Hippie fail all over the place

I had such plans, friends. I was going to be a natural-childbirthing, public-breastfeeding, baby-wearing, cloth-diapering mom. Let's see how that's working out for me, shall we?

Natural Hypnobabies childbirth: I think we all remember how that worked out.

Breastfeeding: Turns out my boobs were not interested in playing and were going to send me off a cliff if I didn't leave them alone.

Co-sleeping: I wasn't going to have him in our bed, but his bassinet was going to be in our room for the first few months so that he could be comforted by our smell and our breathing and so I could attend to his every need. Yeah, that was over before we left the hospital. Turns out I cannot sleep in the same room as quite possibly the snuffliest baby in the world. I swear, truffle pigs could learn from him. Every three seconds I'd bolt upright, convinced by the noise that he was going to suffocate or, by the lack of noise, that he already had. Last time we tried bunking down together, at GH's parents' house, I ended up on the living room couch and GH retreated to the basement to sleep in his old room on his old (I'm sure spider-egg infested) bed. But at least we slept.

Baby-wearing: My elephant of a baby was too big for a newborn sling and once I got up the courage to try sticking him in this bad boy he hated it. Hay. ted. Have not given up entirely, just might need to wait until he's old enough to position a different way. And then prepare myself for the hate.

Cloth diapering: Was super-excited about this one. I may have failed at everything else, but at least I can still save the planet from non-biodegradable diapers. Borrowed my sister's Sunbabies diapers (the affordable ones made by Chinese toddlers--$5 per diaper rather than $15-$20 each like Fuzzibuns and bumGenius) to give it a go before purchasing. And look how adorable they are on him!

Washing them was no big deal, so I was feeling good about the whole thing. Until . . . he got a blister on his bottom. We took a break from the cloth while we went out of town, and then tried them again. This time? Two blisters. So clearly something about these diapers does not work with him. I think it's that the cotton fabric inside is kind of rough and bumpy & chafes him when it gets wet. But now they're on version 4.0 (with patterns! precious!!!) and Sunbabies lady says it's a new, softer microfleece on the inside. So I don't know if I should just go for it and hope for the best, pay more for a more expensive brand, or just stick to finding bargains on disposables and killing the earth again some more.

Am possibly going to stop having goals, because that just seems to be sending a signal to the universe that I am begging for a smack-down. In fact, I am going to stop even thinking about making my own baby food when the time comes, because I'm sure that's a one-way ticket to me just pouring nothing but straight pesticides and Gerber puffs down his throat. So I'll stop here.


Elsha said... [reply]

Oh, my hippie fail story sounds a lot the same.

Planned intervention free birth, ended up with a c-section immediately after my water broke (and by "water broke" I mean "meconium came pouring out of me") for a baby who had aspirated meconium and had two collapsed lungs. So much for intervention free.

Breastfed exclusively for 6 weeks, then went back to work. My body pretty much refused to cooperate with a pump so quit altogether after a couple more months. At which point she was getting like 95% formula anyway.

Wanted to cloth diaper and gave up before trying. Yep. Didn't even try.

As for the baby wearing, some kids just hate it. Kalena loved it, but Will did NOT.

Anyway, I feel ya! Good luck with the universe not hating your goals anymore.

Science Teacher Mommy said... [reply]

I love you girl. I'm guessing that in spite (or maybe because of the trials) you are an AWESOME mom.

springrose said... [reply]

Just a quick comment. Your snuffle snug of a baby may be alergic to his own pee on his skin. I know i have had several of my kids that are. What that means is NO CLOTH diapers. And you have to change like practically every time they pee. Time to start thinking potty training. JK!

mj said... [reply]

Oh the blessed disillusion. I failed on most of those "enlightened mommy" things too and I also failed hard on the "no juice" plan, the "no TV before two" thing and I'm sure there are more. Turns out the only carrier my baby liked was the one universally rejected by all hippies--the Baby Bjorn--gasp--facing forward, no less. In a way it's kind of liberating to have all your previously-held opinions squashed like that.

Kelly said... [reply]

The sexy model poses at Seven Slings are killing me. It's like they told the model to "work it" a la RuPaul, and then kind of attached a baby to the pose.

perkiwindy said... [reply]

Here is my opinion on the cloth diapers...take it or leave it (I do cloth on my 2 year old and will on my twins coming in 2 weeks)...It may just be how you are washing the diapers (or how your sister did). If they have build up at all they can be hard on the babies bum when they pee. You should look into stripping them. That is if you WANT to. It isn't for everyone! I make pocket diapers with my friend who owns a diaper business: http://www.cutiepoops.com/ so I am a bit passionate about it(but entirely realistic too).

Good luck! -Windy in AZ

kip said... [reply]

I can so relate to this. I felt so free the day I finally tossed aside some of my baby parenting books/plans. And as it turns out, my baby appears to be fairly resilient despite all of my unenlightened mom moves.

jeri said... [reply]

why are the girl-pattern diapers totally cute and the boy ones look like someone threw up the 80's all over them?

emandtrev said... [reply]

I think pretty much every mom can relate on some level! You're doing awesome.

