12.18.2009

I might be going to hell

Unless, of course, hell is for people who write crap Christmas songs.

Last month I was out buying Christmas gift supplies when it started to snow. I decided to turn on the Christmas stations in the car in the hopes of enhancing the holiday buzz.

My two choices were a) that song about the kid trying to buy his dying momma shoes for when she "goes to see Jesus" that night, or b) a song, sung by a child, in the form of a letter to "Mister Jesus" pleading for an end to child abuse.

Um . . . yeah. Not so much buzz-enhancing . . .

First off, if the Wikipedia article is to be believed, that Christmas Shoes song took 4 minutes to write. This . . . does not surprise me.

Secondly, a child-abuse awareness song? Really? Was a well-meaning radio station person sitting around one day and thinking, "You know, a lot of people feel really good at Christmas. Let's fix that."? Because I looked up the song and it appears to have been written about 15 years ago and has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

Note: Before outraged people start saying that I don't care about child abuse, I DO care about child abuse. I just don't want to hear about it when I am trying to listen to Christmas music. Plus that little girl could barely sing. (Aaaaand here comes the lightning.)

But speaking of people who can't sing, you should check out this Christmas concert clip Sahkmet sent me. It actually will get you feeling the Christmas spirit, in between giggles.

21 comments:

coolmom said... [reply]

I LOVED IT!!!! Can you put this on my facebook for me? It's so cute! Or tell me how?

goddessdivine said... [reply]

Hmm. I'll have to see the clip later; no you-tube at work. ;-(

I HATE the Christmas shoes song. Besides being cheesy and annoying, it's false doctrine. And who buys shoes for their dying mother?!

Haven't heard the child-abuse song. I'll consider myself lucky....

Janell said... [reply]

I too hate the Christmas Shoes song.

I <3 Handel's Messiah. Thanks for the fun =)

John Dent (House) said... [reply]

Best video ever.

Mechanica said... [reply]

I can't stand that Christmas shoes song. So annoying. Can't even imagine that if your mother is dying on Christmas eve that buying shoes would be the most important thing. I always have to turn off that song. I don't think I have heard the child abuse song. Probably pretty lucky.

Señora H-B said... [reply]

I love cleverness in Christmas music. And, of course, I hate that stupid shoes song. I also hate 'Do they Know it's Christmas'.

Jen, RN said... [reply]

I'm glad that others agree with the Christmas Shoes song-I change the channel every time I hear it-but now will no longer feel the guilt that usually ensues. Thank you!
P.S. The video was great!

Breanne said... [reply]

I think I was in the car at the exact same moment as you, and I heard that horrible Mister Jesus child abuse song - I almost killed myself from depression before I could change the radio fast enough.

abby said... [reply]

I was listening to Delilah last night (don't ask) and she mentioned she didn't want to broadcast depressing lost a loved one stories because they are depressing. Delilah doesn't realize how depressing she is normally.

I've been spared both songs, however I am sick of Jingle Bell Rock this year. It's on every ten minutes.

Mrs. Clark said... [reply]

Fantastic! What a clever act.

Agree with the songs. But I love "It's Another White Trash Christmas." Hilarious. I forget the name of the singer, though.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

"Might?"

101.9 the end, only plays a Christmas song about every 4th song and they are extremely cool.

Barefoot Cassandra said... [reply]

Baaaahhhhhhh!!!! If you are going to hell, then I am going with you!

Because I 100% agree with you on both of those songs! New-Shoes-Dead-Mom has always made me shutter. And the other day when I heard the Mister Jesus, child abuse song, I felt nauseous.

I would also add to the list "Marry did know" just for the one line "Did you know
that this Child that you delivered will soon deliver you."
the meaning of the words are nice, but the phrasing is bad. I just picture a child giving birth to his Mother. Gross.

Merry Christmas Nemesis!

Maleen said... [reply]

I am thanking my lucky stars that I have never heard the Mister Jesus song.

However, I did run across the messed up version of 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.' Naturally, they thought it would be funny to have Daddy kissing Santa Claus. This seemed to be in bad taste up until the line about..."then I saw Daddy fondle Santa Claus" (I kid you not) and then I was appalled. It was on KOSY and somehow I thought that was supposed to be a family friendly station.
I haven't heard it again...maybe they figured out that it wasn't the best holiday song to play.

Audra said... [reply]

That video is so cool!

I agree... hate the Christmas shoes song. It just seems written to make you cry.

It is not the worst Christmas song I have heard though. My friend decided to embed Christmas music into her blog. Little did she know that one of the songs she chose was a X-rated version of Jingle Bell Rock. I will never hear that song the same again ;)
I wrote her a frantic e-mail and was glad she checked it right before I called her mom. I did not want her little sister to check her big sister's blog and get an education.

Heather said... [reply]

My hubby and I were just debating the all-time worst Christmas song and settled on the shoes for a momma who wouldn't need them anymore. Get a pair in the next size up for yourself, buddy.

hannah said... [reply]

on another blog i read, the author asked readers to leave a comment telling her their favorite christmas song. i was shocked to see how many people said "Christmas Shoes" was their favorite.

i'm with you. hate the song.

HAH said... [reply]

I love the monks! Someone sent it to me awhile back and I duly forwarded it. :-)

Missy W. said... [reply]

we have been listening to holiday tunes in the office, and i have realized that there are 50 versions of "Baby it's cold outside" - and all of them are creepy.

april said... [reply]

boy. must be living under a rock as i've never heard of either of these songs! maybe that is because i just listen to my ipod or stellite radio and i haven't bothered to figure out which satellite radio station plays christmas musci - so in other words, it's the broadway station or my christmas music.

have you seen the stephen colbert christmas special on hulu.com? now that has some great christmas songs!!!

p.s. congrats on the new job! and thanks for the reminder to always be grateful when you have a job.

Nells-Bells said... [reply]

oh my goodness. this totally rules. i think the silent monks take the cake for sure. :)

Prudence says said... [reply]

It would appear Australia has been spared both of these songs. How thoroughly vile they both sound. May I suggest trawling the internet for the Rolf Harris classic Six White Boomers for an antipodean perspective? Merry Christmas!

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