1.18.2008

Natural selection existed for a REASON

Namely, to kill off the weak and/or stupid. Now, I'm glad we've made strides in keeping around the weak. As a 4-week early baby, my chances probably would not have been so good without a few medical advances. Of course, that's also when people thought using salad tongs to deliver babies was a rill good idea. Every time my sunglasses pinch too tightly above my ears it drives me crazy, and is probably my body's way of remembering the trauma of forceps.

The stupid, though? I think the stupid might benefit from a little Darwin-style wake-up call. Like the people who run around wearing flip-flops, in January, in the snow, when it's 4 degrees outside. What is that even about? Has their mind just decided to ignore what few survival mechanisms their body still has? It's called Respecting the Elements, people.

Now, I realize that the rules of seasonal fashion are in a state of flux. I'm hearing that the "no white after Labor Day" rule has now been relaxed. White is okay now, apparently, so long as it's paired with other seasonally appropriate items, like close-toed shoes or boots, heavier tops and jackets, and other things which indicate that the wearer does realize that it's December and not June. The rule does not mean that you're meant to dress like you're on your way to a luau.

When I see girls shuffling through snowdrifts on their way to church, squealing when snow gets inside their espadrilles and when the snowy wind blows their short linen skirts all around their goosebumped legs, I never feel bad for them. Wanna know why? Because those girls are making poor, poor choices.

I'm not even trying to be a style snob here. I am being a common sense snob. I mean, it's really nice that we spend so much time in these temperature-controlled environments, but I think people forget the part where the climate/weather is this real thing, and it's tougher than we are. Cars break down. Heaters act up. Stuff happens. And then there you are, standing there in your hemp shoes in a blizzard, looking stupid and getting frostbite.

So please. Let's all remember: to every thing there is a season. And right now, that season is winter and adequate clothing. Your hemp shoes and sheer tops will be there waiting for you in May. And I won't be rolling my eyes at you then, either.


In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is, "Ow, I hurt my leg. I can't run. A lion eats me. I'm dead." Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead.

20 comments:

Iggy Bloggit said... [reply]

"common sense snob"? hahaha

may i say that you have been truly en pointe of late. i might have some kind of weird chick crush on you, blog style, which is maybe weirder? or maybe not as... you pick. either way thanks for the posts!

Cicada said... [reply]

My brother pointed out that if we were still in a hunting society, he and my brothers would have all died out because they have poor eyesight. I blame technology for allowing poor eyesight and other imperfections in our species.

Also, I did not know I could wear white pants after labor day. I kept seeing them in magazines, but I didn't trust it until I read your post. Thank you.

Holly said... [reply]

I don't see this much here in Idaho, but when I was at BYU (a long time ago) it was rampant. I could never figure out why these stupid girls would wear their spring/summer-type clothes during the winter when it snowed. Did they think the damsel in distress theory was going to work? Right.

TOWR said... [reply]

Ah, Dwight... I can't think of any situation that can't be commented on using quotes from The Simpsons, Seinfeld, or The Office.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Iggy, I'll take any kind of crush that isn't the homicidal kind. So thank you very much!

Cicada, I didn't take it seriously until I read about it in Real Simple. Since they're not really the kind to just tell you to do stupid things, willy nilly. I'm still not doing it, but I no longer judge when I see it done properly. :-)

Holly, yes. BYU has some of the worst offenders, I think.

You are so right, Towr.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

When I moved from Texas, I had to buy a bunch of new non-athletic socks. Flip flops work down there, year round. (Though never at church because flipflops NEVER WORK AT CHURCH PERIOD.) I missed the cold weather clothing the most when we lived there. And the layering.

You can be a style snob. There are few things more delicious than winter clothes. People who ignore the seasons are missing out on the delights of words like cashmere, merino, leather and cordouroy.

It may be true that nature selects against them, but the men keep selecting for them? Hm . . . do these girls look so dumb that men feel compelled to protect them?

As for white pants . . . I think they should be avoided by anyone larger than a size, um, 2. So that pretty much excludes everyone except for my skinny-arsed sister in law. I love her.

Audra said... [reply]

LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO!!! I just ended up reading office quotes with Levi for 30 minutes because of your link! I have seen every episode... but it is funny to read them typed out as well!

Oh, and sometimes I wear crocks with socks... because I love my crocks and I am too lazy to lace ANYTHING... I am so a fashion Feux Pa or however you spell it!

Jenny said... [reply]

When I was in the 8th grade I wore sandals to school in the snow. But it was Alaska and it was March and I was in the 8th grade.

