Super sexy mopping talk

I don't neglect my kitchen floor.

I respect its privacy, see. There's a difference. Because when you're all down there, scrubbing away, you start noticing sad little things, like spots where the scuzzy 33-yr-old linoleum is chipped and stained. The poor thing is doing its best, like it helps to have me show up and be all critical.

Full disclosure? My mom mopped the kitchen floor when she came out to stay with me in December, after the Dark Lord was born. And then it was really not high on my priority list after that. So, um, it possibly never happened again. But then the Dark Lord started crawling and I discovered that at the end of the day his knees and the tops of his feet were black. Kind of embarrassing. For him. Plus I've started sweeping up entire boxes of Cheerios multiple times a day, so the floor has pretty well lost her mystery.

So now I mop. And then? A week or so later, I mop again. Like, an additional time. I now know that when you do it more than once a quarter, the whole operation goes much faster because you don't have to change out the black water every square foot or so. I even bought a new mop head, because it turns out that once your old one turns brown it might not actually be keeping things super clean anymore. And I made sure I was doing everything right by checking with these British ladies who call me things like "dear" and "filthy begger." Also. Did you know you are supposed to store your mop with the handle pointing down to stop bacterial hanky-panky and resultant offspring? Had no idea.

image of Kim and Aggie from The Guardian
So now you are welcome to come eat off my floor. There will be a few Cheerios there waiting for you.

(Note: Lest my mother worry that the Internet thinks she never taught me how to clean, she did teach me. I just never did it, and then I forgot how to because I got brain damage from all the filth.)


AmandaStretch said... [reply]

I don't remember the last time I mopped. I intend to change that this weekend. I don't have children to save from embarrassment, but if I ever want to have another guy over to woo me and maybe ever get to have said children, I should probably have a clean home.

heidikins said... [reply]


Love this.


Kayla said... [reply]

I NEVER mopped our old house (we had acres of pergo). Now we have one tiny kitchen and two crazy messy kids and it gets mopped a couple times a week. I don't even know who I am anymore.

goddessdivine said... [reply]

The Swiffer is my best friend. There's no bacteria growing anywhere because I get to throw the cloths away. Also? It's an extremely low-maintenance item. Maybe I should use it a little more often....

Bridget said... [reply]

When I had to mop my own floors, I did it only rarely. What's the point? It only gets dirty again at the next meal. Blah. Plus, then my babies could snack on the Cheerios that were already on the floor instead of me having to get out fresh ones from the box.

abby said... [reply]

Ah wet swiffer I love thee! I have been known to get on the floor on my hands and knees with a bucket. I read in a David Sedaris book that it's the best way to clean a floor. Mopping just swishes the dirt around.

Nookleerman said... [reply]

I'm no expert, but that doesn't mean I won't try to sound like one. If you are serious about mopping, you've got to get a steam mop. So easy to use, no residue leftover, clean up is just washing the pad the comes with it, I can't stop sounding like an infomercial, the list goes on and on. Once you start using it you'll wonder how you went so long without it.

Bebe McGooch said... [reply]

Ooh, steam mopping sounds nice.

There are a lot of things that haven't been cleaned since... well, since I can't remember when. Someday, someday I'm gonna kick butt when it comes to housekeeping.


Anonymous said... [reply]

Life is generally too short. But since the day that my neice asked "do you ever clean your kitchen floor Auntie Julie" I try to do it every week or two!

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