To the large Dodge truck behind me at the stoplight
Dear ma'am:
I'm not sure why you felt the need to keep inching closer and closer to me while we both sat at a red light.
Were you hoping that I would get the hint and start inching out into 55-miles per hour traffic? Because I'm not going to. I'm polite, but I'm not that polite.
Did you think you would arrive at your final destination faster if you were on top of my car when the light changed?
Has your car developed a mind of its own and found itself overwhelmingly attracted to my car and, in the manner of a love-struck Herbie, moved of its own volition, as a flame to a moth? Because my car is not actually that sort of girl, nor was she feeling that kind of attraction.
Were you playing some sort of strange "How close can I get" game? Because that's a good way to find yourself replacing my bumper. Or, if I were a different sort of person, getting shot in the face.
Best Wishes,
Nemesis
ps. My sister Jenny wants you to know that she is totally up for playing that game with you, on account of she could use a new bumper.
Gentle readers, who would you like to write a letter to?
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
10 comments:
Whenever someone does that to me, I'm tempted to put the car in reverse and start inching backwards until they get the hint and knock it off. But really, I'm not brave enough to try it out.
Also, have you ever noticed that the people who inch forward at stop lights are usually slower to go when the light does turn green?
Oh..that is so annoying. Utah drivers are the absolute worst.
I hate when drivers in big cars think they can intimidate you. And to answer your question, I would like to write a letter to The Dwight K. Schrute of My Office to suggest that sending out daily memos of who he will and will not take phone calls from is a total waste of my time. Heaven forbid he takes a phone call and upsets his delicate genius.
one fateful day two weeks ago, I saw three accidents, just in picking up my son from preschool...and don't get me started on conference weekend in Provo...hell on earth
I picked up this habit in Boston--the Boston creep--it is used, especially by cars at the front of the line needing to make a left-hand turn, to get a jump on the green light. Most streets in Boston don't have left-hand turning lanes so if you are at the front of the lane and get a good jump on a green light you can make your left-hand turn before the opposite lane starts moving forward. That way you don't hold up traffic or have to wait for the opposite lane to clear up--which never happens. I still creep even though I'm not in Boston. However, because I know I'm going to do it I give myself plenty of room and if the light is really long I will stop the appropriate distance behind a vehicle (so I can still see the pavement behind the back tire of the car in front of me)
Anonymous, I'm a Boston creeper, too. I have stopped jumping the green lights since I nearly totalled my car when I moved to the midwest.
What drives me crazy is when someone who CLEARLY got to the four-way stop before you did waves you through. I'm sorry, you were there first. It's dangerous to do that. And you're not really being nice.
Boston creeper . . .
Sounds like some kind of vine that attaches itself to old buildings.
Utah is chuck full of idiot drivers.
Dear Boy and Girl sitting next to me in the computer lab--
Yes, I know that it is BYU, but would you please consider keeping your flirting to a minimum? Especially when it includes loud obnoxious giggling in a computer lab, where some of us are trying to write papers?
Also, Boy, please remember that while cologne may be nice, bathing in it isn't.
Also, Girl, did you not notice that talking loudly on cell phones in the aforesaid computer lab (or library) is a very very bad idea? Because, there are lots of people in this room, and they DON'T want to hear about your relationship problems with your roommates. And that boy by you? He probably wants to talk to YOU, not have you talk on the phone with SOMEONE ELSE.
Love,
Nerd Goddess
*This is more of a combination of some of my pet peeves that have surfaced at BYU than anything else. I have not yet had someone do all of these at once, but it's only a matter of time.
I would like to write to the 10,000 people in this town who apparently are un-familiar with the rules of a 4-way stop. Because there are a lot of them in our town. Especially the brain-dead girl the other day who assumed that she could cut us off by just not looking at the on-coming cars. Simply being clueless does not grant you the right-of-way.
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