8.21.2007

Hip Hop Abs

The other day I was flipping channels and came across an infomercial for an exercise DVD called Hip Hop Abs. I only kept watching because Usher's "Yeah" was playing in the background and my neck started doing this twitchy thing than in other, more coordinated people might resemble The Dance. Also, I was finishing off a carton of Ben & Jerry's Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream at the time. I find there's nothing quite so gratifying as eating ice cream while watching other people perspire. I should probably never be assigned a chain gang.

The abs I could see on the TV were quite admirable, but I'm sure they didn't get those things just by dancing. Making a pact with the devil, more like, and sacrificing babies at each phase of the moon. Anyway, the commercial promised that if you don't lose 3 inches off your waist in 6 days then you could send the DVDs back for a full refund. Are they serious? Three inches in 6 days? How can they even promise something so completely outlandish and subjective? Why don't they just promise that 3 men will propose to me in 6 days?

I've decided that my abs are just fine, wherever they are down there under that layer of tummy fat. Because you know? Maybe they just feel safer and more comfortable and insulated down there. It's not my place to ruin that.

10 comments:

Miss Hass said... [reply]

The only thing that even comes close is eating VERY good cheese while watching other people suffer.

Scully said... [reply]

I think I have seen that infomercial, and I'm pretty sure I was eating chocolate when I saw it. It IS gratifying. And tummy fat will ensure your survival should you find yourself alone in the wilderness. You will out live everyone with six-packs. Unless of course they decide to eat you first and you can't out run them.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Hass, you are right. Good cheese makes pretty much everything better.

Scully, that's a true point. I guess if one of the 6-pack people had a broken leg then I could for sure outlive them. That'll be the first thing I take care of if I ever get stranded in the wilderness with people fitter than I.

Fraggle said... [reply]

Nem, will you marry me?

Come on fellas, we can't let that comment pass! ;-)

Azúcar said... [reply]

I was going to try and trim my tummy fat but I realized it's the end of August.

Winter is right around the corner. I need to conserve to make it through the rough days that lie ahead of us.

Anonymous said... [reply]

Az, amen and amen!!

coolmom

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

While nursing the baby at 6am, I also caught informercials for Bare Minerals (You know, the make up lady with the big teeth) and the Tobi (which is a steam cleaning device, not a personal trainer). I love infomercials. For just four easy payments of 19.95 I can have rock hard abs, gorgeous skin and wrinkle free clothes . . . or my money back. Hm . . . why don't these products sell in stores?

Tusk said... [reply]

Nem, will you marry me?
It'd have to be more romantic and regency-like if you want to be taken seriously! ;)

I think anyone wanting to ask that question should leave it til the night before Nem's 30th.

BEFore said... [reply]

Pshh. You just need to get the Ab-Abber 2000

Nemesis said... [reply]

Hee! Strongbad is pretty much always the perfect suggestion, I feel. Thanks before!

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