Pregnancy brain, dun dun DUUUNN
I know that the whole "pregnancy brain" thing is supposed to be a myth and not real, and it's supposed to just be something that we bloated people came up with as an excuse for our own already-existing absentmindedness and stupidity.
Only, I have to say, it can be really nice to be able to blame things on pregnancy. Your B.O. so foul that it makes your husband's eyes water? Pregnancy. Sobbed unashamedly at the end of Knuffle Bunny Free? That is called pregnancy, and also having a working heart, people. Came thiiiisclose to faking labor when the lady in front of you at Michael's just stood there and acted all dumbfounded for about eighteen hours when the store wouldn't take back her items without a receipt and she had never even heard of something so ridiculous as a store requiring a receipt for returns and maybe if she just stood there and held out her hands expressively with eyebrows raised then she might somehow get her way? That is called pulling pregnancy rank, and I totally should have done it, and will do if the occasion arises again. Also I will maybe beat the people who are making me stand around on my swollen feet with whichever discounted seasonal gourd-studded decorations are to hand. We'll see. I bet nobody will prosecute because, see above: hugely pregnant.
All of these excuses aside, I really do think something has gone wrong with my brain. Because tonight I decided to heat up a mug of my delicious wassail in the microwave. But I guess I never actually put the mug into said microwave before setting the timer for 2 minutes, pushing the "Start" button, and wandering off to go start a load of laundry. Wanna know what happens when you do that? Because I know the answer to this now. Your microwave, without an object to focus on, is without purpose and decides that the next best thing to do is to SET ITSELF ON FIRE.
So . . . we're down a microwave now. GH is just glad he wasn't the one who did it, because it means he won't get his head beaten in with a pumpkin. And I'm sort of terrified of what I might do when Pregnancy Brain strikes next.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
15 comments:
I feel for you guys. Last two weeks we have been re-painting and re-carpeting our lounge (read - no money for ANYTHING) and in the course of a week our vacuum cleaner, computer and microwave all decided to die! We take microwaves SO for granted.
Also I just so happened to be making fudge when the microwave decided to cark it - I needed to zap my fudge mix for another 3 minutes but the door wouldn't shut and as a safety feature the microwave won't go if the door won't shut. Bummer. Then I decided I would be clever and try to finish the fudge off on the stove top - only I was impatient and inattentive (a bad combination) - and ended up burning the fudge - one large bowl of wasted fudge ingredients later: lesson learned :(
haha that's hilarious. When I was pregnant I definitely had the "pregnancy brain." Instead of dumping a glass of water into the sink, I dumped it into the garbage. Yep, the garbage. Gotta love it.
I don't care what people say, pregnancy brain is real. I have never said/done so many inane things as when I am pregnant. Thankfully, a few months after the kid pops out, I'm back to normal. Otherwise, we'd be finding a lot more sets of keys in our freezer.
Oh pregnancy brain is ABSOLUTELY real! Just ask the girl who, for the first time in her 28 years, struggled to spell the word disturb! Honestly! I was so mad at my predictive texting because it just wouldn't get it. Maybe it's because there's no "e" in disturb. It's an i. Honestly, I think we donate a good chunk of our brains to our kids because, while it gets a LOT better a few months post-partum, I've never quite fully returned to my normal, fairly intelligent self.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
BEAT HIS HEAD IN WITH A PUMPKIN!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!Funniest thing I've ever read.
I guess this means you people will be needing cash for Christmas.
I wish I had pregnancy to use as an excuse every time I bawl through "Knuffle Bunny Free." Soak it up while you can, friend. :)
I also don't think it's a myth at all.
I definitely don't think it's a myth. I have a good story for you, but I'll share it the next time I see you. Just to save myself more embarrassment in the blogosophere... :)
Also LOLed at the reference to a beating with a pumpkin. Perfect.
"Is supposed to be. . . ."
Who said? A MAN??? Pregnancy brain is totally real. Permission to beat an who don't agree with said pumpkin.
Ah, pregnancy brain. I do not miss that.
I hate returns. Are you super excited for the Christmas season and the Return of The Shopping Impared Patron?
Sorry you have no brain!
Not pregnant. Still broke into snot-faced-ugly-cry in the middle of B&N at the end of Knuffle Bunny Free.
Am also excited for the end of Pregnant Brain. Last week I caught myself trying to stuff the feed-the-entire-village-sized bag of Marshmallow Maties into the fridge. Who knows where the milk ended up.
Ditch the microwaves. Learn real cooking!
Seriously, though, we don't have a microwave--we use the stovetop and plan ahead when stuff needs to be defrosted.
Oh, and Pregnancy Brain? So totally real. Comes back for menopause, just so you know.
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