Continuing on the Ruling the World theme
Wow. Thanks to everyone who commented on the gum post. I hadn't thought about the fact that people use gum to keep from snacking. I suppose we might allow that in the New World Order. Although I think I'll be more inclined to just promote snacking and be done with it. Of course, my snacks won't be gross processed things. It'll be stuff like fresh fruit, high-quality chocolate, imported cheeses, and dense chewy loaves of bread.
And speaking of the New World Order, here are a few other things I'm looking forward to making extinct:
Cigarettes
Stirrup pants
Velour track suits
Paparazzi
Thong bathing suits
Candy bar & soda machines in elementary schools
Artificial sweeteners
Inferior chocolate (so long, Hershey)
People who waste water
Corn syrup
WWF-style wresting
Reality TV
Smog
Internet porn
Soda--yeah, I said it. You find me one actual worthwhile thing about soda and we'll talk. Note: Sparkling juices like those fab Italian sodas from Target are a completely different thing and will actually play a key role in the NWO.
Anyone have any others to add to the list? I'm sure I'm forgetting lots and lots of things.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
28 comments:
>Thong bathing suits
Ladies -- I've never understood this one. I mean... that's GOT to be uncomfortable!
Believe me when I say that men will notice a beautiful woman at the beach even if she's only half naked. You don't need to go for 90%.
*spam/junk mail
*super thin models and actresses
*big trucks and the people who drive them.
*politics
You're only banning INTERNET porn? How 'bout the whole sex industry?
As long as I can still have sparkling water and juices, I couldn't care less about soda...
Like it all, where do I sign up???
Before, thank you! My board shorts and I will take comfort in that knowledge. :-)
Yankee girl, consider yours added!
Sakhmet, you are right. Entire sex industry = out.
Gretchen, you are most welcome. Would you like to be our press secretary?
Also I remembered another one: littering. Litterbugs will be set on fire.
People who don't clean up after their pets. Because, ew. Really.
David Hasselhoff. Because, ew. Really.
Lame entertainment geared to children and young adults. Sorry, Raven.
Can we ban thong underwear that shows above low riding pants? Maybe ban visible underwear altogether. After all, it is called UNDERwear.
I really hate artificial sweeteners, so I'm totally with you on that, except for diabetics. What are they to do?
What about root beer? You need root beer to make root beet floats.
Body Hair.
I really hate artificial sweeteners, so I'm totally with you on that, except for diabetics. What are they to do?
No problem! Ban diabetes, too.
Sorry, Nem, but I'm all about the internet porn. I do think it should be required to adhere to higher production standards, though.
Natalie, word.
Miranda, sounds good to me!
Sherry, I forgot about diabetics. I don't know what to do for them, but I like Jer's idea of banning diabetes (not diabetICS, of course).
Lady Steed, I do occasionally enjoy a good root beer. But it would have to be the good kind--like the kind that only has like 5 ingredients and comes in the nice bottles. But I have no love of root beer floats, so that'll be all you. Waste of ice cream, I say!
Still Blinking, fabulous idea! As long as we can keep things like eyebrows.
Ew, Jer. You'll have to be in charge of that in your own New World Order, then!
Lady Steed raises a good point. I think an exception should be made for root beer. But Mug and Barqs should be banned. Because they are gross.
Will VS commercials fall under "the entire sex industry"?
nooooo! don't ban politics! That would make me really really sad.
How about SUVs and Hummers? I mean are those REALLY NECESSARY? Gross.
I'm totally with you on all those things, except why Corn Syrup?
Can you ban or severely punish people who don't use their turn signals? I'd appreciate that.
I'm reminded of a song...you may appreciate some of these rules
"A law was made a distant moon ago here:
July and August cannot be too hot.
And there's a legal limit to the snow here
In Camelot.
The winter is forbidden till December
And exits March the second on the dot.
By order, summer lingers through September
In Camelot."
I'd like to ban American accents. Is that OK? ;-)
And while I'm at it, Canadian, Australian, New Zealand and South African Accents. And the posh accent spoken in the south of England where, for example, they say "grarse" when they mean "grass". That should definitely banned, if only because the people who speak that way suffer from the delusion that it's the "right" way to speak.
Oh - and everybody from Liverpool!
I'm banning these things:
Ear infections
Fad diets
Freezer burn
The current trend that makes men try to be girlier, skinnier and wimpier all the time. Guys, it's OK to be manly!!
Perfectly healthy/able people parking in handicapped stalls. Laziness is not a disability!
Ditto with Jeri about guy trend. The metro thing is overrated... well-pressed shirts are one thing, skinnyness/wimpiness/girliness is another-- especially if you're faking it!
I vote for additives and stabilizers in our food that are bad for us.
carageenan
msg
corn syrup
Give me food that is REAL!!!!!
OH! And Comic Sans font!
It's only appropriate for comic strips.
I kid you not, I had an intro to philosophy book that was entirely written in comic sans because "philosophy is such a dense subject that we thought this font would lighten it up a bit."
word verification: nduge, which unscrambles to make nudge :-)
-People who talk on cell phones while driving.
-Labor pains
-Low wages for really important people like librarians and teachers!
-Aging
-Cavities
-Airline stewardess (I mean, WHY? What do they actually do?)I'd like their salary taken OFF my ticket price. I'll bring my own dang peanuts!
-People who subject the whole world to their lousy loud car music
-Dumb blondes
-Dumb anything. Let's all be smart!
-Oh, and while we're at it. Let's make all bust sizes just one average. You get one nose, two eyes, etc. Why not just two working breasts? Breasts cause a LOT of problems. Just take an average size and let's move on!
-Unlimited access for dogs. We need more dogs EVERYWHERE.
-Pain. Get rid of it.
-5 uninterrupted hours more each day. Like a giant siesta. No phones. No work. No demands. Just time.
-More passenger trains
-Some sort of physical malady if you lie, exploit, or are just generally undesirable. Perverts would be bow-legged or something recognizable so everyone could run away.
-Drive through fast chocolate restaurants. Lindt, Godiva...bars, individual chocolates, lots of variety
I would ban girls who have never done a days of work in their life's, who have license plate covers on cars purchased for them by older men (daddy, boyfriend or similar) that say things like "He bought it, but I got it!" or "Daddy's little Princess".
I like your list, but you'll NEVER.NEVER.NEVER take my velour track suits. ;)
Although, for really good snacks I might give them up.
Friday night my hubby and I watched our taped episode of L O S T and ate imported Aussie cheese on crispy pita bread with grapes and sparkling apple juice. We were celebrating the student loan pay off. Yes. I'm rubbing it in a bit.
What wrong with corn syrup? You need it to make sweet mari bars, yummy things that they are
CHantel
bow-legged perverts... HA! That one made me laugh a lot.
For those who've asked, the bad thing about corn syrup is that it's a lot worse for you that plain sugar is. And because the government is ensuring a cheap and plentiful supply by paying farmers to overproduce corn (and not much else) it's getting added to pretty much everything, which makes our food higher in calories. That's why I don't like it, anyway. ;-)
Elvis impersonaters.
Post a Comment