10.10.2007

This will likely be anticlimactic

My most recent date was not my worst blind date, (I've already told that story) but it was still special. And it's one more story I'll be trotting out the next time someone accuses me of Not Making an Effort. I'll also be trotting out a taser, because who even walks up to a middle-aged spinster librarian and tells them they're just being too picky? That's when I think a good idea would be to look at the speaker's spouse, raise The Eyebrow, and say, "Clearly that wasn't your problem."

A little while back I decided to drive down to Provo to spend time with the Preciouses. And their parents, I suppose. When Jen's friend heard I was coming she said that she needed to set me up with a guy who works in the same lab as her husband. All she could tell me about him is that he's cute, smart, and nice. Which . . . okay, that's a good start. Of course, there's also the works in a lab part, which I kind of smoothed over in my mind as we spinster women occasionally do when it's either that or start downloading application forms for adopting unwanted Korean infants. So I said okay, gave her my number, and said that if he wanted to get together for a couple of hours that would be cool.

I got a call as I was heading home from work to pack for the weekend. The important part of the conversation went a-like so:

Blind Date: "So, do you like karaoke?"

Me: "Um, I don't actually know. I can't say that I've really . . . done much karaoke."

On account of I'm normal and not drunk in a pub somewhere.

BD: "Really? You've never tried it?"

Me: "Nope." (see above) "Why, was that . . . one of your ideas for tonight?"

BD: "Yeah, there's this place I go to pretty much every week, it's great."

Getting worse and worse, while I tried to decide if I could really let myself in for an evening of sitting in a crowded (or worse, uncrowded) place watching my Science Boy date croon Lady in Red while I convulsed with embarrassment. Which could then only get worse if I were convinced to get up there and take the microphone myself. On account of I like to think I have this low, well-modulated voice, only I actually don't. It's high and brittle and when I sing it sounds like an old lady with pneumonia is trying to claw her way out of my sinuses.

Me: "Okay, see . . . here's the thing. I am not a very confident singer. And I think in order for me to get up in front of a group of people and sing like that I would probably need to be with people I know really well, and not someone that I haven't actually met before. Or I would need to be really drunk."

BD: "Oh . . . oh. Okay, no, I know what you mean. I guess that makes sense that it wouldn't be the best idea for a blind date."

Me: "Yeah, maybe not this time."

BD: "Well, my other grand passion is bowling."

Which, would have actually been kind of witty if he'd been kidding, which he wasn't. Turns out he was on a league and everything. So I said that bowling sounded fine, and inwardly resigned myself to One Of Those Nights. I just don't see the point of bowling. I mean, who decided that it was the great go-to date idea? But I just couldn't shoot down both his ideas without feeling like a jerk.

I called my sister and told her she was dead to me, while she hyperventilated with laughter on the phone. And then she called her friend, who felt responsible for unknowingly setting me up with a Karaoke Singer. So she decided to invite herself and her husband along on the date just in case it needed salvaging. Only then she needed to find a babysitter for her two little kids. And my sister volunteered.

So . . . the original plan was for me and Spitfire to head down and spend a relaxing weekend with our family. Instead, we now had my two sisters spending their night at someone else's house babysitting, a tired, pregnant married couple joining a late-night bowling date out of a sense of responsibility and guilt, and me and this guy going on a date that neither of us were looking forward to.

Smart, huh?

We didn't get to the bowling alley until about 10pm, and the conversation in the car was practically nonexistent even though I did try. The guy was perfectly nice and good-looking but we had absolutely nothing to talk about. All I got out of him were one-word responses. And I was too tired to sparkle in my usual sparkly way. I kind of hoped that the bowling alley could have burned down on our way there so that we could have just forgotten about the whole thing.

At the bowling alley they asked us how many games we wanted to play. The married couple and I were undoubtedly all having the same thought: "One." Or, you know, maybe they could tell us that they were closing. Or that they were having an anthrax scare, or that the child molester on lane 3 keeps flashing people so they're evacuating the building while they wait for the cops.

Our companion looked at us and said, "Well, my best game is always game 3."

We compromised at 2. I got a rubbish score. My date did a strange stiff-jointed dance every time he got up to bowl. Me and the pregnant girl yawned a lot. My date and I stopped pretending to be interested in conversing with each other. We drove back to the married people's house and he kept repeating over and over again how tired he was, so I told him that I would just go home with my sisters.

Aren't we all glad we did that? It could have been worse, though. I could have agreed to the karaoke.

20 comments:

ed said... [reply]

And I got stuck alone at home watching arrested development.

Also, people who sing karaoke and don't drink.... are people I stay far far away from.

