It's embarassing how bad my memory is
Got this letter at my work email address and it caused me no end of enjoyment. Figured it would be wrong not to share. My responses are in parenthesis.
Hi [Nemesis]
How are you doing today? (I am doing quite well, thank you.) I went on vacation trip to London and attend a program to support people living with HIV / AIDS, I am very sorry i did not tell you about it until now. (Um, you SHOULD be sorry. I mean, I would pass on the HIV/AIDS conference because so many of the library teens have already cause me to spend hours weeping over the fate of humanity, but rubbing your London trip in my face, I must say, is a bit ho-baggish of you.)
I really need your help because I am stranded in London, (oh dear!) you will not believe I forgot my bag in the taxi where my money, passport, documents and other valuable things were kept on my way back to the hotel I was staying. (You're right, I will not believe it.) I'm staying in a 5 star hotel, (Wow, when millions of people are dying from AIDS? Way to win my sympathy there.) so I too have a hotel bill of $ 1500 and you want to pay the bill. (Really? I do?) I tried to explain my situation, but threaten to bring the case to the police and it is not necessary at this time. (I can't begin to imagine why you wouldn't want to involve the police.) Please, I want to help with the sum of $ 2500 to settle my outstanding invoices from hotels, food and transport myself to myself (Transporting yourself to yourself? That's a bit sci-fi, I must say.) at the Embassy to retrieve a temporary travel home. I am sending you this email from the city Library (mmmm . . . libraries) and I will be there for a few hours while waiting for your e-mail,
I will really appreciate if I can send the money ASAP, I promise money back as soon as I return home.I will appreciate whatever you can afford to help me with,Kindly let me know if you can be of help? so that i can send you the details.Your reply will be greatly appreciated.
Merrilee
Now, this letter is a new sort of thing for me. The writer is operating not under the "hello, kind stranger, I heard you might be able to help me" mode but instead upon the basis that we are in fact friends and know each other well enough to be keeping each other up on our travel plans. So if her name does not sound familiar to me, maybe she/he is hoping that I'll be like, "Well, she certainly seems to know me. I must have forgotten about her! Gosh, I feel really bad about that. I'd better send her the money to assuage my guilt over having completely forgotten our relationship."
Am half-tempted to write and say, "Oh my gosh, that sounds terrible. Remember that one time when we went clubbing together in Ibiza and I left my purse in the bathroom by accident? This is totally like that! Except now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that you already owe me money from the time when we were at Costco with my membership card and they would only take American Express so I put that outdoor grill on my American Express and you said you would pay me back. So you go ahead and wire that money into my account and then we'll talk. Stay sweet and have a great summer!"
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
12 comments:
What a strange spam email. Fantastic!
Also very weird for me to read because the same thing happened to my dad last week. Like. Not exactly the same, because he's in Paris and not London, and he "lost" his money (we think maybe it was stolen), and he's not at an AIDS conference, he's just traveling. And not at a five start hotel, either. But he totally called from the hotel, and e-mailed and waited for a few hours for a reply, and urgently needed money and the whole deal. Random, huh?
Can you believe that people actually fall for these types of emails? It will never cease to amaze me how stupid human beings can be.
Dear Nem,
Your mother and I are stranded in Hawaii on our annnual vacation. We want to stay longer, but we have already maxed out all our credit cards. The military hotel is a great deal and they let us stay for another two weeks if you will be so kind as to put $5,000 in our checking account; you know the number.
Thanks in advance for being such a sweet daughter and so understanding of our plight. We'll send you a post card and a box of those yummy chocolate covered macadamia nuts you like so much. Oh. Please include an additonal $10 for the card and nuts.
You dear parents,
Cooldad and Coolmom
So don't leave us in suspense. Did you send the money or not?
I got that email a few weeks ago. Was stymied. Forgot to write a hilarious blog post about it, so thanks for having my back.
You make this email sound so exciting that I'm feeling bad that I didn't get one. I did get an email this morning that said "meet me downstairs" and then had a link with it, although I'm not sure how that message was supposed to convince me to click on the link.
I am stunned almost daily at the number of dead African relatives I have. And attorneys who have identified me - ME! - as a benefactor of their large estates. Kiss me now, tomorrow I'm rich, I say, RICH!
You should be embarrassed. Poor Merrilee. Helping the world and everything!
Hmmm. Coincidentally, I actually did have all of my money/credit cards/travel documents stolen in Nairobi about a week ago and wasn't able to get much out of my credit card company or airline in the way of traveler's insurance. Maybe I should have tried spam. I even have a police report to back up my story.
Who hits their friends up for expensive hotel expenses anyways? These people are really getting desperate with their methods of duping gullible folks.
I'm pretty sure my grandma would pay that person every spare penny she had lying around. I can see it happening. Maybe I should try it first before a stranger does it. After all, I'd rather be the one conning her than some one none of us know.
This one must be going around. My dad's email was infected and this email was sent out to his whole address book.
oh, my. That sounds serious. I think you should help Merrilee.
And while you are at it, I could use some money to stay at a 5-star hotel as well. I'll send you my address. Thanks.
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