Someone should just buy me a shirt with a big ol' Target on it

I learned some really good stuff today from a patron. I learned all about how the Pope of the Catholic Church is inherently evil, and how all of his ceremonial clothing represents evil things. Which, wow. I was not asking for any of this information, mind you. The patron in question had to do an assignment on the Pope but was also finding other, much more interesting information as part his research.

I made vague, noncommittal noises while working very very quickly to find him what he wanted. He paused and said, "Wait. Are you LDS?"

This is where I really should have said, "No, I'm Catholic," with an Eyebrow added for good measure. I didn't, though, which was my mistake.

Him: "Oh, okay. I just, I wouldn't want to offend you or anything."

Me: "Hey, you still might!"

Because really, being LDS doesn't make me anti-Catholic, or make me want to hear mean stuff about the Pope, like how he's one of the horsemen of the apocalypse, but the patron seemed determined to show me what he was learning (I'm guessing from websites like www.ThePopeIsEvilJust LookAtHisHat.com). He said it came from early LDS Church leaders, which, whatever. I doubt that. And yes, it's true that some past LDS scholars have made negative speculations about the Catholic Church, but then they apologized and said they'd misinterpreted the scriptures and that they take it back.

Because come on! Look at this guy! A horseman of the apocalypse?

It got even better when he started telling me about how I need to look at the back of the Greek 2-Euro coin, and that it's going to jolt me right out of my chair because it's prophecy fulfilled. Which, hey, I'd love to look at the back of a 2-Euro coin from Greece. I'd prefer to look at lots of 2-Euro coins while lounging on a Greek beach while a wet shirtless Greek youth feeds me gyros with one hand and lathers my body in sexy sparkly SPF 75 sunblock with the other one. (Hey, Coppertone! Wanna get on a prototype for that?) Or maybe there should be two youths--one for food and one for sunblock. And maybe a third to whisper sweet Greek nothings to me. But since I can't have everything, I looked it up online.

I'll give you a moment to reach for your smelling salts. Go ahead.

Now, as far as I know this is Europa being carried off by Zeus in the form of a bull, nasty shape-shifting rapist that he was. From the Wikipedia entry, it looks like this symbol was included on some early Greek coinage as well. So . . . not exactly sure which prophecy this is meant to fulfill. Unless I missed the part in the Book of Mormon with the shapeshifting rapist bull which ushers in the Second Coming of Christ. It's likely, I guess. I mean, I did take early-morning seminary, so maybe I was too sleepy and frostbitten to notice that part.


Azúcar said... [reply]

It's so hard, because you don't want to completely smash their world view, but there's only so much crazy I can take at one time before I feel the need to issue corrective action.

Scully said... [reply]

Not to be disagreeable, Azucar, but I think world views like that should be smashed sooner rather than later. Sadly, world views like that are usually uncrushable. Also, I shall never be able to hear about Zeus without adding 'shap-shifting rapist that he was' to it. It is now his full title.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

Um. That's not the Pope anymore. Just sayin'.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Amandastretch, I wondered if anyone was going to mention that. I used the old Pope because that was the one he was looking for images of. Also because he looks cuddlier than the new one.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

True. The new one is a more likely candidate for a horseman of the apocalypse.

wesley's mom said... [reply]

I just have to say

A. You are hilarious.

B. Where does all of that Catholics are Satan crap come from anyway? My in-laws swear by it.

Nerd Goddess said... [reply]

Sometimes I just wonder about people. And why they do/say dumb things. People in other churches are awesome, and there is nothing about our faith that says we should go about bashing other people's faiths. I mean, did anyone ever see President Hinckley going around bashing other churches? Didn't think so.


Also, thanks for the post. Quite funny, especially the shape-shifting Zeus part.

Yankee Girl said... [reply]

I had to sit through so many of these lectures while I was in Northern Ireland. At first I tried to do the noncommittal noise thing but I could only stand it for so long. So then I started inserting little bits of commentary about how Pres. Hinckley spoke kindly of Pope John Paul II when he died; that several church officials attended his funeral; that the first Presidency attended a special mass in his honor; that the church has used church money to help restore Catholic buildings in Salt Lake; that the church heavily relies on Catholic Relief Services to distribute humanitarian aid; and the list goes on. Of course the people I was saying this to were LDS--wouldn't have been wise to try to defend the Catholic church in some circles--but I still got a lot of cold shoulders. It was so worth it though to see the looks on their faces cause they couldn't exactly accuse Pres. Hinckley admiring one of the horsemen of the apocalypse.

