How to be an aristocratic invalid

Will need to call upon the wisdom of the collective, here. A friend of mine (who I know through my sister Jenny but who I have resisted poaching because I'm just nice like that, Jenny) has just been put on bedrest because of pregnancy complications. And she's already bored out of her mind. So we're trying to come up with things that she can do to keep from going insane. Here is what I would do if I were on bedrest.

Work on my list of SLAs--I still need to see Bleak House, Daniel Deronda, He Knew He Was Right, and Middlemarch. And then watch North and South and Persuasion a few more times for the hotness.

Blog lots more.

Call up work every day, ask how things are going, and then interrupt whoever is speaking with a loud "SUCKAAAAHHS!" and then hang up, giggling.

Nap a lot.

Read chick lit until my brain melts.

Knit, because then I would have something to show for all that sitting around. Plus, knitting is hip now.

Cross stitch. I realize that cross stitching is not hip anymore. But I used to do it all the time when I was in junior high (while listening to the Les Miserables and Phantom of the Opera soundtracks, because I'm cool like that). It is very relaxing, I think.

Create a little home office on my lap, like this one from Real Simple. Because then you can be Busy and Important in bed.

Write. I could finally start writing that novel. Of course, there's no telling what kind of a novel might come from a bed-ridden, stir-crazy person. Would have to take that into consideration. I could write my life story, which would enthrall the masses. Oh! Or I could work on family history--start interviewing family members on the phone and getting all their great stories and writing them up. If I were a mommy person, I could work on journals for my kids. Or I might get into the world of fan fiction and start writing stories about the love Horatio and I share.

Listen to language CDs.

Figure out how to roll my r-r-r-r-r-rs.

Listen to Audiobooks. And speaking of, Librarian Chick has put together an amazing list of free book and audio book sites. I'd also use Net Library--my library, along with all other UT libraries, has a subscription. Just call your local library and ask them for their Pioneer access code. You can download thousands and thousands of audiobooks and ebooks to your computer or MP3 player for free (not iPod compatible, though, which is kind of stupid).

Learn the guitar by watching instructional videos on YouTube.

Develop an addiction to opiates, like many fashionable lady invalids used to do.

That's all I have at the moment, but it's enough to make me want to get myself bed-ridden. Anyone have any other good ideas?


April said... [reply]

Sudoku, Nintendo DS, Guitar Hero, surf Myspace for all the coolest new musicians, gmail chat, READ, watch tons of movies that I'd been meaning to see. Oh, and eat.

Jenny said... [reply]

I would put headphones on and pretend that I had no children, because that way bed rest would be a lot more fun. I'd play scrabulous on facebook and read and watch all the horatio hornblowers, knit, call all the people I've been meaning to call for the last couple years.

Th. said... [reply]


It seems like fevered dreams would always be a good backup.

Desmama said... [reply]

You really can't roll your R's? We'll have to work on that. Also, when you come tomorrow night, you wanna start learning a new crochet stitch?

Me again said... [reply]

Why not do them all? :)

Actually I was stuck in bed with a herniated disc last year for about 2 weeks and our local small library was awesome! I was able to reserve books and movies (some which they recommended after me telling them what kinds I liked). Then they checked them out to me and let my mom pick them up!

And I should mention that I was stuck flat on my back or side. So crocheting was impossible and it was hard to surf the internet. Typing was hard when only using one hand :)

Maybe after more time in bed I would have figured out those things though.

My local library is awesome and was the only way I didn't go stir crazy.

TheMoncurs said... [reply]

As someone who was just released from bed rest via emergency c-section (I don't recommend it), I had this exact same dilemma for a couple weeks.

I hand made a ton of thank-you cards. I was put on bed rest before my shower, so I knew I would have a lot to write thank yous to eventually, plus all the people offering to clean my house, make us dinner, etc. I had my husband bring in all my papers and scissors and hole punches and glue and ribbon etc. and just went to town. It kept me busy for days. I hardly had time to watch any movies at all!

I also took hardcore naps. And I'm glad I did because I'm not sleeping as much as I would like these days.

Miss Hass said... [reply]

I wish I had more time to cross-stitch... I try to do a TV show's worth every night on my current project, but it doesn't always work out that way. Thank heaven for British Sundays.

If I were on bed rest, I'd figure out how to manipulate everything on the new camera.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

When I stuck on bedrest for a few weeks after surgery, I got some major use out of a Nintendo VirtualBoy that I just laid on top of my face and chest. The graphics were almost realistic and the music was great!

Oh yeah. And it was 1997. So . . .

Azúcar said... [reply]

She should figure out a way to become consumptive, because all the aristocratic invalids had high spots of color.