AZ said... [reply]

Sorry, that sounds brutal. Although I think it could have been fun to watch him up there singing karaoke-as long as you didn't have to sing of course. It might have brought out his "fun side." If nothing else it would give you funny stories to blog about. :) Better luck next time.

Miss Hass said... [reply]

Karaoke? And bowling? On a blind date? Seriously. Dude.

There is no hope for us spinsters. I'd better get a knitting caddy next time I go to Michael's.

RC Cola! said... [reply]

Can I have his number? I love karaoke -not in a bar, but on a PS2 or some other video game contraption. That American Idol game is good times! It's impossible to not have a good time!

Bowling, meh. But you know, everyone should have some sort of hobby.

Suzie1 said... [reply]

I'm with RC cola--I LOVE LOVE LOVE Karaoke Revolution on PS2 (but only with people I know and trust), AND (and this is 100% true) I'm on a bowling league. I'm not any good, but I'm on a league nonetheless. (In fact, I just got back from our weekly game just now...)

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

There are a few non-crazies out there who sing karaoke without alcohol. It's not something I do on a regular basis or by myself, nor would I suggest it for a date until well into the relationship. But don't judge us just based on our affinity for the activity. ;)

kristen said... [reply]

Karaoke on a blind date? Dude.....

What ever happened to going out to dinner? Seriously, nothing wrong with that, especially for a first date; and a blind one at that.

I kinda like bowling, but not on a first date. That's more of a 5th date adventure.

So sorry you had an excruciating experience. This is reason enough to ban blind dates altogether.

Edgy said... [reply]

I so can't believe you would diss on the karaoke. Of course, the best way to do karaoke is to go to a bar. You don't drink, but you get to be entertained by those who do. And any crazy behavior or bad vocalizations you may express can be excused as second-hand intoxication.

Jenny said... [reply]

See, this is why no one will ever nominate me for sister of the year.

foodie said... [reply]

Sounds like you scored yourself a winner!!!

This has nothing to do with your blind date post, but being that it is the Halloween season, I got thinking and remembered your "Spider" post from a couple of years ago. The one where you tried to drown him in the shower, but he resisted your attempts!!!

I started laughing to myself, and tried to go back and find it, but came up with nothing. Any chance you could dig it back up???

Nemesis said... [reply]

Hey foodie, you can read that post here. Enjoy! Those were good times. Living among the spiders of England actually helped me get used to finding them in my living space, only then I came back to UT where we have the poisonous kind.

"Happy Feeling's Gone!"

April said... [reply]

I laughed a lot while reading this--at work! Then I had to tell my co-worker why I was laughing so hard, and she thought it was pretty funny, too.

I actually do like bowling, but I agree it should be the go-to idea for dates. And the only time I've done karaoke, I had to ply myself with sweet, sweet alcohol beforehand.

And your date was pretty clever, constantly saying how tired he was. I mean, was he afraid you were going to invite him over for coffee and danish? What an idiot.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

You are just so funny. And lady in red would have only been bad if you'd actually worn red. I like to think you are smart enough to avoid THAT pitfall.

Where have all the good men gone, and where are all the gods?

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

And "I pretty much go every week." Does this sound like Napoleon Dynamite to anyone else?

Rynell said... [reply]

Karoke? Um no.
Bowling? Double no.

Azúcar said... [reply]

Karaoke? YES!

But I like to entertain a crowd.

Hannah said... [reply]

Holy Cow. That is sad...and funny. I'm sorry the night was so bad.

Scully said... [reply]

I realize I'm late to the party, but any activity that requires one wear shoes that countless strangers have worn before is not something to do on a blind date. Or ever, really.

chosha said... [reply]

I think bowling's okay for a first date. It's harmless enough and can be fun as long as you're not with overly competitive people. Someone who describes bowling as their 'grand passion' however...

On the other hand, I LOVE karaoke! I've never done the bar scene though. In Japan (where karaoke is a national pasttime (and pronounced correctly :) )) you get together with your friends in a small room, so you're not singing in front of a crowd of strangers. The only time I've sung karaoke with drunk people was went I went with some teacher colleagues. It started out great, but after they'd drunk more...not so great. Bad even. I can see why the bar thing wasn't sounding tempting.

Shawn Econo said... [reply]

Whoa whoa whoa, wait a minute here...

I'll also be trotting out a taser, because who even walks up to a middle-aged spinster librarian and tells them they're just being too picky?

OK, I know we live in Utah, where a 23-year-old woman is considered a hopeless spinster, but for Pete's sake, DO NOT CALL YOURSELF MIDDLE-AGED even though we know it's all for the hearty comedic effect.

Oh my heck.

Also, awesome one-liner about the fun factor of your bed. I actually LOL'ed and woke up my cat who then gave me a crusty look for all of three seconds before licking her nether regions and then travelling back to Napville.

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