassing. No wonder he didn't want to say how he knew her. And no wonder he didn't want to talk to me anymore.

So that night SF came over and I asked if she knew a short, blond guy named *****.

SF: "Do you mean the short blond guy who's been stalking me for 5 years?"


Turns out her freshman year this guy would sit in the library and watch her while she studied. And it's pretty much gone on since then and their paths keep crossing every year. She says he would come up to her and stand a foot away from her while she talked to other people. He would change seats, sometimes from one end of the room to the other, so he could sit behind her and watch her. He has never spoken to her.

When I told her he introduced himself to me she was all pleased. "Wow, good for him! Oh, wait, or that means he likes you enough to actually talk to you, which is bad. Best of luck with that."

And people thought I wouldn't be able to meet anyone in Logan. I guess I sure showed them!


Jér said... [reply]

I really enjoyed this post. It made me realize that there are worse things than being surrounded by Salt Lakers: I could be stuck in the midst of Loganites. Homely Loganites. In fleece.

I've decided not to admit to the fact that I recognized myself a tiny bit in that diminutive, blond stalker, because doing so would forever taint me with indelible skeeve. In the midst of this non-disclosure, I'd like to point out that if I had ever stalked anyone, it would never have gone on for five years. Because that would be CROSSING THE LINE.

Sarita said... [reply]

Pet peeve: When in lessons, blanket assumptions are made about the audience....."I'm sure we all know about this obscure scripture in the New Testament...."

Other: The girl who bore her testimony about spending new years with her friend in Vegas. And how church was great. Informing us that, although it's surprising, the church is ACTUALLY quite strong there.

Yes, I know, hard to believe seeing as how Vegas is a whole 7 hours from SLC, and oh, the valley was settled by LDS pioneers.

Have fun in your new fleece wardrobe!

kristen said... [reply]

step 1: identify stalker

step 2: get a restraining order

Best of luck with that.

Scully said... [reply]

Here is a third option with the stalker: He thought you were an in, that somehow talking to you would get him an audience with his stalkee. How do I know this? Because my roommate Parker is a 5'9" bona fide model who has a constant rotation of stalkers. And who do they talk to? Me. Good luck with that!

foodie said... [reply]

You know I am a good source of fleece clothing by the way! I can hook ya up real cheap like!

Keep an eye on that stalker boy. Make sure he doesn't start telling you of these "revelations" he has had about the two of you while being in the temple!

Anonymous said... [reply]

I'm the blond guy. My psychy is damaged beyond repair, life isn't worth living,I'm never coming back to church. Farewell cruel world...

Azúcar said... [reply]

I kind of feel bad for the shy guys. He's her Charlie Brown and she's the red-haired girl! Not that that makes it any less weird for the two of you...

The McCulloch Family said... [reply]

Anon, there is nothing anti-depressants and a good therapist can't fix!

ChrisH said... [reply]

The farm comment made me laugh. The girl I dated from Logan had roommates that were pretty much all marrying dairy farmers.

As for the short little blond dude. I have to admit that when there is a bonnie lass that has caught my eye, I've been known to not know how to act..

Just not several years of not knowing how to act ;)

Nemesis said... [reply]

Jer, no way would you have stalked anyone for 5 years. I hope. :-) And yeah, you're about as cosmopolitan as it gets for UT.

Sarita? Word. And thanks for the well wishes. I'm going to hold out on the fleece for a bit and see how it goes, I think.
Kristen, thanks.

I know, Scully. That's why I can't ever go out with him. Because what if we get married and then it turns out that he only married me so that he could stare at my sister during family events?

Seriously, Foodie.

Oops. Sorry, blond guy. My apologies. But if I ever find you outside my bedroom window I'm calling the cops. Just a heads ups.

Azucar, I know. I mean, it's a funny story to tell but I do feel bad for the guy and hope that things work out for him--just not for him and me. Together.

Hee hee, my sister.

Chrish (or is it Chris?), I'm sure you're being too modest.

chosha said... [reply]

FIVE YEARS?! And she has never just said something to the guy about it? Wow.

Panini said... [reply]

what'd I tell you about the wards--weirdos

Wodin said... [reply]

Oh my goodness. This post reminded me of an avalanche of memories of a certain stalker-y guy.

I was 18 or 19, and this guy was baptized into the ward about my same age. He was nice enough, but just a little... off. So he asked me out. Okay, he wasn't my cup of tea, but I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. So we saw a movie, and he breathed through his mouth--loudly--through the whole thing. This isn't stalkery. I know. I'll get there.

He asked me out again, and we went bowling. It was... bowling. When he asked me to a party later, I told him I wasn't interested. He continued to call me and ask me to do things. But he creeped me out, so I would always turn him down.

Then he started doing this thing at church where he would get there really early and sit somewhere in the middle. When I came in, he wouldn't talk to me, but would wait for me to sit down and then sit in the pew immediately behind me and slightly to the left or right, so that if I just barely turned my head I could see him. In Sunday school he would do the same thing. He would constantly be in my line of sight and constantly trying to make eye contact but not talk to me.

The final straw was when my parents invited the missionaries over for dinner one night and one of the elders told me, "You know, Boy X is really interested in getting married. He told us he was thinking about you."

And that did it. I was thoroughly skeeved out. Luckily, I moved away to go to school shortly afterward, and I haven't really seen him since then. Until I heard from a friend that he dated a girl who looked a lot like me (when you squinted). And that was even creepier.

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