Conversation last night as we went to bed

Backstory: I've spent a few nights on the couch in the last couple of weeks. I'll wake up in the night, be unable to fall back asleep, and then head for the couch to see if that works any better. Usually the change of scenery is enough to do the trick. Although really, in what Sick World of Pregnant is a second-hand couch with wonky springs more condusive to sleep than an actual bed with a Sealy Posturepedic mattress purchased at Costco, land from whence all good things come? Really.

But anyway. The conversation.

GH: Do you ever wake up when I touch you in the night?

Me: Wait---what?? You're touching me in the night??

GH, rolling his eyes: Like this. [puts hand on my arm]

Me: Oh. No, I don't think I've ever felt that. I wake up when you elbow me in the face in the middle of the night, or when you begin to roll in such a way that my boob shrieks "INCOMING! UNECESSARY MAMMOGRAM ABOUT TO HAPPEN UNLESS YOU MOVE MOVE MOVE!" Stuff like that, I wake up for. Why are you touching me in the night?

GH: To see if you're still here.

Me: Awww . . . because you're worried about me not being able to sleep?

GH: No. Because if you're gone then there's room to spread out.



Giggles said... [reply]

I've gotten up to go the bathroom and come back to discover I have six inches of bed left for me to sleep on. I've only been elbowed in the face once or twice though.

Jonathon said... [reply]

There were several times in the first couple of years of marriage when Brinestone would roll over and HEAD-BUTT me in the middle of the night. She always slept through it.

Claire said... [reply]

Love it. Hilarious.

Maggie said... [reply]

Have you ever tried starting the night on the sofa and ending it in bed? Just wondering how that would work.

goddessdivine said... [reply]

And here I thought it was going to be something totally sweet. GH better redeem himself. ;-)

Missy W. said... [reply]

hehe. I got up at 7 this morning, and after showering returned to find my husband sprawled out in our bed mumbling for me to re-set his alarm for 9! But I do most of the elbowing in this marriage, so maybe we're even...

Kelly said... [reply]

Ha! As SOON as I am up in the morning, Jason has sprawled over the entire bed.

emandtrev said... [reply]


I too am in the "come back to bed to find no room for me" and the "I do the elbowing in the relationship" groups...

Desmama said... [reply]

Why did you freak out when he said he touched you? That baby got here somehow . . . ;) (Don't kill me).

Nemesis said... [reply]

Desmama, maybe that's what people do in those Apache Lover books you read . . .

Now it is your turn to hate me. Heh.

AmyJane said... [reply]

Classic, classic, classic!
First of all, I ALWAYS do that change of scenery to the couch thing when I'm pregnant.
Second, when I do, Sean takes full liberty's to spread the heck out just like that so that when I wake up again and head back to bed I have to poke, prod and shove him out of the way.

Also, I just watched a whole Today show segment about how it's becoming more and more socially acceptable as married couples to have seperated beds and/or bedrooms. The people they interviewed claimed that it actually heightened the romance factor, since one person like...came a calling, if you will. And when that wasn't on the agenda, well, they all seemed much more rested than the average human being. I'm not about to run out for a second bed or anything, but they made a good case!

The Atomic Mom said... [reply]

We admitted defeat in the fourth month of pregnancy and took seperate beds. It was better for all involved.

Lady Steed said... [reply]

Tears are rolling down my face. Thanks for the laugh.

chosha said... [reply]

bwaahahahaha! Excellent punchline. :D

Nells-Bells said... [reply]

too true! i love it when the hubby comes to bed late because i get to spread out and take over before he comes in. but then, when i have to pee in the night, i seriously lay there and decide which is better: to stay and pee the bed as to not lose my space or get up and pee, only to return and find my wonderful bed space is now being occupied.

Shelbi Jia said... [reply]

I am laughing. Outloud.

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