7.19.2005

Flirt Skirt

First, I must report that I bought myself a cute skirt today at Gap. Rejoice with me. Mine is camel-colored and very cute. It's odd how I never find anything at Gap in Provo, but when I'm in Alaska I always end up with some great sale item--and I don't have to pay tax. Sweet.

Alaska, it must be said, is a strange place. I am not an Alaskan. My parents are becoming Alaskan, and my younger brothers pretty much are, but I'm not. No doubt this (among other things) is disappointing to young men I meet. They automatically think that I must be some kind of great gal who just loves a good 20-mile trek through the mosquito- and bear-infested tundra.

Sorry, but no. Here are just a few ways in which I do not fit the Alaskan mold.

  1. I don't get the Permanent Fund. Sorry, I have to earn all my money.
  2. I don't own anything by Helly Hansen, North Face, or REI.
  3. I don't worry about The Communists and What They're Up To.
  4. I don't like salmon. At all.
  5. I don't hunt, and I barely fish.
  6. I'm all for gun control.
  7. My radio stations do not play a mix of Rod Stewart, Melissa Etheridge, Seal, and Jewel.
  8. I don't dream of moving back to Alaska to live out the rest of my days.
  9. I don't drive a Suburban or Subaru.
  10. I don't actually like fleece.

However, you can't live here long enough without picking up some habits. So here are the ways that I think I may be Alaskan, a little bit.

  1. I can identify the different species of bear and know which one you do not play dead with.
  2. I recognize that moose are not some amusing combination of cow and horse, but are in fact dangerous, dangerous animals.
  3. I go completely insane when I hear people refer to that slush patch on the back of Mount Timpanogos as a glacier. Tell me, if I found a patch of snow in my backyard that didn't melt in the spring, would that be a glacier too??
  4. I think that people who call 30 degrees cold are wussy babies.
  5. I'm a halibut snob.
  6. When I come home to visit my family in the summer, I remember how beautiful Alaska is and start thinking that maybe, maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing to live up here again--especially now that they're starting to get some good shopping.

4 comments:

Cicada said... [reply]

According to both your lists, I might also be a little bit Alaskan, but I'm from northern Ontario. Who knew? Actually, the part about the radio stations playing a mix of Rod Stewart, Melissa Etheridge, Seal, and Jewel... that was actually creepy in how closely it describes my city.

ambrosia ananas said... [reply]

Yes. Anything that doesn't melt by April 23 is officially a glacier here in Utah. We keep glaciers in our freezers sometimes.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I worry about communists all the time. Also, Rod Stewart is about my favorite artist (especially when Mike Myers is imitating him in a Scottish accent). Does this make me a closet Alaskan? I've never been there.

Nemesis said... [reply]

No worries, Cicada. Canada is actually a suburb of Alaska. Alaskans will even use your coins as currency if that's what they have in their wallet. Then they make some joke about Canadians and laugh heartily.

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