Not sure I'm convinced
It is good to be reminded occasionally that the good ones are not, in fact, all taken. Thanks, for the link, Chantel!
Otherwise I'd be tempted to slit my wrists sometimes. Saturday night was one of those times. My sister Spitfire's (male) friend got together a group to attend USU's "Poetry and a Beverage" Night. Turns out this is where large groups of people go and kind of listen to performers but mostly play games at their table while flirting and drinking hot chocolate.
I drank hot chocolate but can't say I got any flirting in, on account of nearly everyone who turned up was already married. Now, I would never go so far as to say that a seat occupied by a married person is a seat wasted, except I kind of just did say it. Woops.
Before all my married friends rise up and kill me, please let me say that I love you and I love spending time with you. I like meeting nice/funny/interesting folks, be they married or single. But when I'm going to an event looking to meet people, that is actually my SuperSecret Code for "meet single people." Single guys, to be exact. And while your husbands may be fabulous, they are of absolutely no use to me in such a situation. Nor would you wish them to be.
And I realize that the marrieds can't be home swinging from chandeliers all the time and they deserve a night out with fun people just as much as anyone. I do, really. It's just that here's what happened:
I'm pretty sure there were about 7 handsome, witty, nice single men who were going to come to Poetryandabeverage. Only then the married people took their spots and they didn't come. This left me with the 8th man, who:
1. Is writing a book about women and dating. His only words to describe it were "hilarious" and "really hilarious." I remain unconvinced.
2. Absolutely had to bring up sex every time he spoke.
(Note: I am not referring to my sister's friend, who seemed very nice and normal. But I wasn't sitting anywhere near him.)
I find it depressing to note that the best conversations I had that night were with the married guys. They were nice and funny and asked me about myself. Best of all, they refrained from shouting out the words of "erectile dysfunction" at random moments during the evening.
Does anyone else find this fair?
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
23 comments:
<sigh> If only all the good ones weren't straight and/or taken . . .
Okay, you do have a point. Not that I can find the straight ones, mind you . . .
My deal is, not that I dont love and adore my married friends, but who needs more of the them? While you are single at least? Unless of course you are looking to be set up with even more of their OTHER single friends that are perfect for you since they are, after all, single.
It's never, "You have so much in common! Like sense of humor! Compatible personalities, intellect, etc!". More like, "Hey, he's single and I think he's taller than you."
Haha! Sorry to laugh at your bad time last night, but where to you find these people!?
My mom always said that men are like parking spaces: the good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped. Only then she got married again and stopped being so bitter. The funny part is, he has a handicapped sticker on his car (not that I can tell he needs it).
*Sniff* Where is the love, woman?
Also, it works in reverse too, you know. The only difference as a married mama is that I'm trolling parks and church for other moms to hang out with. And all I seem to find are 19 year old child brides who think I'm the oldest first time mom they've ever met. I met this really cool girl in the hall at church and after chatting for awhile and praying her kids would be running up soon so we could set up playdates discovered that she was just waiting to meet with the bishop of the singles ward. The thing is, she was the coolest, most interesting, potential real friend person I'd met here and she probably has no time to be wasting on married folk either.
I'm just reiterating my veiw that the base issues never go away. They just...shift a little. Instead of searching for husband material, I search for mom-friends.
Nonethless, I am sorry your night was crap. Again. I'll start praying for your brawny construction boy to show up soon.
There's a "Citrus and Sage" thing you might like--I think it's coming up this Thursday. Lit folks get together and do readings of their work . . . I haven't been, but it sounds interesting. We should go together sometime.
only, not this Thursday ;)
Big fat EW! on the uncouth 'novelist' and sorry about the lack of opportunities. Sarita, I think people have a slot machine of all the single people they know and when they meet a new one, they just pull the lever and whatever match comes up, they run with it. A lady in my parent's ward wanted to set me up with a 48 year-old man with 5 daughters, simply because we were both single. Hello? And my aunt called yesterday to ok a set up with someone in her ward. Her first description of him was "He is really nice, but you have to get over his high, effeminate voice." How is that a selling point?
Who does he think he is writing a book? Also, sorry that all sucks. I stuck your name, photo and intrests up on this mail order bride website. You should be getting some phone calls any day.
Mom, are you asking me about Bob the Builder? Because that has actually never been a thing. Ever.
You didn't even comment about my comment. I am going to have to start sticking your personal info elsewhere, I guess. I was thinking about making some flyers and sticking them on the BYU boards in the electronics section.
The funny thing is...since I've been reading your blog, I ALWAYS think about this guy I know who is perfect for you. I dont know if you're open to "set up" dates or not. ;) Anyways I'm in your parents ward and know Jenny (well...kind of! I met her online and then in person when her family visited this summer in AK)
I went to Utah State and attended a couple poetryandabevereages myself. Never met a guy..or had one really talk to me for that matter. Not even about sex. Hmm.
Laura, you're seriously in my parents' ward? Because I was in that ward too, for the end of September and all of October. Did we really never meet? That's lame.
And I'm actually okay with setups--I just hold the setter-upper personally responsible if they foist me off on a psychopath.
Mom, I am not being touchy. As you yourself admit, I have never had anything going with B the B. So why would I know anything about his whereabouts? Try Ed.
Also?
GOOOOOSH!!
I met this guy the other day that's perfect for you. I can't wait to introduce you to him. He's tall, HOT, intelligent, good sense of humor, and gainfully employed. The down sides are, not LDS, not likely to ever become LDS, mid-thirties, single father. But did I mention he's hot? So don't say I never made an effort on your behalf. If you turn him down it's your own fault you're single.
And thanks for noticing, coolmom. The legislature is currently in session, so that makes me too busy to blog. Too bad. There are lots of good stories to be told.
Wow I'm late, but I guess I'll share my 2 cents. I think all the good ones ARE taken.
And the thing I hate about hanging out with married folk is that they have to 'check in' with their significant other and/or make sure they can do something with you, or they only have x amount of time to do something because their spouse 'needs' them. What's that about?
Kristen, I know what you mean. I've usually seen that come into play when they have kids, which makes sense. When there are no kids, yeah, don't ask me.
I agree with Hannah - where DO you find these guys? I'm sorry you are having a hard time. Stop looking and he will find you. (at least, that has been the situation with what I have seen)
A seat occupied by a married person is so a seat wasted! Even dating couples should only be allowed in small quantities. Unless they are exceptionally fun to hang out with - it would have been a shame not to have you and WR around even if you were dating. But you somehow seemed to escape the selective-blindness-syndrome so common among young lovers...
I tend to think there are some good ones out there. ;)
It's really interesting to watch someone you know make the transition from single to married. And by "interesting," of course I mean "freaky and disturbing." Because pod people are supposed to be fictional, yo.
sarita: your married friends have other single friends? Lucky you. :)
Actually my closest married friends once did try and set me up with a guy who was possibly the only straight, single guy they knew. Disaster. I really do think the entire basis of their thinking that we should hook up was that we were both single. Sometimes I want to ask, "is that why you guys got together?" It isn't, but it would make the point.
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