My "you might be a librarian if" list

You might be a public librarian if:

All the copies of a book are checked out, and you have to stop yourself from running home and grabbing your personal copy to give to the nice disappointed patron.

Your version of heroin is hearing that someone loved a book you recommended.

You organize the books in your home library for fun.

You make less with your master's degree than many people do with their high-school degree.

You earned said masters degree so that you could spend your days showing people how to use their Yahoo email account. (First step, open a Gmail account instead. Yahoo sucks bricks.)

You laugh until you cry when you hear the phrase "librarian shortage." Then you go twist a few of the pins you keep in your ALA voodoo doll.

You secretly bristle when you hear the term "librarian" applied to just anyone who works in a library, up to and including janitorial staff. You realize this is an elitist behavior, but you just don't care.

Patrons mistake you for a tax adviser. Or financial adviser. Or lawyer. Or doctor. Or secretary. Or trash-thrower-awayer. All are flattering except for those last two. They are not so much.

Parents mistake you for a babysitter.

You dream about orchestrating a fake kidnapping in the children's section to teach people A Very Important Lesson but know that parents would probably not even notice anything was happening.

You have become adept at recognizing various psychiatric disorders.

You get to learn way, way too much about people's personal lives--usually by way of the bellowing cell phone conversations they're having right in front of you.

You get so used to reminding people about appropriate behavior that you have to stop yourself from doing it when you're off-duty. And maybe sometimes you don't stop yourself, and then your husband is embarrassed to be with you.

You develop an eye twitch 5 minutes before the junior high gets out--whether or not you can see the clock. Your body just knows.

You are happy when you find sex books hidden in random parts of the library, because it means a teenager is learning about sex from an actual book rather than from their idiot friends.

You sometimes get to make wallets and flowers out of duct-tape with a bunch of teenagers and call it work.

You got to read the last Harry Potter before anybody else.

You accost strangers in public about the books they are reading.

You cannot possibly narrow it down to one favorite book.

Are there any I'm forgetting?


Nemesis said... [reply]

Hey, I just thought of one I forgot:

People call you over and want you to tell them why they can no longer access their online dating account.

("Ma'am, I really would have no way of knowing that.")

cm said... [reply]

How about "taking your engagement photos in a library"? Or "having your reception in a library"? Or "getting married in a library" or "conceiving in a library"? Maybe you could have your first child in a library? Or die and be buried under the library. Or hide your dead bodies under the library.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Oooooh, cm, you are giving me such ideas! I did meet my spouse in a library, sort of got proposed to in a library, had the most awesome makeout session in the stacks, and had our engagement pictures taken in a library. Library conception, though, must have a think about that . . .

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

LOVE this. I need to make a "music librarian" list. Should do that before my LAST MLIS TERM EVER starts on Wednesday.

As for cm's suggestions, they have yet to ruled out for my future whenever marriage.

Though I have crossed "make-out in the stacks" off my list. More than once.

Janssen said... [reply]

The "what's your favorite book" question kills me. If you know, you have probably only read five books.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Janssen, I know! It is probably wrong of me, but when people have a favorite book or Top 3 list then I almost assume they're not actually a reader.

AmandaStretch said... [reply]

I actually have an absolute favorite book - "The Giver". But there are no rankings after that.

Jenny said... [reply]

I feel better now about having many answers when people ask me my favorite book. Thanks for the validation.

Dave said... [reply]

OMG! Breaking Dawn, bestest book ever (duh).

Also, my verification word was 'totty'. Weird.

MBC said... [reply]

How about You used to mostly like people and err on the side of compassion but now you're a total misanthrope and rule with an iron fist of justice. Or maybe that's just me.

Musings of the Mrs. said... [reply]

I totally should have been a librarian.

kip said... [reply]

"You make less with your master's degree than many people do with their high-school degree."

Also on the "you might work for an international non-profit" list...

Shawn 2.0 said... [reply]

You forgot:

While talking with a friend about moving to a new house, you mention "Moving is good because it gives me an excuse to weed some of my books" and then you realize they're looking at you oddly while you explain that

1) you don't have a speech impediment.
2) you're not talking about gardening.

April said... [reply]

I can identify with almost every single thing you listed. Although I don't think you should get annoyed that library aides are called librarians if the patron indeed pronounces the title correctly. I'd only get annoyed if they said "libarian."

Also, MBC? You, dear sir/madam, have just summed it up perfectly.

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