Why I should never have liked this guy

1. He was a lousy tipper. I asked him out on a group thing my senior year at BYU. We went to TGI Fridays for dessert and the service was not great. Even though I was the one paying, he started bossing me about how I shouldn't leave a tip at all. Only here's my rational: If you skip the tip but don't explain why, the server will just assume that you suck. However, if you leave a low tip, then they will know that you do, in fact, understand about tipping as a principle, and that their performance did not merit a sizable gratuity. Or they might just think you're cheap. The best thing is to suck it up and tell the server what you're not happy with and give them a chance to fix it before you stiff them. If you're not willing to speak up, then it's not really fair to take it out of their tip.

I put forth my theory and he completely disagreed with me. Reason #2 why I should never have liked him: He vocally disagreed with my right-thinking ways.

3. Because I know Amyjane (my then-roommate) is just dancing in place over this one and yelling it at the computer screen, fine. He had no neck. His head just seem propped on his shoulders like a pumpkin. Or gourd. Or tuber of some kind. This bothered her immensely and she could not believe I would ever go for a neckless man. I believed that ours was a higher love and one not bound by the world's neck-obsessed conventions.

4. He was opinionated, argumentative and always thought he was right. At the time I found that kind of hot. I now realize that it was obnoxious, and that he couldn't possibly have always been right. (See #2)

5. He was from Texas. I'm not sure how Texas influences this, but quite possibly it does.

5. He came over and hung out at my apartment every night during reading days and finals week my last semester. Because he was there, I did not study. On the last night before he left for the summer, I put on makeup, including lipstick, mind you, during finals week, in anticipation of his arrival. So he comes over, I'm expecting a soulful goodbye, and all of a sudden he begins waxing lyrical about some girl in our apartment complex who is possibly his soul mate. And how her name is Mary and she reminds him of the Virgin Mary because there's something so pure and holy about her and it's possibly the Holy Spirit telling him that they're Meant to Be. I could not even wrap my head around that, and for days afterwards I would blurt out, "The VIRGIN MARY??? What the CRAP!?! Is he on DRUGS?" And Amyjane would shrug her shoulders and say, "Hey, I told you. He Has. No. Neck." Because of him, I have a C on my BYU transcript.

I should have knocked that pumpkin head of his right off his shoulders for that one. And if I'd been anywhere near him when he later told a mutual friend that we had "dated" then I would have done it. Maybe in Texas they call that dating--in my world we have other names for it.