Amanda said... [reply]

Ah Nem. I laugh because we've all been there. With my kids, the fuzzibunz gave them rashes, so we switched to BumGenius, and we've been rash free ever since. I also just bought some Flips (much much cheaper) and I love those, also no rashes.

Also, making your own baby food is super easy and not as much work as people think.

Good luck!

singlemormonchick said... [reply]

the visual of a universal smack down just cracks me up. i get them all the time and never had a name for it. now i do. thanks

Anonymous said... [reply]

I have read your blog many a time now and just couldn't resist throwing some love your way. Reading the things that you have written about everything from temple attendance, to Pride and Prejudice being the best, to rude people in all kinds of scenarios has been awesome. It is like you are inside my head. I wish I was brave enough to say all of these snarky things on my blog, but I am a big fat wuss bag. So THANK YOU for putting your take out to the world so that I could live vicariously through you. Seriously, your blog rocks my world.
Someone who is posting anonymously so that you have no chance of looking at my sorry excuse for a blog.

Brittney said... [reply]

Heh heh. I can so relate! Not only did I fail miserably at my natural Bradley birth... it turns out I unintentionally make other women's ovaries go into hiding when I talk about my labor.

I used to be so impressed when other moms bragged about making their own baby food...then my baby got old enough and I somehow unraveled the complicated mystery of steaming vegetables and throwing them in the food processor. I have complete faith in you.

Am excited you are going to be librarianing it again, some more... I love your book recommendations :)

Audra said... [reply]

I think the universe likes to screw with us. I am NOT crunchy! I had NO intentions of co-sleeping, nursing for freakin' forever, and baby wearing... I turned my nose up at the mommas making their kids needy little suckers! Turns out I ended up co-sleeping, nursing, baby wearing and during the last round it was with 2 babies at once! And I did not just baby wear, I MOBY WRAPPED... it is like freakin Origami with 3 yards of fabric! What the heck? You know, it really isn't fair! So next time... have NO intentions of doing any of these things and it will just happen ;)!

Missy W. said... [reply]

You could have at least bothered to lie about it all and make us feel like earth killing, bucket baby, c-sectioned failures :)

AmyJane said... [reply]

It happens. The disillusioning of the new mother. Hang in there. You're doing fabulously. I don't care what kind of diaper you kid is wearing, who makes his milk, what you carry him in, or how he got out of your body. He probably doesn't either. Just love him and you'll be okay.

Kristi said... [reply]

Meh, overrated. All of it. Surviving for the first 4-6 months is the name of the game. :)

C. said... [reply]

This might be my new all-time favorite post from you. Love. It.

Esther said... [reply]

I could not sleep in the same room with my babies either. They are just such loud sleepers! For this baby that is comming next month, I am not even going to try. I am already plotting to sell the bassinet once my sister returns it to me.
Oh and those slings never worked for me either. I think you should try a Moby Wrap (there are other brands too) type of baby wearing instead. They seem to get much better results. And you can make one pretty easily too for a lot cheaper. There are instructions all over the internet. I made one out of cotton gauze fabric but if you use a knit, you don't even have to hem it.

Nemesis said... [reply]

Anonymous, welcome! And I hope you'll feel free to say your snarky things here--Lady Catherine will never know!

TheOneTrueSue said... [reply]

I just typed up a frankly hysterical comment and then got a blogger cookie error and now I can't remember what I said and it is TICKING ME OFF.


I aspired for mediocrity in mothering right from the start, not planning to do any of that stuff other than the bfing. GO ME.

He looks loved and healthy so you must be doing something pretty dang well. GO YOU.

coolmom said... [reply]

I just saw this really cool baby food maker thing and thought of you. It was very upscale. Very you! I just need to remember where I saw it. But making your own is so good - cheap - easy - unless he develops allergies.

the hinckleys said... [reply]

welcome to parenthood! then there are the wonderful things your child does and you start patting yourself on the back for how well your child sleeps through the night, eats, uses manners, etc... until SMACK - he/she totally stops doing it and you have to wonder if you ever should've taken credit in the first place.

Bebe McGooch said... [reply]

The Dark Lord has mastered the art of adorability. Bummer about the blisters.

I was so going to go the cloth diaper route myself, until my sister said that since I was prone to depression, that I should stick to disposables. She doesn't remember saying that, but I took her words into consideration and added it to the fact that I have yet to master the art of laundry. Disposables it is.

I really do want to try to make my own baby food. The book, "Feeding the Whole Family: Cooking with Whole Foods," has convinced me to at least try. It gives a lot of simple examples for recipes, and how easy it is to give the baby avocado when you're eating avocado. Anyway, blah blah blah. At least we can be hippies in our heart of hearts, right?

Mrs. Clark said... [reply]

I feel that all 27 years of my parenthood have included a decrease in expectations. My youngest is nearly 21, has dropped out of school, and will probably have to support herself with a retail job. Another expectation down the drain. At least they graduated from high school, seminary, and have not had any major car accidents.

And yes, the first 4-6 months are the worst. You can do it!

Mrs. Clark said... [reply]

Hate to tell ya--this is just the first bunch of smackdowns. The worst was when my daughters didn't want to read my Little House books, which I'd kept since my own childhood! My husband and I are voracious readers and not one of our kids reads like we did. Sigh. t

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