Sunday highlight (like, very high) and lowlight
On Sunday it was our stake conference, which is when several adjoining congregations (wards) meet together and listen to talks and counsel meant specifically for our area or "stake." It was a very good meeting, and the night before there was an adult session, also good, with an emphasis on missionary work (like, the kind that we civilians are supposed to be doing) which only made me feel slightly wrenched with guilt as opposed to greatly.
The highlight, aside from the v.g. talks that made me feel re-motivated to make more time for things of the soul, was when an insanely tall gentleman passed in front of us. I elbowed GH and nodded over in the guy's direction so he would notice the way his head was practically hitting the lights. Which was when I heard the man next to me whisper to his wife that the tall guy was retired basketball player Shawn Bradley and that he thinks he's the Elder's Quorum President over in the such-and-such ward. This means that I am somehow a few degrees closer to Bill Murray, I think. Also, according to his Wikipedia page, Shawn Bradley and I were born in the same town. Because we are both awesome, even though I prefer do my awesomeness from a sedentary position a little bit closer to the ground.
The lowlight was when I learned what is apparently an unwritten rule in my new town. As I now know, choir performances = time to start chatting with your neighbor. These ladies behind me (and one of their husbands) whispered and talked during every single musical number and hymn and also during the talk of the one woman who got up to speak. Which, do not even get me STARTED on that because I will whip off my bra right here at my desk and burn it and it will be the tiniest fire you ever saw but it will be a meaningful fire, people. But yeah. My ears for some reason cannot tune out the whispering and I was just dying to turn around, give them the Eyebrow, and say, "Excuse me, since I can't actually pay attention to the speaker, do you mind if I just listen to you instead?" Except GH would have died of embarassment, as he always does when I Remind People about Manners.
I'm putting him on notice, though: Next time, it's on.
I'm Steph, a librarian and mom of 3 (not sure how that happened). Let's chat books, food, Sumptuous Literary Adaptations, poop, knitting and maybe some crazy Mormon Feminism.
19 comments:
Shawn Bradley meets in the same building as us. I would just stare at him without inhibition. I even said "Doug...watch me pass by him and tell me if I even reach his elbow." Last Stake Conference I thought he was standing on a chair. I mentioned to a friend that there was a freakishly tall guy at church - she said "Is it Shawn Bradley?". I in my ignorance (I'm not a racist) said "Isn't he black?". We google image-stalked him and sure, enough...he's not black.
Oh. The whisper fest. It really bugs me. When little kids do that, their parents can somehow get them to shut their yappers, but grown people should just know better.
On a completely different note, I loved Space Jam. I haven't seen it in a very long time, so I'm sure it's not as good as I remember it.
I say bring it. If you don't 'instruct' those ladies, who will? You shouldn't have to suffer just because they came from homes where reverence/respect instruction obviously was lacking.
In 6 months I expect to see a post about the Eyebrow, some shushing, and some ticked off ladies who can't keep their traps shut.
You should have done the "half-turn" like Jerry did in Seinfeld when people talked in movies. I actually do that sometimes now when necessary and it works at least half the time. Not that that's a good percentage, but it's still a percentage nonetheless.
On my honeymoon, we were on the same plane as Thurl Bailey and I was the only one who knew who he was. I was like freaking out because I grew up obsessed with basketball and even my husband was like "What? Who is that?" and I was utterly disappointed. But what was even more disappointing was that he got to enter the plane first because he was Thurl Bailey, even though he showed up late and should have been last in line. Psh.
Ooh, I've got my own Sunday lowlight to share, if you don't mind. The lesson in elders quorum was mostly boring, but it nearly ended with a pretty nice story that someone shared. We'd gotten through the lesson, and it looked like we were going to end on time.
But then the teacher decided to add a little something extra. He prefaced it with "This isn't really related, but I got this email from my sister and thought I'd tie it in . . ." He then started reading this stupid made-up story about some Christian college student outwitting his atheist philosophy teacher by using his own logic against him (even though the student's arguments are chock full of holes).
After a minute or two, people started getting up and leaving, one at a time, but I still couldn't bring myself to walk out of class. Finally, a full eight minutes after class should have ended, I slipped out. The teacher was still going.
ARRRGGGHH.
I went on a ward campout with Shawn. He is pretty awesome. I think I might have babysat his kids. Don't remember. Funny that you are in the same stake as my parents. I wonder if my dad is your bishop...