Jon Boy said... [reply]

I think the problem is that Mormons generally take the Catholic Church to be the epitome of everything that went wrong with Christianity. I think it's hard for people to get over that.

Maggie said... [reply]

People like that make me regret that I gave up drinking. (We had a somewhat similiar episode happen while buying a car, if you ever feel like dropping by my blog I wrote about it.) I'm sad for you that it happened while you were working and therefore not able to give him a good smack.

Th. said... [reply]


Re: the Euro:

It's hard to tell of course, that being a jpg and not being, mm, accurate to the nanometer, shall we say, but there are thirteen stars (unlucky) a naked woman (fallen), a rampaging auroch (pagan), a palindrome year (not significant), and the entire text of the Satanic Bible in 0.0000001-point Comic Sans.

Comic Sans, I don't need to point out, is not only evil but specifically prophesied by Brigham Young who said, quote, Before the final resurrection the world will be suckered to use really inappropriate typefaces on cash money and wedding invitations, end quote.

You can look it up. There's a link from that website you mentioned.

Deborah said... [reply]

Unfortunately, the LDS church breeds too many idiots. Inbreeding,maybe? My m-i-l thought my children would fall away from the church if we raised them outside of UT. I think that may be the only thing to save them!

Thanks for your insight into so many crazy situations.

Natalie said... [reply]

The "Hey, you still might" part made me spit Mt Dwa out my nose.

And I appreciate Theric's insight. I always knew there was something wrong with Comic Sans.

jeri said... [reply]

I'm glad I read the comments because i was really hoping that someone would explain the Euro. I remained un-jolted until I read the Comic Sans part. I get it now. Smelling salts please.

Anonymous said... [reply]

You know what's even more neat than having some one go off on you about a religion you're not a part of or know next to nothing about? Having some one who knows nothing about the church YOU'RE a part of (I too am a mormon and said person is a baptist) and telling you how insane your religion is based on the minimal things they've heard in office gossip.

Said Baptist told me (not knowing that I was a mormon at the time) that the crazy mormons baptize dead people (how did she find out? I thought that was a well kept funeral parlor secret) and that it's a commandment for us NOT to drink Coca cola. How crazy that there are 11 commandments. I must have missed that in early morning seminary as well.

People are really nonsensical and I find it entirely humorous.

Dave said... [reply]

Two days ago was Ash Wednesday and I, being the helpful moron that I am, went around telling all my Catholic friends that they all had dirt on their faces. I got a lot of 'are you frikkin kidding me' looks and eventualy someone told me I was sortof mocking thier religious beliefs. Opps.

Eva said... [reply]

Oh religions... this is why I'm a fan of mine. Orthodox doesn't go around bothering anyone and telling them they're wrong, we just shrug it off, fast a lot, have really harsh lent, and get our Easter candy on discount.

Anonymous said... [reply]

sooo... I used to be Catholic and when I moved to Utah to go to school, I LOVED humiliating people when they would make fun of the Catholic religion. Especially in a church setting.. ( mind you never in Sacrament or anything..) but when people would say things... in passing about the Catholic church or something to that nature in SS or RS, I loved started off my comment with,. " well, when I was Catholic".... ( then I would pause to let it all sink in... ) and would preceed with the comment. Even now when I am around new people who don't know me, and if something comes up about the Cathoic church I tend to tell people that I am catholic... just to burn them... I am also a bad person. But that is beside the point. I don't get why only a Catholic person should be insulted by someone dogging that religion. To me; dogging any solid religion is wrong. Unless that religion is totally evil; like say one that makes all women be slaves or something. I would have NO problem dogging that. I guess I am still sensitive about the whole issue. I once had an institute teacher at the U slyly ( or not so slyly) try to tell us that the Great and Abominable Church was indeed the Catholic church.... because they couldn't have any faith in anything because their faith is so wrong..... **blink...*** few things have slienced me in my life.. but that did. You better believe I spoke to the Instiute pres about that...after I found my tongue again. action was taken...

daltongirl said... [reply]

Could you put up a link to that pope is evil look at his hat site, because I can't find it.

miranda said... [reply]

The joy. My favorite part of this? The same LDS folks that go around bashing others' religions are the same folks that want to make sure that everyone knows how wrong it is for Mormons to be persecuted and made fun of for their beliefs.

I loved listening to my husband's Catholic grandmother describe the rituals she enjoyed.

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