So remember how I was better?

Yeah. Scratch that.

Because not only am I not better, I am now probably certifiably dying and there's nothing that anyone can do about it. The one bright side was that WR did come over the other night and bring me bread and a roasted chicken so that I wouldn't starve to death. Because carving is for sissies who aren't sick and/or hungry, we ate the bird at my coffee table. I used a fork and my bare hands. For a second I feared WR might not think I was being ladylike, since he was using a knife and fork. But then he pointed out that he was eating straight off the carcass with a knife and fork, whereas I was using a plate, so we were probably even. Whew.

Anyway, yes. I am dying. My sense of humor is dying with me--it's now on its last stubby hind leg. I spent all of yesterday (when I wasn't sleeping and groaning for sweeth Death to come take me) parked in the sitting room, working on the website that's due on Friday.

Here are my plans for today:

  • Keep working on the website
  • Shower, possibly, if I can even remember how that works and if I have the strength to climb the stairs to the bathroom.
  • Buy more cold medicine because I'm down to my last dose. Also I think British cold medicine is worthless. A curse upon you and your children, British cold medicine!!!
  • Take more ibuprofin.
  • Take more paracetamol, which is what the crazy Brits call acetaminophen. Also they seem to be a LOT more worried that people are going to overdose on the stuff here. There are warnings all over the packaging. Maybe in the US we figure that if someone is stupid enough to OD on Tylenol then good riddance.
  • Brush my teeth, if I can find my toothbrush.
  • Put on clean clothes rather than the pajamas I've been wearing for days.
  • Burn the pajamas I've been wearing for days.
  • Drink hot chocolate. Pretend I can taste it.
  • Write that 2,0000-word essay that I still haven't written.
  • Buy actual tissues, since the 2 rolls of toilet paper I've been using have worn my nose down to a grotesque red nub, much like the nose of a long-term cocaine user.
  • Regrow the skin on the toes of my right foot, since I scraped it all off when I stumbled into the kitchen table this morning. I couldn't even get up the energy for the Dance of the Stubbed Toes. It was more like the Dance of the Pained Manatee.
  • Consider doing dishes from three days ago. Don't hold your breath on that one.


J Alfred said... [reply]

What TLC can I offer to you sweety?

J Alfred said... [reply]

How do you spell that word? sweetie? sweaty? I can't remember...

Nemesis said... [reply]

Bah hah hah coughchokewheezegasp heh. heh. heh.

Well, um, you don't spell it "sweaty," I don't think. Sweetie works fine for me. So would a feedbag of black market pharmeceuticals. You don't happen to have any of those, do you?

kristen said... [reply]

I would send you some Nyquil, but by the time it actually reaches you, you'll either be feeling better or you'll be dead (j/k--you're not going to die, even if you feel yourself sliding down a spiral of death).

I'm glad you atleast have WR at your beck and call to take care of you.

p.s. I don't think you could ever lose that sense of humor--you're too funny :)

Miss Hass said... [reply]

Oh, sweetie. I hope that you feel better!! I am currently procrastinating studying for my final. But at least I'm not suck! (bah-duh-ching!)


my word verification is bvwxvadx. hee hee

metamorphose said... [reply]

Speaking of sweaty, have you tried sweating it out? It helps me when I'm sick.

Good luck on all that stuff you have to do. Couldn't WR be a dear a do your dishes? Isn't that what boyfriends are for?

Nemesis said... [reply]

Kristen, thank you for your kind words. I will remember you in my will too.

Hass, thank you for not calling me sweaty. Good luck with the procrastination.

Meta, how would I do that? Like, do you create a steam room or something? Because there's no way I'm going to exert myself here.

And you know, I'm sure WR would do my dishes with a cheerful heart if he were here, but he's not. I think the TLC he had in mind is more along the lines of "words of encouragement," since he has work and meetings and junk all tonight and tomorrow night and can't actually come see me.

So the only person I've seen these past few days is the mailman, who looks more and more frightened of me each day.

Stupidramblings said... [reply]

Kristen, by the time the Nyquil gets there, it will have chemically rendered itself useless. They DO have expiration dates, you know.

And Meta has a great point. Exercising really helps you clear your head and your sinuses. I think it's because it raises your body temp. and burns those evil little viruses right out o' there...

Lianne said... [reply]

If it is any consolation, it's going around on this side of the pond.

I hope you recover soon....

JB said... [reply]

Exercising seriously sucks when you don't even want to get out of bed! Fevers are your body's way of killing off whatever's ailing you via heat, though. Maybe wear lots of clothing (especially slippers) and take a good hot shower? Personally, I'm too much of a temperature wimp.

Also, you might be surprised what kinds of meds you can get over the counter out there! Just have a good chat with a good chemist--they're allowed to "prescribe" some stuffs.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

You sound absolutely miserable. Best wishes at getting better soon! Do they have Sudafed (or whatever they call it now) there? It's really hard to get here in Missouri as I teach in the #1 Meth County of the U.S. Would that help?

Also, I wouldn't worry about ever losing your sense of humor. Someone who could create the Dance of the Pained Manitee could never lose their sense of humor. That picture will stay with me forever.


Savvymom said... [reply]

ACTUALLY STUPID, sometimes exercise isn't very good for you if you're sick. You'll use all your energy working out and then your body will be too burned out to fight the illness and then will be sick for longer. So if she's been sick for a week, that might not be good advice.

metamorphose said... [reply]

You can't get Sudafed over the counter here in Utah either due to meth.

Savvymom sounds right Nemesis. Take it easy.

Rachel said... [reply]

Oh, I'm so sorry you've taken a turn for the worst! I know it's probably the last thing you want to do, but when I've been sick nothing's made me feel better than a shower and clean clothes. Don't worry about dishes or any crap like that. Just get that website done and then focus on generating white blood cells! I hope you feel better VERY SOON!

Stupidramblings said... [reply]

You mean a bad cold or headache is God's way of telling you to take a break?

Go figure...

redlaw said... [reply]

Oh Nem,
I'm so sorry - it sucks to have to do school work and be sick. I wish I had a cure or something for you but I don't...maybe if we both die from this mystery ailment, they'll name it after us - children in the future will fear the dreaded Library Science Virus (LSV for short - kinda catchy, don't you think? I'm willing to die for an acronym like that).

April said... [reply]

The worst part about getting sick is the sore nose. It not only hurts, but it's gross because the skin starts to peel. But they do have a Nose Soother. It's like vaporub in chapstick form. It's excellent! Try some of that.

jaime said... [reply]

I'm so sorry that you are still sick, Nemesis. As a nurse, I recommend lots of sleep/rest, drink a lot of fluids, and take some drugs to get you through the symptoms. See what you can find over there. Hey, maybe you should pick up a few things when you are back in the States. Feel better soon, okay? I'm thinking about you and sending those happy/get well thoughts your way.

Oh, and in the great state of Oregon, Sudafed is now a prescription because of the major meth problem they have there. Fun, huh?

CoolMom said... [reply]

We can get Sudafed here in AK by the case lots. I wish I'd thought to send you some. I'll bring you a bunch of drugs when I see you next month, for just in case.The rest of the girls are sick too. But the bad thing about Sudafed is that it makes your nose run FOREVER! Hope you feel better. I wish I was sick in the worst way because then I would have a guilt free excuse to ditch my stupid piano recital that is giving me one continuous panic attack. Durin the month of December, women who are very busy shouln't be required to perform at stupid recitals. I am definately getting this straight next year.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Thanks everybody. You are all so good to me. Your words of comfort are better than drugs. (Okay, that's a lie, drugs are totally better, but I will take what I can get!)

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