Azúcar said... [reply]

I wore open toed shoes just last week. I froze, but the shoes were hot.

You reminded me of junior high here, when some of the girls would slip and slide on the ice all the way to the bus stop in their denim minis and neon tank tops. Crazy girls.

jeri said... [reply]

I always questioned the sanity of the girls who refuse to wear a coat because it would clash with or (heaven forbid) cover up their stupid top. Personally I love winter when I can give up on stupid pointy shoes for a while and just wear boots and warm sweaters with all my skirts.

Oh, and "common sense snob" should totally become one of your post subjects.

BEFore said... [reply]

And here I thought you were going to write about the yearly Darwin Awards. (Apparently they've just been awarded for last year. I haven't had time to read them yet.)

>>Did they think the damsel in distress theory was going to work?

Well, in their defense, they probably aren't after the engineer / physicist / etc. types.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I kept thinking this ("You are SUCH a moron!") thought for the past two weeks every time I saw a woman wearing flip flops and shorts, which was about every three minutes. And then I would realize, "Oh. Wait. I'm in Southern California, and it's 75 degrees outside! Maybe those people aren't so stupid after all." And then I would go to the beach.

coolmom said... [reply]

We had some neighbors in CA and their college age daughter dressed like that all year round. And there were cold days. And she went to Ricks at the time. I thought it was odd until I realized the girl really didn't have any money for warmer clothes. She also quit college because she didn't have any money. At the time I couldn't understand why her parents didn't help her. I know I'm wandering a bit here, but I thought it was my duty to help my children and didn't really understand why other moms didn't do that. I guessed it was more important to be able to say that you don't work outside the home rather than say your daughters are going to grow up without an education and any way to support themselves in a dignified manner. But as someone once said, I was a little out of touch.

Jimmy said... [reply]

Whenever I see morons out there, I wish I had you on speed-dial to get something good to say.

I so 100% completely agree!

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

Intersting, coolmom. I have a relative who made the decision to stay home and have a very large family on a very small salary. They mostly had girls. I never thought much about it until my female cousins grew up: weddings to the first guys that were half way interested regardless of their ability (or desire) to provide, girls with no skills so when their marriages go south there choices are limited, babies every year with little thought about how they'll be paid for . . . I know this is absolutely not the case in every big family: my husband is one of nine and they are all stable and well-adjusted (as much as anybody can be). Most of them (men and women) are college graduates, or at least had a set of employable skills because both parents really encouraged this. As for me, I always had a mom that worked at least part-time. Anything fun or memorable I did growing up (the things that really helped shape who I am) is 100% because my mom worked. Now my husband and I sometimes have disagreements about how much "help" your children need, especially financially. It will be interesting to see the way we go as my kids get older.

Sorry for the unrelated-to-your-post-comment, Nem.

miranda said... [reply]

I agree. My favorite? Not only are they out there in flipflops, but some of them AREN'T WEARING COATS. It must mar their "look" to have to wear things that keep them warm...

Maggie said... [reply]

You don't see that as much in Missouri, but I saw it all the time at BYU.

MadMadameMim said... [reply]

I honestly just have to laugh when I see the silly girls wearing the ridiculously out of season clothing. But I have to say the only time I ever got so ticked I didn't keep my mouth to my self was one frigid January day back on the campus of dear old USU when I saw a young couple with this adorable little boy dressed all in Gymboree clothes but with nothing warmer on than a jean jacket. Here I was freezing in my ski coat boots and gloves and this poor little guy was just out there in the elements catching his death.
As nicely as I could I pointed out that his little hands looked purple and the boogers running down his face were frozen to his cheek. The mother looked completely shocked, wrapped him in her warm coat and rushed to the nearest building.
Perhaps in some extreem cases there ought to be natural selection so they don't kill off the whole next generation. Some memories just never leave you.

maggiezmom said... [reply]

It's not just women... Yesterday here in Spokane it was only 15 degrees. I was bundled up tip to toe when what should I witness?!?! The fed ex driver jump out of his trunk and meander on in to an office with a delivery IN HIS OFFICIAL FED EX SHORTS!!! Yikes!

Anonymous said... [reply]

I hear ya sister. I live by a college campus which shall remain nameless, and I often offer rides to people I see walking in the cold, or waiting by the bus stop for the bus to come. Today I saw a girl in those stupid capri lenght yoga type pants and small sketcher type 'tennis' shoes and a t-shirt with a light zip up sweatshirt on... trudging through feet of snow to get to the bus stop. For her I did not stop. She deserves to loose both legs. Or at least a few toes... moron.

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