Flirt Skirt

First, I must report that I bought myself a cute skirt today at Gap. Rejoice with me. Mine is camel-colored and very cute. It's odd how I never find anything at Gap in Provo, but when I'm in Alaska I always end up with some great sale item--and I don't have to pay tax. Sweet.

Alaska, it must be said, is a strange place. I am not an Alaskan. My parents are becoming Alaskan, and my younger brothers pretty much are, but I'm not. No doubt this (among other things) is disappointing to young men I meet. They automatically think that I must be some kind of great gal who just loves a good 20-mile trek through the mosquito- and bear-infested tundra.

Sorry, but no. Here are just a few ways in which I do not fit the Alaskan mold.

  1. I don't get the Permanent Fund. Sorry, I have to earn all my money.
  2. I don't own anything by Helly Hansen, North Face, or REI.
  3. I don't worry about The Communists and What They're Up To.
  4. I don't like salmon. At all.
  5. I don't hunt, and I barely fish.
  6. I'm all for gun control.
  7. My radio stations do not play a mix of Rod Stewart, Melissa Etheridge, Seal, and Jewel.
  8. I don't dream of moving back to Alaska to live out the rest of my days.
  9. I don't drive a Suburban or Subaru.
  10. I don't actually like fleece.

However, you can't live here long enough without picking up some habits. So here are the ways that I think I may be Alaskan, a little bit.

  1. I can identify the different species of bear and know which one you do not play dead with.
  2. I recognize that moose are not some amusing combination of cow and horse, but are in fact dangerous, dangerous animals.
  3. I go completely insane when I hear people refer to that slush patch on the back of Mount Timpanogos as a glacier. Tell me, if I found a patch of snow in my backyard that didn't melt in the spring, would that be a glacier too??
  4. I think that people who call 30 degrees cold are wussy babies.
  5. I'm a halibut snob.
  6. When I come home to visit my family in the summer, I remember how beautiful Alaska is and start thinking that maybe, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to live up here again--especially now that they're starting to get some good shopping.


Savvymom said... [reply]

Love the skirt. Don't you already have that skirt in black? You forgot to mention ANWR and having a timeshare in Hawaii to be a true Alaskan. I think those are crucial. But you do call snowmobiles snowmachines, which is exclusively Alaskan. Other than that, you covered your bases. And I realized I fit into a few of those catagories, but Ed way more than me. Wierd.

Cicada said... [reply]

According to both your lists, I might also be a little bit Alaskan, but I'm from northern Ontario. Who knew? Actually, the part about the radio stations playing a mix of Rod Stewart, Melissa Etheridge, Seal, and Jewel... that was actually creepy in how closely it describes my city.

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

Yes. Anything that doesn't melt by April 23 is officially a glacier here in Utah. We keep glaciers in our freezers sometimes.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I worry about communists all the time. Also, Rod Stewart is about my favorite artist (especially when Mike Myers is imitating him in a Scottish accent). Does this make me a closet Alaskan? I've never been there.

Nemesis said... [reply]

No worries, Cicada. Canada is actually a suburb of Alaska. Alaskans will even use your coins as currency if that's what they have in their wallet. Then they make some joke about Canadians and laugh heartily.

CoolBoyH said... [reply]

Since when do people call snowmachine snowmobiles? (and i'm so not kidding)

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