How to do Sundance . . . or should we say FUNDANCE!

Don't blame me for the FUNdance line, that was courtesy of Nick Cannon who is now a dj or something.

Did anybody ever read The Stupids when they were little? They were very funny books about a very nice, stupid family.

I'm pretty sure the title of our day could be summed up as The Stupids Go to Sundance. At certain points of the day I also felt we could identify with these two:



So. Here's the recipe for spending your day at Sundance in the manner of The Stupids:

Spend too much time on your hair that morning in preparation for your photo op with John Krasinski. (See? And we thought I wouldn't have anyone to lust after!) Assume that your husband is still getting ready and so do not go any faster even though that will turn out to be not true and that he was actually waiting for you but didn't want to say anything for fear you'd bite his head off because that's kind of the hormonal place you've been in lately.

Go into a tizzy just as we're leaving about how you can't find your iPod and oh my gosh what will you even DO if you don't have your iPod with you during a film festival. Tear home apart and make wife help you look. Wife will finally say, "Are you sure it isn't on you somewhere?" Locate iPod in your pocket after all of this. Look sheepish.

On the way to the Broadway Theatre in downtown SLC, read the fine print on the back of your ticket which says that you must be in your seats 15 minutes early if you don't want to lose your seat to the waitlist b@$&^(*s.

Arrive 10 minutes early and lose your seat to the waitlist b@$&^(*s. Kiss $30 goodbye. But hey, one of you has great hair and the other has a 60 GB iPod with a plastic nipple attached. And since you were BOTH latemaking, neither one can in fairness be angry with the other. Which is really what it comes down to in life.

Drive to Park City telling yourself that this is nice because you will be there while it's still light outside, which will work better for your camera. And for Jim Halpert.

Catch the recommended free shuttle bus from Kimball Junction, 6 miles from Park City. Spend 120 minutes on this bus. Pass much open parking along the way. Arrive after dark.

Arrive too late to catch Zooey Deschanel's entrance into her movie theatre.

Grab dinner at the site of last year's Relaxation Day Lunch. Dinner will be excellent. Treasure that.

Catch shuttle up to theatre where Michael Cera's movie will be playing in an effort to become waitlist b@$&^(*s yourselves. Arrive to find that they've been handing out waitlist numbers for the last hour. Your numbers are 163 and 164. If you had gone to that theatre first thing, before dinner, you too could have been sashaying your way up to the front of the line waving your ticket in the air like Little Miss Jeans Tucked Into My Boots 11.

Ponder tucking jeans into boots. Remember that while this may make you look stylish, it will also make you look like a very disproportionate dwarf. Or cowgirl.

Finally give up after the movie starts when they've only let in about 20 waitlist people. Find out afterwards that the theatre seats 650 people, so maybe you would have still gotten in. Console yourself with the thought that your tickets might go to the three nice girls from Orange County behind you, who haven't seen anything yet either. Because then it's noble.

See absolutely no famous people. Instead, walk through a cloud of weed so thick that it make you woozy. Because that's almost as good, right?

At the end of the day, even though you got to do none of the things you hoped to, and even though it turns out that you are both marginally functioning adults who will probably have to check yourselves into a care center sooner rather than later, it is a comfort to know that there is no one else you would rather waste a day with.