Why I should never have liked this guy

1. He was a lousy tipper. I asked him out on a group thing my senior year at BYU. We went to TGI Fridays for dessert and the service was not great. Even though I was the one paying, he started bossing me about how I shouldn't leave a tip at all. Only here's my rational: If you skip the tip but don't explain why, the server will just assume that you suck. However, if you leave a low tip, then they will know that you do, in fact, understand about tipping as a principle, and that their performance did not merit a sizable gratuity. Or they might just think you're cheap. The best thing is to suck it up and tell the server what you're not happy with and give them a chance to fix it before you stiff them. If you're not willing to speak up, then it's not really fair to take it out of their tip.

I put forth my theory and he completely disagreed with me. Reason #2 why I should never have liked him: He vocally disagreed with my right-thinking ways.

3. Because I know Amyjane (my then-roommate) is just dancing in place over this one and yelling it at the computer screen, fine. He had no neck. His head just seem propped on his shoulders like a pumpkin. Or gourd. Or tuber of some kind. This bothered her immensely and she could not believe I would ever go for a neckless man. I believed that ours was a higher love and one not bound by the world's neck-obsessed conventions.

4. He was opinionated, argumentative and always thought he was right. At the time I found that kind of hot. I now realize that it was obnoxious, and that he couldn't possibly have always been right. (See #2)

5. He was from Texas. I'm not sure how Texas influences this, but quite possibly it does.

5. He came over and hung out at my apartment every night during reading days and finals week my last semester. Because he was there, I did not study. On the last night before he left for the summer, I put on makeup, including lipstick, mind you, during finals week, in anticipation of his arrival. So he comes over, I'm expecting a soulful goodbye, and all of a sudden he begins waxing lyrical about some girl in our apartment complex who is possibly his soul mate. And how her name is Mary and she reminds him of the Virgin Mary because there's something so pure and holy about her and it's possibly the Holy Spirit telling him that they're Meant to Be. I could not even wrap my head around that, and for days afterwards I would blurt out, "The VIRGIN MARY??? What the CRAP!?! Is he on DRUGS?" And Amyjane would shrug her shoulders and say, "Hey, I told you. He Has. No. Neck." Because of him, I have a C on my BYU transcript.

I should have knocked that pumpkin head of his right off his shoulders for that one. And if I'd been anywhere near him when he later told a mutual friend that we had "dated" then I would have done it. Maybe in Texas they call that dating--in my world we have other names for it.


Anonymous said... [reply]

In defense of Texas the state is very large and culturally diverse. Some of us Texans were raised to treat women as the Ladies they are.

Scully said... [reply]

I agree with anonymous, Texas is not a factor, unless he used it as an excuse like our illustrious President. And it is always a good bet to judge men by how they treat wait-staff.

Tusk said... [reply]

Nemesis, doesn't this make you wish you had someone like Captain Wentworth living nearby, rather than neckless hicks?
By the way, you missed Persuasion, which was on TV last night. It was brilliant, and reduced me to tears.
The *good* news is that they're showing it on PBS in November (or so I am informed)

CoolMom said... [reply]

Who was this guy? A "C"? I don't think I ever knew that? Huh? Email me his name, cause I don't remember this one. You should always listen to Amy. Or DG.

Nemesis said... [reply]

I am glad, anon. I would hate for him to spoil the whole state. Although he was very, very proud of being from Texas.

Yep, couldn't agree more on the wait-staff thing. There were just so many red flags right there from the beginning.

Yes, Tusk. I would love me some Captain Wentworth. And are you serious about there being a new Persuasion? Yipee! I absolutely love the one with Ciaran Hinds. Can't wait to see the new one. I am grateful to you for sending your UK movies my way.

Mom, I don't know if I ever told you about this one because we never technically dated--except in his warped retroactive memory.

Jenny said... [reply]

Dude. What a freak. I can't believe I don't remember him. Was this the guy who wore windpants who you made out with?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Dude. He's not the ONLY freak. I never made out with this guy because we never dated. And don't make me bring up your husband's running pants.

amyjane said... [reply]

HE DIDN'T HAVE A NECK!!! At all. I love that you have come around to my way of thinking. I'd totally forgotten about the Virgin Mary part and almost wet myself laughing over it again.

amyjane said... [reply]

I can't even breath now! I hadn't read the comments and, oh, the windpants. And the memories. Must go laugh myself silly now. Thanks!

Spitfire said... [reply]




Jenny said... [reply]

My husband wears hideous tapered running pants when it's cold out, everyone. I was going to throw them away only then I found out how much they retail for and so we're stuck with them.

kristen said... [reply]

I have a few C's on my BYU transcript. I was an idiot my freshman year; and sophomore year.

I have yet to meet anyone from Texas that isn't proud (some are more so than others, but still).

Jimmy said... [reply]

Hmmm...my brother has no neck...not sure if he is from Texas though. We might be related somehow!

The good thing about this situation is that he's not your husband!

CoolMom said... [reply]

Texans have nothing on Alaskans in the "pride" dept, since I think Alaska is like three times bigger than Texas.

Nem, remember the nice Alaskan guy who commented on your driving in the Mapco parking lot when you were in high school? A fine specimen.

Th. said... [reply]


Of course Texas figures into it.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I can't believe I don't remember this guy. I never knew you were practically engaged to a neckless man!! Why did I not know this???

I feel hurt. Betrayed.

I have no Cs on my BYU transcript. You should be ashamed. Maybe my success is related to the fact that I went to the U.

April said... [reply]

How dare he be so disagreeable when he had no neck? And the Virgin Mary? What an idiot. Aren't you glad you never made out with him??

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...