The eyes have it
So remember last year when I wrote about how once in a blue moon I get mail from that LDS LinkUp place? And how it's pretty much always from older European or Latin American men?
Well. It's that time, friends. I just got this from a 34-yr-old in Portugal. I've also included one of my profile pictures. You will see why.
Ahem.
Hi!, I just needed to say that I'm so impressed with your lovely eyes and smile!, they are extremely beautiful!, so fresh, sweet, spontaneous, make you look amazingly sexy, hot, charmed, unique and express many special things about you.
I read your profile and I found you extremely interesting... everything it says match perfectly with all the things you express through your eyes and smile.
Have a great day!
Yeah. I kind of feel as though he's seen Right Into My Soul. I guess I just can't help what I'm putting out there. It is amazing though, that he got all of that from my profile, since pretty much all my profile says is that
- I'm in a relationship,
- I'm only doing this to keep in touch with friends, and
- I don't want to be contacted by significantly older men looking for a mail-order bride.
But, you know, maybe he read me so well that he knows what I actually meant by that.
I read it out to WR and told him that I think this must be a form letter that the guy just sends out to people. His response, "Well yes, I'd say that's pretty obvious." Hmph. I'm choosing to ignore that unflattering remark. Also I'm betting it wasn't entirely a form letter. The "sexy" part rings true to me. I'm pretty sure my Portuguese Lover really meant that.
He asked if I was going to write something sassy in reply, but I'm actually kind of a chicken when it comes to that--mostly because the guys I get these from don't write well or speak English very well. So somehow it doesn't seem fair or nice. And possibly some of them are not incredibly smart or emotionally sound, even if they can see all the secret longings hidden within my lovely eyes. (Here's a tip, guys: I was thinking about my dinner.) I mean, sure, they're the ones who are trying to use me for a visa and all, so I really shouldn't feel bad about zinging them, but I still would.
Now, if the playing field were even, I'm sure I would take great enjoyment from telling off skeezy men who send me ridiculous form letters.
Wait--Gah! GAH! Some cow has outbid me on my dress! Crapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrapcrap!
Please excuse me.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
10 comments:
UGH. My dress is gone. Stupid piece of monkey stupid crap.
I bet your eyes aren't looking so sexy now that you got outbid, eh? :)
Nope. They are pretty much daggers of hate right now, friend.
Daggers. of. Hate.
THAT was hiLARious. Mostly because I'm reading along, thinking about how sweet and kind and compassionate you are, because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings . . . and then a cow outbids you. Moo.
Also, I've seen that sexy look in your eyes when you're thinking about food. You weren't kidding!
Wow--that guy sounds so.....deep. I don't know what you're thinking--go for it!
You should mess with him a little.....you're never going to meet him anyway.
May I have the guy's email address please? Because I think I already love him.
The man sounds like a decroded piece of crubbish
I had the weirdest encounter with one of the Osmond's on LDSSO...he wasn't a psycho 40 year old...But he did invite me to Africa with him for a week because he liked the sound of my voice. I declined.
Actually, that Hot and Bothered eyes thing IS pretty sexy. But I doubt your eyes would do it for me, being that... your my sister and all.
A man who uses so many adjectives and adverbs must be sincere.
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