Every Good Thing

First of all, I should point out that although all these photos you're seeing were taken by daltonboy, the actual Wedding Photographer was Ed. I just happen to have photos by DB more readily accessible to me by virtue of the fact that we live in the same house. Hopefully we'll see some amazing, cool photos by Ed after The Honeymoon. And since we never get to see any pictures of Ed, here you go (You might be able to catch a glimpse of Coolboy's zit in the background).


Secondly, I should point out that the wedding luncheon was amazing. DB and I have been to many, many, many weddings this summer. It's hard not to compare, so I went ahead and did that. The Nemesis Affair was, of course, superior in every way to all wedding-related functions I have attended this year. Here's why:

1. It started on time. The bride and groom did not make everyone wait while they took an extra 500 essential photos, or stopped off at the hotel for a quick "nap." That alone gets top classiness marks from me.

2. There were hors d'oeuvres. Yummy and beautiful ones. This meant that even though there was a short wait for the meal, people were not chewing on the tablecloths or searching the bottoms of their purses for old gum wrappers to suck on.


3. There were delicious favors of gourmet chocolate at every plate. And each chocolate had the word of "merci" imprinted in it--twice. This means Nem doesn't have to send out thank yous, but I bet she will anyway, because she's anal like that.


4. There were no antlers on any walls. Neither was there a neon sign advertising any hops-based beverage in the window.

5. Cicada, Sakhmet, and I (and our husbands, and the lovely Desmama and her charming husband) got to sit at Table #2. Table #2!! Second only to the family of the groom, who sat at Table #1! Of course, we realized our elation was premature when our food came last. Sakhmet pointed out that Second Place is First Loser. Well, it was fun while it lasted.

6. Instead of sitting at their table and kissing, the bride and groom graciously circulated and spoke with their guests--more than once. And speaking of kissing, we didn't have to do that clinking our forks on the glasses thing either, which I'm sure everyone appreciated--especially since RR had already "had enough."

7. The food was delicious. The caterers accidentally mixed up the order and made the fish I had originally voted for, and which I almost burst into tears over when Nem told me a month ago I couldn't have. Not knowing this until it was too late, I ordered the prime rib instead, which was lovely. In a moment of epiphany, I realized that I must have been having some kind of hormonal incident/psychotic break, getting emotional over halibut. But while I watched Desmama eat hers, I knew in my heart that voting for the mango salsa halibut was the right thing to do after all.

8. The program was short. Also it was mostly not embarrassing. You can read a little bit about the embarrassing part here. Gentledad said sweet words. And Nem gave out gifts. Is that the classiest thing ever? I show up to your wedding and you give me a gift. Wow. Sure, those of us who received gifts had to work for them, but the honor of working on behalf of this wedding was reward enough. An additional gift? I'm not worthy!

8a. My very favorite part of the gift giving was when Cicada went up to receive her gift, partly for creating the awesome invitations. Nemesis said something about how Cicada has been encouraging her to marry RR non-stop over the last year and a half. Rocky said, "Hey. She needs a bigger gift!"


8b. Rocky Raccoon used the words of "piss poor" in a short, embarrassed address to the group. The luncheon venue people that were supposed to have reviewed his charming video montage beforehand failed to ensure that the DVD would be viewable. It wasn't. RR was understandably embarrassed, and turned it off after about a minute, which was charming and merciful, except that he turned it off right in the middle of my favorite song. And then he said something about how the quality was piss poor. And Sakhmet leaned over and whispered that she will love him forever. Nothing speaks to Sakhmet's heart like a little vulgar language.

(If I heard correctly, RR promised a version of the video on this blog in the near future.)

8c. There was a brief, touching toast by Nem's father. I must confess that I did not repeat the toast like I was supposed to, nor did I clink. Also, I had typically drained my glass (of water) just before the toast, and had to steal some of Sakhmet's water in order to even be able to sip. So I was flustered. That behavior in no way mirrors my actual wishes and congratulations for the happy couple. To the bride and groom!


9. There was no embarrassing scene with the cake. RR took Nem's words of caution to heart and behaved like a Gentleman and a Friend, even though his friends were egging him on. This saved us all from the pain and humiliation of an annulment.




9a. The cake was beautiful. Lady Steed and Jenny worked their magic with the flowers, and it was very, very lovely. (It was also delicious. It was too small to be served to the guests, but after it was gone I helped myself to a crumb from the plate when almost no one was looking. Dee-licious!)


10. RR and Nem stood around and received well wishes from every guest that wanted to speak with them, showing no signs of anxiousness to hit the road. Because they're classy that way, too.

I got to skip out a few minutes before the couple in order to head over to the place where they were staying and leave a little basket of goodies. I must say, the room was a bit of a disappointment. I turned on every faucet in the place and I never got any liquid Cadbury to come out. And I got to be almost insulted by the cute front desk clerk who took me back to the room. "Are you the mother of one of the couple?" she asked, oh, so innocently. "No, a friend," I said, quickly remembering that I am, in fact, old enough to have a child getting married, if that child was prone to make very poor decisions, and this girl hadn't met our couple yet, so she couldn't have any way of knowing the bride wasn't 17. Still, I would have enjoyed drowning my woes in a mug of Cadbury.


And then, after many expressions of love, gratitude, and affection to their family and friends, The Nemeses drove off into the sunset. Sniff! We all hope you're having the best honeymoon ever, and come back soon with great stories of San Diego.


Oh! And thanks for not making anyone fight over the bouquet!