7.10.2009

A few letters I've been meaning to post

Dear ClearPlay,

Our subscription to your service expired three months ago. Since that time, you have not created any new filters that would tempt us to come back. Instead of providing cleaner versions of the movies we want to see (read: the R and PG-13 ones), you have made the somewhat inexplicable choice to focus all your efforts on removing smut, profanity, and violence from PG and G-rated movies such as Ice Age: The Meltdown and Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience.

We no longer love you, and we want to find the people who want their G-rated movies edited and go hit them with bricks.

ps. Your website is down. Way to suck.


Dear library mommies,

When I tell you that a certain program/activity is meant for children of elementary-school age, I actually mean that. Please do not avoid eye contact with me while dragging in your toddlers, believing that they either have the motor skills of an 8-year-old or that you will just complete the activity FOR them. Because you're taking up all the seats meant for the actual real kids for whom this activity was intended. Way to go, there.


Dear American Educational Services (aka, people who own my student loan)

I am sorry that you chose to hire not one, but at least two technical customer service representatives who believe that www.mint.com is a web browser. And that when I emailed you about the additional security measures that were preventing Mint.com's financial software from being able to access my student loan information, your response was that I should try using Internet Explorer or Netscape.

Thanks for that. You are idiots. Also? Netscape? Seriously? Is it 1997 again and I just didn't notice?


Dear Mint.com,

I love you and want to have your babies, which I will even bear naturally in a birthing pool because that is just how much I love you.

8 comments:

Lady Susan said... [reply]

I too love Mint.com and want to marry it. So awesome.

CoolBoy said... [reply]

That's interesting, because I've always thought of Mint.com as a woman to whom I would give babies. I don't think we can have it both ways.

Bridget said... [reply]

I'm sad to hear that about ClearPlay. I was just thinking of maybe checking them out. Now I don't think I will.

Nemesis said... [reply]

So I got back on their website, now that it's up again, and I realize that they DO still edit the R-rated stuff. But they're not doing any of the comedies that have come out in the last year or so--they're more going for the dramas.

april said... [reply]

someone in my ward just got clearplay. as she was describing it to her husband and son, she said that with it you could "watch 'rocky' without the violence." then she didn't quite understand why they were in hysterics!

Desmama said... [reply]

We watched 3:10 to Yuma on Clearplay and it was good. That's all I have to say.

Mrs. Clark said... [reply]

Hey, Nem, can you explain to my why my local regional library has only one copy of Emma, in large print? But lists all books with "Emma" in the title before it, and all the Emma movies before the book, too? This, in the most prosperous county in the U.S.

The word verification is shlecil. Sounds like a Yiddish swear word, which is what I want to say to the librarians (but I didn't, being relatively polite. And my PMS hasn't kicked in).

marlamuppets said... [reply]

LOVE your letters. i, too, am a fan of letter writing and have been known to tell them where to stick it. especially when hooters popped up in my neighborhood.

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