Pretty sure I need this

It's a new shirt over at Threadless, and it is my new favorite thing.

Nice, huh?

I probably owe you all an apology. I've been pretty distracted lately on account of work stuff. Which I know is amazingly lame of me since it's not like I'm being a cool spy or anything who gets to wear all the different outfits and wigs and then make out with Michael Vartan. (Or am I . . . ) It's like when Sydney Bristow would be all whining about her masters program and I'd yell "Shut UP already! Where is Vaughn? Why isn't Vaughn here now and speaking the French and making me shake the windowpanes with my squeals???" As I'm sure you did, too.

All I'm actually doing is running a library and being a lone reed. And even though there are stories there that would have you writing your congressional representatives, I can't actually tell them if I want to keep this job. But I can say that I'm working on making this place amazing beyond belief and that it feels really, really good. And I've let the City know that I'm interested in the actual Real director position in the hopes of moving that many notches higher on the Intimidating To Young Mormon Men scale. (Least intimidating: dental assistants, high-school students, and coma patients. Most intimidating: lawyers, doctors, and feminist goddesses of doooooom.)

So here's what I've been working on for the last few weeks:

Setting up free wireless access so that the glassy-eyed Runescape-addicted 11-year-old boys can now bring in their own computers and play until their eyes dry out and their fingers fall off.

Installing free, open-source timers on the public computers so that the computer starts doing the kicking off for me and I can just sit at my desk with my feet up and laugh evilly when people get automatically logged off after an hour. Because I like to bottle the tears of children and use them in secret midnight ceremonies.

Starting a new storytelling program. Because I've really, really missed the storytime rush, what with the screaming, the negligence and subsequent perv bait, the vandalism . . . [sigh] . . . all good times.

Making friends with the other library directors in the area, who are actually a pretty cool bunch.

Revolutionizing the acquisitions process by introducing a little thing I like to call record keeping. It's an amazing thing. I can now staunchly recommend it.

Buying fabulous, fabulous things for the collection, and ignoring the very existence of items like Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole's Death. Books like this, to me, are the literary version of rubbernecking. And just because it's on the Times Bestseller list one week doesn't mean it'll be on there two weeks later (and it wasn't).

Compiling all the yearly stats and writing a 3-year plan for the library's future, which . . . wow. Because I was really getting bored before, you know, with all the free time. So finding out about this all of a sudden was pretty much the same as getting Ioan for my birthday (in Righteous, Noble, Slave-freeing and France-Defeating mode rather than Stretchy, Jessica-Alba-Pretend-Liking mode or even Drugged, Accidentally-Marrying-Wrong-Blond-Person-in-Mexico mode) for my birthday.

I need a vacation.


Saxon said... [reply]

so how many of our books have you ordered in for your library?

Saxon said... [reply]

Because I like to bottle the tears of children and use them in secret midnight ceremonies.
I'm guessing this has something to do with the evil masterplan to take over the world?

introducing a little thing I like to call record keeping. It's an amazing thing. I can now staunchly recommend it.
I've found it works really well in our office now too.

I need a vacation.
Don't we all.

chosha said... [reply]

Don't reject all the fluff. Like all good gateway drugs, it may lead to (them reading) the harder stuff. ;) Still it must be so cool to see something awesome and know you can just approve it...just like that. *click*

Miss Hass said... [reply]

Yes, you certainly do need a vacation. Maybe that t-shirt will help?

Anonymous said... [reply]

I would go out with a femminist goddess of doom in a heartbeat. So bring on the intimidation.

Jenny said... [reply]

So are you saying you're not going to buy Lance Bass's new tell all about the band and Britney etc? Man!! So sad!

I'm glad you told them you are interested in the position.

April said... [reply]

Oh, how I wish that we had those timers on our computers to kick off the Runescapers, the making-a-living-by-answering-online-surveys people, the unwashed and smelly, the I-just-got-an-email-saying-my-heir-died-and-I'm-a-millionaire! morons, and the I'm-going-to-continue-printing-whether-I-can-pay-for-the-copies-or-not jerks.

Nemesis said... [reply]

April, it's just a free program that another librarian emailed me. You want it?

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

Nancy Drew was my marijuana.

Does the tee shirt come with a stamp?

RC Cola! said... [reply]


miranda said... [reply]

i'd change "mormon boys" to "utah mormon boys."

my husband is a new york mormon, and he married me, even though many of the utah boys called me (not kidding - guys in our old ward) a b****.

i've found that it's mainly the utah boys that seem to get intimidated by strong women. do you know how many people have asked my husband if he's embarrassed that i'm a politically opinionated woman who happens to also be the breadwinner?

kristen said... [reply]

You're feeling the power, aren't ya'?

Nothing wrong with a little intimidation. If the boys around here can't handle it, then they're not worth it. (I think I'm pretty much screwed in that department). Hmmm.....maybe we should top it all off by getting PhD's.....

Anth said... [reply]

Because I like to bottle the tears of children and use them in secret midnight ceremonies.
Can I shamelessly steal this quote and use it on my friend's 9-year-old? Because I think she would love it. I love it.

Wifi? Your library is cool. Long ago (okay only 10 years ago), when I worked as a peon at the library back in my hometown, we had to use ancient computers with black screens and amber characters. Then I moved to Portland, OR, and I was like, "Dude! Self check-out!!!" I have a horrible suspicion my hometown library is still using those awful monitors. I'm too scared to check any time I visit my parents.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Steal away, Anth! :-)
And can I just say how envious I am of your crafty skills? Because I am.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

PS I color coded my books last night. Oh, yeah, it is my new favorite.

Jimmy said... [reply]

Not fair when life keeps us too busy to allow for any slacking (aka blogging).

I'm so with you on the Anna Nicole book. Another waste of valuable trees.

Good luck with everything.

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