It's a good thing we don't have permanent records any more

So the other day I said this after riding my bike to work for the first time this year:

. . . it was a lot harder than I remember it being. I was puffing and heaving and generally dying and trying to hold back the vomit that threatened to spill out over the handlebars. It's a good thing the way home is a bit more downhillish. And it's a comfort to know that in a couple more weeks of this I will be a true hardbody.

I didn't mention the part where I considered just hopping off and walking the &^*% thing. Or throwing myself and the bike into a ditch (sorry, barrow pit) and letting sweet death take us. And the bit where my rear was so sore afterwards that I couldn't sit down without yelping for the next 18 hours.

Turns out there was a reason why it was so hard. Spitfire's friend, who is a bike enthusiast, was visiting and asked how things are going with the bike. I told him how hard yesterday's ride had been and he quickly discovered the problem:

My tires were flat.

Instead of possessing the recommended 50 pounds of air, mine were at about 6. So, yeah. I biked 8 miles on flat tires. Which would have been difficult for anyone. He very nicely pumped up my tires while Spitfire laughed herself into an exhausted heap on my front porch, stopping every now and then to point at me and and shake her head and then laugh some more.

Even with the mocking, I feel ridiculously pleased to know that I'm actually not out of shape like I thought I was yesterday. I mean, it is too bad that I'm stupid. But that's a trade off that other people make every day. If they can live with it, so can I.


Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

I am just laughing my head off.

I nearly always managed to be in an area on my mission where I had to ride a bike. One of these was a really hilly area with a bad reputation for being filled with Bible bashers and wacky members. We lived in the 'burbs with a member family who lived at the top of this horrific hill. The mission joke was that if you could bike to the Narara flat, you could get transferred.

It took me six weeks to make it up that damn hill. And six months to get transferred.

Good times.

Jenny said... [reply]

I'm sorry you're such a moron.

Janssen said... [reply]

Excellent! I'm having a current dilemma over whether to post about how I got my late fee reversed by my credit card company because on one hand, HOORAY! and on the other hand, well, who is too stupid to pay their CC bill on time (hint: it was actually my husband)?

Laura L said... [reply]

ha! I'm cracking up.

I'm a longtime reader who rarely comments, but I wanted to thank you for writing such lovely things to read. They always brighten my day. And in fact it was your blog that finally inspired me to start one of my own. So, a big thank you for scattering the snarky goodness.

Jon Boy said... [reply]

Eight miles on flat tires? Wow. That's a testament to the indomitable human spirit or something.

Cooldad said... [reply]

Some people's children. Jeez, I feel like such a failure as a parent.

Anonymous said... [reply]

It really is a lot harder to pedal a bike with flat tires. Or against a stiff wind.

You need to pay attention. But then, who am I to talk? Last week I nearly rode my bicycle over a rattlesnake. On the way back I was looking for snakes and almost rode onto a runway while a plane was landing.

jeri said... [reply]

Oh Nem... I'm sorry! I laughed a lot though.

Now you need to write a best-selling workout book on Lose Weight the Flat Tire Way. Wimps ride bikes with tires full of air. True hardbodies let all the air out and achieve 10 times the results. Plus you're being environmentally conscious because you don't even need new tires all the time. Heck you could pedal around on the rims!

You know if you don't do it, someone else will.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

I agree with Jon Boy. That shows strength of character (an apparently of calf and thigh muscles) more than anything. I say celebrate your in-human leg strength and forget about your lack of tire-air.

Also, is it me, or do the word verifications get longer each time?

Christie said... [reply]

I love a good laugh in the morning! JonBoy's suggestion for a workout book is fab. You must do it. And just so you know, my bank (Washington Mutual) has a customer stupidity policy. I know because I've used it. Our checks are automatically deposited, but I still have to write the amount in the checkbook. One month I wrote down the gross pay instead of the net. Whee! They were awfully kind about all the bounced checks.

blackjazz said... [reply]

I too have started to cycle to work again, sometimes.

Never mind the flat tyres - are there any hills?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Blackjazz, there aren't really any hills to speak of. There's a slight incline on the way to work, but it's not bad.

chosha said... [reply]

So simple and yet, so freaking funny.

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