Flirt Skirt

First, I must report that I bought myself a cute skirt today at Gap. Rejoice with me. Mine is camel-colored and very cute. It's odd how I never find anything at Gap in Provo, but when I'm in Alaska I always end up with some great sale item--and I don't have to pay tax. Sweet.

Alaska, it must be said, is a strange place. I am not an Alaskan. My parents are becoming Alaskan, and my younger brothers pretty much are, but I'm not. No doubt this (among other things) is disappointing to young men I meet. They automatically think that I must be some kind of great gal who just loves a good 20-mile trek through the mosquito- and bear-infested tundra.

Sorry, but no. Here are just a few ways in which I do not fit the Alaskan mold.

1. I don't get the Permanent Fund. Sorry, I have to earn all my money.
2. I don't own anything by Helly Hansen, North Face, or REI.
3. I don't worry about The Communists and What They're Up To.
4. I don't like salmon. At all.
5. I don't hunt, and I barely fish.
6. I'm all for gun control.
7. My radio stations do not play a mix of Rod Stewart, Melissa Etheridge, Seal, and Jewel.
8. I don't dream of moving back to Alaska to live out the rest of my days.
9. I don't drive a Suburban or Subaru.
10. I don't actually like fleece.

However, you can't live here long enough without picking up some habits. So here are the ways that I think I may be Alaskan, a little bit.

1. I can identify the different species of bear and know which one you do not play dead with.
2. I recognize that moose are not some amusing combination of cow and horse, but are in fact dangerous, dangerous animals.
3. I go completely insane when I hear people refer to that slush patch on the back of Mount Timpanogos as a glacier. Tell me, if I found a patch of snow in my backyard that didn't melt in the spring, would that be a glacier too??
4. I think that people who call 30 degrees cold are wussy babies.
5. I'm a halibut snob.
6. When I come home to visit my family in the summer, I remember how beautiful Alaska is and start thinking that maybe, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to live up here again--especially now that they're starting to get some good shopping.