Perhaps I should lay off the drugs
The other morning I pulled up to an intersection manned by school crosswalk guard mommies. I came to an obedient and safe stop just in time to watch a large black and white turkey start waddling its way across the white striped lines of the crosswalk.
He didn't make it all the way, though, because one of the mommies rushed out into the crosswalk and started shooing him back over onto the sidewalk he'd started from.
So. No idea what was going on there. Is he some elementary student's 4-H project who broke out to follow his owner to school in the manner of Lassie? That turkey pretty much wins the prize for Weirdest Thing I've Ever Seen Crossing the Street in Front of Me. And this is in the face of quite stiff competition in the form of Idiot BYU Students Who Pay No Attention to Traffic Signals and Cross the Road Like a Herd of Retarded Sheep Right in front of My Car and Would So Deserve It If I Just Rammed Them for Being Stupid.
Who would your winners be?
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
11 comments:
Growing up in a small town I got used to seeing all manner of farm equipment, unattended animals and Shriners cross the street in front of me. But that doesn't seem nearly as weird as these "Emo" greasy-haired losers with the tattooed-on pants that slouch across the road as if begging you to run them down. I'm pretty sure I see one crossing the road at least 12 times a day.
This happened to me twice in Japan. And it's not weird so much as stupid. See reference to BYU idiots.
So this car crosses the street in front of me. Only the car had a stop sign, and I didn't. And the car didn't quite cross in front of me. It would be accurate to say it crossed more into me. The first thing out of my companion's mouth was to the driver of the car: "Is your car okay?" Because there happened to be a huge me-sized dent in the hood. Boo-yah. The second time it happened I had to go to the hospital due to pain-related issues caused by me flying ten feet across the road and landing in the position of the splits. And then my District Leader went to the guy's house and extorted all kinds of money out of him so I could replace my shoes and clothes that were ruined.
But yeah, those two guys should have laid off the drugs, and then they might not have become American murderers. Even if they were mad about the whole Hiroshima thing.
I take it you haven't been driving a lot in San Francisco or Hollywood?
A turkey's pretty weird though...
Moose. Bears. Coyotes. Fox.
I wasn't actually stopped, but this morning as I was driving to work, I passed a truck that was parked, but running, outside a house. There was no driver, but he was obviously coming back soon as the truck was running and there were two golden retrievers in the back. Who were very aggressively enjoying one another's company, which is the only PG-friendly way I could think of saying it. And this was at a time when most children in the neighborhood are traveling on this road to school. I'm sure some teachers and/or parents got some fun questions this morning.
I don't know about weird but every morning I send my son to the bus stop I want to jump up and down and scream like a maniac mother at the large group of ten year old boys running around in the street despite cars coming in all directions! But I guess ten year olds are meant to be stupid.
Oooh oooh- so maybe this doesn't qualify since I didn't actually see it, but it happened on the way to my house with a family member, so that has to count for something right?
My brother Scott was driving home from my house, with his car filled with kids and stopped at a normal intersection near the ever busy Walmart parking lot when a full sized brown bear ran across the street (from the parking lot, toward Rite Aide). They all screamed in disbelief and my 14 year old niece shook her head and said,"Wow, they've got everything at Walmart."
From my college dorm room, my friend and I used to watch this guy in full army fatigues attempt over and over again to cross the road. He'd get a few feet across, see a car coming down the block, then run back to where he started. Over and over again. He'd just about make it across, then see a car coming two blocks away, then run back to wait for it. I don't know if was having flashbacks or what, but it was funny in a sad way.
My friend found busy baby road kill in her apartment parking lot in Salt Lake City.
"Cross the road like a herd of retarded sheep . . . " That is exactly what I've always thought of BYU students. Thanks for the validation. :)
I tutor a student who lives kind of out in the sticks right now. At dusk I have to slow down for ducks, turkeys, donkeys and deer, and people with blue or pink hair. (Remember: Oregon). We had to slow down for a buffalo in a parking lot at Yellowstone; mountain goats in the Colorado Rockies. I nearly hit deer a couple of times in Sardine canyon, but no turkeys in Logan, ever.
And daltongirl, love the blackmailing district leader. Now and then those elders were awesome.
Hmmm, just yesterday I managed to avoid smashing into an enormous wild tom turkey and his chattering harem of adoring sister wives as I drove down L**** Canyon on my way home from driving the Rich County Bookmobile.
And this is after a day of multiple near-collisions with a handful of white-tailed deer, two amorous prairie dogs who were chasing each other out onto the road, several magpies, a jackrabbit, and an honest-to-goodness golden eagle who was feasting on a de-lish roadkill bunny. All this while driving through the sagebrush in a multi-ton chunkbox of a truck stacked to the gills with Anita Stansfields and James Pattersons. Thank goodness for them handy air brakes!
The only thing missing was a porcupine, a species I once narrowly avoided smearing into the gravel road while driving up in the Snowy Range of Wyoming on a camping trip with my buddies. Those suckers are intimidating but wildly endearing, so I was happy to see this guy continue on his kindly Hysticomorphine path.
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