Taking the c-l out of "classy"

Last night I got an email from a Right-Thinking Friend who also designs invitations (not Cicada). This is what my horrified RTF wrote, while still in the throes of horror:

A friend wants me to do her sister's wedding invites and thank-you cards. The instructions are "really classy, they want everything to be very elegant and classy, white lilies, very very classy . . ." To go along with this theme, they want a photo card thank-you with a picture of the couple in their wedding attire. They will then leave a stack of these cards on the gift table and guests can just pick one up and feel thanked.



I was actually joking about this exact sort of thing yesterday afternoon with GF and his sisters. GF realized for the first time that we would be expected to write individual thank-yous to the people who give us gifts and promptly went into a coma. And, with not a little bit of relish, I informed his inert self that the groom gets to write the thank-yous to his own side of the family (which is about 12.7 times larger than my side). Then I laughed oh so evilly. So we were joking about the white-trash alternatives, like form letters that you fill in and stamp with a signature, or writing "thank you" on the wedding favors and calling it good, or leaving blank thank-you cards on the gift table.

So imagine how awesome it was to learn, not 5 hours later, about someone who is actually doing that and actually thinks it's okay and thinks that a wedding with such a thing can still be considered a classy affair.

Because guess what. Something like that? That completely negates the thank-you. It really does. It's pretty much akin to the bride throwing this "very very classy" wedding and then very, very classily climbing up on the gift table, taking a dump on it, and passing out plastic sporks for people to take a bit home.


Janssen said... [reply]

Oh brother. Definitely c-l there.

I should have made my husband do more of the thank-you cards, since at least 1/2 of the gifts were from his side. But then we moved and before I came out I made my sister sit down and do the rest of them with me. Bless her.

Jon Boy said... [reply]

Wow. That's unbelievably tacky. I think it would be classier to simply not give out thank-you cards at all.

Desmama said... [reply]

I had a friend who, quite bluntly, asked me if I'd be offended if she didn't send me a thank-you card for the gift I sent for her wedding. My guess is that it was her way of minimizing the amount of work she had to do. And what was I supposed to say?

She's just . . . kind of like that.

Nemesis said... [reply]

If I don't get a thank-you card for a wedding gift I either figure that a) they're lazy, or I worry that b)they didn't actually GET the envelope with the gift card/cash inside. Because those little things are easier to misplace/steal.

JackJen said... [reply]

I once went to a wedding reception where there were blank envelopes in a basket on the table, along with written instructions that I was to set down my gift and then...THEN...fill in my name and address on the (already stamped) envelope.

I refused.

Jennifer Lee said... [reply]

jackjen--I was JUST going to post about the same thing. Is writing a thank you such a chore? It's the least that can be done when someone has not only spent money on you but come to a function to support you. I find it appalling. But to have a generic card at the reception as a way to say thank you? It's too much. I might not leave my gift.

Kelly said... [reply]

That's a vivid image you painted.

I can't believe anyone thinks leaving thank you notes on the table is appropriate!

I would just like to note that getting the husband to actually write the notes can be a bit of a chore. Mine are all done. His? I honestly don't think he's sent one yet. And there are even people he claimed. Mutual friends who I volunteered to write the note to and he said, "No, I want to write that one!" Whatever.

jeri said... [reply]

I'm pretty sure if I saw a stack of Thank Yourself cards on the table I would just take my gift right back out to the car. That couldn't possibly be any more tacky than the cards. Then I would try to leave before the Traditional Bride Dump.

Kristeee said... [reply]

Wow, that's a new level of lame and lazy. A thank you note does NOT take forever to write, and it's a sign of respect and thanks that can mean a lot. For example - my SIL lived with us for 2.5 months before her wedding because her contract ran out. She was stressed between her last semester of school and making wedding plans, so I often cooked for her and her fiance. I also hosted the bridal shower and made the crystal & floral centerpieces for her reception. (Not to mention playing the piano for her ring ceremony and setting up her wedding cake and keeping the refreshment table stocked, along with the other SILs.)

I never got a thank you note for any of it. I'm still slightly bitter.

Gretchen said... [reply]

Maybe we can hope that the "thank you" was more like a favor and they were going to ALSO send real thank you notes. Just generic ones that they weren't having made. Maybe. MAYBE?!?!? Please let it be so. My brain hurts thinking about the alternative...

Maggie said... [reply]

After going to my cousin's wedding my husband and I recived a thank you post card with a photo of the lovely couple. The thank you was printed on the side. The funny part was that we never gave them a gift! (Tacky, I know, but we're poor and they know it.) We just got a form post card thanking us for our generous gift from them that I'm sure they sent to everyone on their list. I just laughed, but if I had spent time and money picking something out for them I would not be laughing.

Marie said... [reply]

Well, for what it's worth, I was one of those people who thought you had a year to send out thank-you cards. (I guess you don't.) We therefore sent out thank-yous at different times. It made at least some of the "written" vs. "non-written" thank-you notes hard to keep track of.
Long story short, I panicked as the year was winding down, and ended up sending a couple of notes along the lines of "I may have already sent you a thank-you, but I wanted to make sure you knew how much we appreciated (fill in the blank)." Pretty embarassing, and yet, oh the guilt if I hadn't done so.
So yeah. My advice would be do them all at once and get them over with.
Hope you don't mind that I "de-lurked." (Again.) Just enjoy your blog.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Marie, don't you know that comments are like chocolate cocaine to me? De-lurk away, baby! Also I kind of love your story. That IS awkward, but check you out with the good heart wanting to be sure people get thanked . . .

Suzie1 said... [reply]

Oh geez. People are so backward nowadays. (Yes, I just said nowadays.) My friend from work informed me the other day that he and his wife never got around to sending thank-you notes to their wedding guests and wondered if they still should. I said yes. He said, "But it's been seven years!" And I said, "It doesn't matter. Better to send them and be very late than not send them and seem ungrateful." I still stand by that.

And yes, the form thank-you note to pick up on your way out definitely negates the message of gratitude.

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Wow. That is atrocious.

Theric wrote all the thank you's for his side and I wrote all the ones for mine. These were real thank yous--sincere, thought out and interesting. Years later people still comment on the thank you cards we sent them; which you've got to admit is pretty cool.

coolmom said... [reply]

People are lazy, selfish, ungrateful, spoiled brats is what it is! Our last check to a neice for high school graduation was cashed almost a year after we mailed it. I thought checks were only good for 6 months. We never got a thank you either.

blackjazz said... [reply]

You're almost making me feel bad that we didn't send out thank you cards. But then, we didn't do a wedding list so we did get a lot of towels and toast racks.

I think we probably knew who had given us what and thanked them personally.

And we didn't give out presents to the bridesmaids, the caterers, our parents, the pets of our parents...

No wonder so many people don't bother getting married these days!

Th. said... [reply]


Yeah, like Lady Steed said (and for the record), we're pretty awesome.

Nemesis said... [reply]

You know what's funny, Blackjazz. I'm actually borrowing the thank-you present tradition from you Brits (I guess not so much YOU as other Brits). Minus the presents for the caterers' pets, of course.

blackjazz said... [reply]


I guess that's another thing I need to cross off my list of "things to blame on the yanks" ;-)

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