Mad Hadder said... [reply]

I'd take whining and demanding to art forms.
Email everyone in my address book
Manicures and pedicures
Braid leg hair
Design a self-employed business plan
Make audiotapes of favorite kid's books
Bond more with my dog
Organize recipes
Movies ad nauseum
Put all journals on a disc
Plan Christmas
Read four hours a day
Doodle posters
Drop randomly into blogs and act like I knew the blogger
Whine some more

Eva said... [reply]

aww Nem... I could teach you to roll your rs (I'm Bulgarian, and that's a notoriously harsh language). Unfortunately it's not easy to explain it via written correspondence :-(

jeri said... [reply]

I was on bedrest with both of my kids. I made lots of baby announcements and thank-you cards. That was nice because they were ready to go when I needed them.

I would totally learn to knit.

I would also blog-surf a lot, just jump from one friend to another and leave lots of comments. Maybe I would make new friends!

Suzanne Bubnash said... [reply]

So many options now, as opposed to my choices in 1981 while down for 2 months w/ child #3. But even then, the word 'bored' was not in my vocab. Too many great books to read, children's games to make & play w/ the boys, letters to write, visits from friends, Now with a wireless laptop the good choices are endless. Take an online class, research your family history, write your personal history, watch educational videos.

Rynell said... [reply]

Having been on bedrest IN THE HOSPITAL for THREE MONTHS-- (Yeah had to play that trump card in CAPS, I have been on bedrest at home for other pregnancies, but that was the most dramatic.

I am not particularly crafty, but I managed to learn to crochet. And I actually liked it. A lot. My crib sized afghan grew to a queen-sized one. I also did other crochet projects.

I read A TON and watched plenty of awesome literary adaptations.

I tried to surf online, but the hospital only had stupid dial-up. I still managed to buy baby gear online.

Oh and I had visitors a lot, which helped.

And I slept. Except when nurses would barge in and think I should be awake.

Nowadays, I would try to do a lot more projects.

There you have it.

The Divine Miss A said... [reply]

Ditto on the sumptuous literary adaptations, audio books, crocheting, blogging, general reading, catching up on sleep, etc.

I couldn't learn to roll my Rs until college and I somehow taught myself how. I would try to help, but Eva is right. It's really hard to explain without you being right here.

Jenna L said... [reply]

She could be part of the indexing project the church is doing over on FamilySearch.org. I hear it's highly addictive and you can loose track of time doing it. Here's an article about it in the Ensign

Heather said... [reply]

Wow, thanks Steph for soliciting all these wonderful suggestions. Crocheting and knitting as well as thank-you cards are on my list of things to do. I do, however, have about five minutes of computer stamina as our laptop kicked the bucket and only the desk top is available. Unfortunately, most of my bed time is spent on my side with a pillow between my legs.

I'm currently reading "Animal, Vegetable, Miracle" by Barbara Kingsolver with mixed emotions. Those kinds of grow it yourself, go green, buy local things are up my ally. I lie in bed making mental commitments to grind my own wheat, order my Heirloom seeds to start indoors and then it happens. I feel the urge to go the bathroom. What follows is a freaky human beetle-on-its-back struggle to move the foot and a half off the bed and a grotesque waddle to the bathroom. By the that time making a box of Kraft mac and cheese for my kids, let alone composting seems like a daunting task.

Good book anyway. Thanks for the tips.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Heather, can you move the desktop to your side of the bed? Just wondering.

daltongirl said... [reply]

I am slightly offended that you linked to a book with David Arquette on the cover instead of my blog when you referred to knitting as being cool. I forgive you, however, because I haven't actually posted photos of all the cool stuff I've been knitting. Once I rectify that oversight, I'm sure you'll change your link.

Being on bedrest can be depressing, which makes people lose interest in life. I suggest combatting this with something really fun and mindless--like a shorthand correspondence course. Or playing Diner Dash.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

Write letters.
Eat ice cream.
Put on a good 20 pounds.

Anonymous said... [reply]

I'm all about reruns on the tube... The Wonder Years, Saved by the Bell, Knight Rider, MacGyver, and maybe even a little Full House, if I'm feeling like nobody's gonna to walk in.

Azúcar said... [reply]

A quick note that if there is computer access, you can get caught up on TV you missed for FREE!

New cool free TV site.

May I recommend starting with Firefly?

Anonymous said... [reply]

I just happened upon your blog during my intense boredom and decided you are one of the neatest, most intriguing folks I've encountered in awhile. High fives all around.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

For us library folks who would so terribly miss shelving whilst lying about all day, there is always this:


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