This is proof that I love you

I can't write a real blog post, as I still have my head down in my computer. But good things have happened.

1) I got a blessing on Sunday and immediately felt better and calm and happy, and I still feel those things. Plus, hey, God SAID I'm going to finish this thing. I wouldn't bet against Him.

2) My computer has been behaving for the last few days. I love her for that. She can feel free to burst into flames as soon as this thing is done.

3) Cicada has agreed to proofread my dissertation for me so I've been emailing her chapters as I finish them.

And just after she agreed to do that a few days ago, we had this IM conversation, wherein it becomes apparent that Cicada is a fonts junkie and that I didn't learn as much in AP US History as I thought I did.

Nemesis: Ugh. Some German guy just published his thesis on my topic and it's online. I'm doing my best not to go look at it because I think that would just freak me out. Only I'm sure it's better than mine!

Cicada: No. It's not possible. YOURS is going to be the BEST.

Nemesis: I just want to pass. Luckily his is about different stuff from mine. Kind of. Not that I'm looking at it.

Cicada: No. Of course you're not looking at it. But seriously---DON'T look at it.

Nemesis: I'm not, I shut it.

Cicada: Because that will seriously make yours more difficult to write.

Nemesis: I just looked at his bibliography, and skimmed the bit he wrote about the treaty. Done. It's gone.

Cicada: Okay. Now, you're worth it, you're good, and you're beautiful. Get back to work and you'll do GREAT.

Nemesis: It was the acknowledgements page that threw me. Turns out he's friends with all the A-listers. Only I've interviewed loads of them, and that's good too! So take that, Kraut.

Cicada: haha. Never forget that we beat them back in the 40s.

Nemesis: And we'll do it again. ok. Thanks. I feel better.

Nemesis: So which do you think looks smarter, Times New Roman or Arial?

Cicada: Ack! For WHAT?

Nemesis: For the dissertation. Those are my two choices--they do practically everything in Arial over here. It really took me aback when I first saw it.

Cicada: Are you SERIOUS? They only give you those two choices? Times is easier to read in large quantities, so I'd go for Times.

Nemesis: Yeah, cuz serif. But still. ARIAL, people.

Cicada: SERIOUSLY. You just don't PUBLISH in a sans serif like that!

Nemesis: Oh. They do. And it looks like a 7th grader wrote it.

Cicada: Well, just remember that we beat them back in the 1700s.

Nemesis: AND 1800s.

Cicada: Well, technically, they burned down the White House in the 1800s, you know.

Nemesis: Yeah, just before we BEAT them.

Cicada: And BOTH sides claim they won that one.

Nemesis: Uh, tell that to Andy Jackson and his bales of cotton.

Cicada: No, seriously. In school we're taught that we won that one.

Nemesis: You're joking! Canada as in British Canadians?

Cicada: Well, we were not Canada back then. So we were the British.

Nemesis: Oh yeah, isn't that when we tried to take over Canada? That wasn't the best idea.

Cicada: hahahahaha. It still isn't a GREAT idea.

Nemesis: So maybe it was a draw. We didn't get Canada, but by gum we're still Americans.

Cicada: And at least you know that Times is a better choice than Arial. Dumb Brits.

Nemesis: Seriously. How is mine supposed to beat that German guy's if it's in a crap font?

Cicada: You really couldn't sneak a pretty one past them? Like Bell MT or Garamond or Perpetua?

Nemesis: Let me check. I already have to bind the thing in a MAROON cover. With gold lettering, mind you.

Cicada: Oh wow.

Nemesis: Okay. It just says "Times New Roman or Arial fonts are recommended"

Cicada: Ahhhh, so that's to prevent people from using Comic or something. You can TOTALLY get away with using Bell or Garamond or Perpetua. Those are my three favorites.

Nemesis: Well, I know you to be a woman of impeccable taste. So lemme play around.

Cicada: Rockwell is also very fun and distinctive.

Nemesis: Yeah, only they're not so much about fun and distinctive here. I'm already thinking Bell might be out because of the swoopy 2s.

Cicada: I know. Those are my favorite part. Rockwell is like somewhere between a serif and a sans serif. Garamond and Perpetua don't have any fun swoopies.

Nemesis: Don't have Rockwell, don't have Perpetua. I'm thinking Garamond might be the winner.

Cicada: Garamond is a good one and is also fairly standard.

Nemesis: Sweetie, thank you. Just looking at my words in Garamond makes me feel more sophisticated. I just might pull through.

Cicada: How much more do you have to do? When's your deadline?

Nemesis: I have to write about 7,000 words in the next 5 or 6 days, depending on when the advisor wants it. Then I need to make his changes and turn it in for binding.

Cicada: That's not so bad. You can totally do it!

Nemesis: I've got my caffiene strips and my ibuprofin. Hit it.


Later

Nemesis: I'm back. Lady J says I'm on thin ice with the fonts. She says they do everything in Arial now because some discrimination legislation was passed that said no one can use fonts that might make it difficult for people to read.

Cicada: Uh . . . using Arial makes it more difficult to read than using a serif font. Didn't the legislators research that?

Nemesis: Guess not. They get crazy about Health & Safety and discrimination and all that here, it's pretty mad.

Cicada: I don't understand how font = discrimination. Please explain.

Nemesis: Somehow they got it into their head that funky fonts might make it difficult for people with vision problems to read. So any government or university publication has to be in either Arial or Times New Roman. Or something.

Cicada: I seriously feel like throwing up right now. PLEASE blog about this.

Nemesis: Okay.

Author's note: No offense was intended to the good people of Germany. I'm just a gibbering idiot whose brain is slowly turning to mush. I was born in Germany. I love Germany. Call me!