Z's Wife, I absolutely did the half turn! Like 3 or 4 times! No effect. None. Which is why in 6 months I shall have to take Divine Goddess's challenge bring out the big guns.
I have family that grew up in the same town Shawn Bradley grew up in. And I loved him in "Space Jam."
Two weeks ago the little toddler behind me was rolling around under the bench I was sitting on and tried to kick my legs out of the way and had his head so I was pretty sure he could see up my skirt. That kid got an eyebrow.
Shawn Bradley is huge. He was in my ward in PA when he was playing for the Nets. He had to duck to get through the halls. He also did a youth fireside once and the microphone (all the way up) was halfway between his chest and belly button. The funny part is how tiny his wife is.
The whispers drive me nuts. Maybe you should tell ladies like that that background noise really affects your hearing aids. :)
thanks for the comment! i guess you could say i inherited the fridge. ;)
I hit my head on Shawn Bradley's elbow one time. Okay that's a lie, I was just feeling left out. :p
It's weird how people think you shouldn't say anything or get embarrassed about it being said. Hello, it is the people talking through the meeting who are being rude. I'd rather have a smackdown spouse that a rude-o whisperer anyday.
[Word verification was atacing...and I'm giving you the other T and the K for free to deal with those biddies.:)]
Here is my bit of awesome to add to the mix: One of the areas on my mission was one where Elder Bradley had served just a couple of years before. (Don't do the math--I have a birthday coming up.) He had baptised a Koori man (that's Australian aboriginal for you ignorant masses) while living there who had since become the ward mission leader. Apparently he is a very nice guy. And yes, very tall.
In a mission lowlight story because I'm now thinking about feminism: Our Mission President's son came to visit his dad from the states and our MP invited him to speak to the missionaries. He began his remarks with, "Missionaries and Sisters, I'm delighted to be here. . . " !!!!!! Not just missionaries, or sisters and elders, but missionaries and sisters, like we weren't missionaries too. And at people's houses, sisters were nearly always asked to help clean up or even help make dinner, but the elders were allowed to sit around scratching, belching and eating a 30 pound casserole between the two of them if they wanted. Or District leaders who thought you were supposed to make them breakfast when they came to your house to study. Or Bishops who thought our job was to visit teach all the less actives. . .
Ooops, this is YOUR rant.
I too have tried the 1/2 to 3/4 turn. It never works. I brazenly shoo-shed some adult talkers recently. And the children and youth? They even see me jiggle my head in their general direction and they know I mean business.
You just made my day with your burning your bra comment!
How RUDE of those talking morons behind you. Ugh. Seriously. My ward choir is awesome. I will miss them whenever we finally move. I think about half the ward participates! Poor choir--this past Sunday the fire alarm went off right in the middle of their number. They did finish it when we all filed back in, so that was lovely.
I digress. Fun that you got to see Shawn Bradley!
This post was hilarious to me, especially the burning the bra part. Thanks!
and i was born the same year as shawn bradley and was a freshman at byu with him. that's how old i am!! this would be the only reason, i actually had a picture image in my head when you mentioned a basketball player's name; the list of famous sports people i know by name is pretty short. i actually complimented a preschool dad wearing a yankees cap (were in red sox country) during my daughter's field trip yesterday - which immediately got him saying something about philly winnng the world series last year - and i had to say i never actually watch baseball (crotch scratching and spitting are not my cup of tea) just grew up in new york and so kind of have that "be a yankees" fan ingrained in me. in actuality, i was just trying to be polite and make conversation as we were walking back from the fire station, but should have known to avoid the sports topics. although, i really am a yankees fan!
I can't believe from all the comments that so many people you know, know Shawn.
I laughed and laughed about the whisper fest during the adult session. Good thing you'll never have to sit next to Anth and I at a church meeting. But I don't think Young women opening exercises count because I am pretty sure we would be quiet during Stake meetings.
I agree with the others: BRING IT! Now you've got 6 months to think of something witty to say when you turn around (I liked the hearing aids comment, but you might not want to be old enough for them). How about something along the lines of: "Your whisperings are drowning out the whisperings of the Spirit. PIPE DOWN!"
Haha! Word verification: canded
One time I had to resort to using the 'shhhhh' sound really loud in relief society to get the women to listen to the relief society president. ugh!
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